League News Roundup 25 SEP 2017

Tomo Ohka Formally Charged with Murder of MMD Coach
Investigators announced yesterday that former Zachrian pitcher Tomo Ohka will formally be charged with the murder of former MMD coach Checko Checko Taklamente. Alyxian Darkpaw Bench Coach Harlan Ellision, who was being also arrested as a suspect, has now been cleared of any suspicion. It should be noted that former Bobian Lance Berkman, who was also a primary suspect, was exonerated several weeks ago. Ohka was arrested trying to flee the country shortly after the murder and was apprehended at Cape Koresh International Airport. Since then, no motive has been pinned to a possible Ohka involvement in the killing except for some speculation about Ohka, a native Japanese, taking offense to Taklamente's well documented anti-Japanese rhetoric. The authorities went on to say that Ohka offered a confession and was now cooperating with police to uncover more details of the crime.

New Z-Slayer Park Open for Business After Slight Delay
Repairs and upgrades to Z-Slayer Park were completed this week, just behind schedule to miss the Z-Slayers latest game against Division Rivals Meow Meow Dui. The stadium, which was damaged by an unexploded bomb several months ago, has received a complete face lift thanks to millions and millions of dollars poured into renovations by new owner and GM Lord Sinister. The stadium will now seat a massive 66,000 spectators making it the biggest field in the league. Other amenities include no less than thirty new restaurants, a Z-Slayers hall of fame, a clubhouse for local patrons, as well as a Duplo Dunking Booth. There was some controversy last week when journalist John Kruk was barred from entering after a bizarre incident in which he was accused of attempting to break in. The stadium will make its debut next week when the Spartans of Bobia come to town in a key divisional matchup.

The Playoff Picture: Division 1 More or Less Settled, the Pee Wee League a Complete Mess
The Division 1 teams have already been set in stone, but the order has yet to be decided. The Spartans of Bobia need to win only 1 of their remaining 3 games to clinch first place and a first round bye. The Z-Slayers will finish in second unless the Bobians lose this week against the JELLY QUEEN and then are swept by the Z-Slayers themselves. Meow Meow Dui can inch up into second place if they win their final two games and the Z-Slayers lose their final two. Things get much more complicated for Division 2, with every team alive except for the Marauders. What's more, there is a scenario for each and every team to still win the Division.

Series 11: Three Late Season Upsets!

MEL - 11   RED - 0   F
W - Garcia (1-3)   L - Ortiz (1-2)
MEL: Garcia: CG (1), 0 ER, QS (1)
RED: Ortiz: 2/3 IP, 8 ER
MEL: Kennedy: 3-5, 2 2B, 3 RBI (11)
MEL: Olivo: 4-4, RBI (5), 2 SB (6)
RED: Myers: 4 IP, 0 ER

The showdown world was stunned to see Dr. Vindaloo's last place Marauders just absolutely manhandle the first place Aces. Red Clay starter Ramon Ortiz didn't even survive the first inning, and was booed off the field after fans witnessed him surrender eight runs. The Marauders walked and singled up and down the lineup until second baseman / coach Adam Kennedy stepped to the plate and whacked a bases loaded double off of Aces reliever Travis Harper. Harper was able to eat up another four innings, but surrendered another three runs in the form of a Scott Rolen single, a Fred McGriff solo shot, and another Adam Kennedy double. After him, Aces reliever Mike Myers was admirably able to do another four innings without giving up a run and allowing the rest of the already beleaguered bullpen to get some much needed rest. As for the other side of things, the Marauders had their most dominant pitching performance of the year as well; in his first quality start of the year, Freddy Garcia went the full distance, completing the game without surrendering a single run against the normally powerful Aces offense. In the bottom of the ninth, the Aces were able to load the bases, but Garcia worked out of that jam too. "We f******* sucked," Ishmael Von Corrin said in a press conference after the game. "I'm sorry to use that kind of language, but this is just a disaster. I've never been so embarrassed as a GM. This is a game that we really needed to have as a win." Should the Bombers beat the Cardinals, that will set up an incredible season finale for both teams next week. The Marauders will try to play spoiler again against the Green Sox.
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MMD - 8   ZSY - 6   F
W - Gregg (1-0)   L - Myers (0-1)   S - Foulke (4)
MMD: Ortiz: 6 IP, 5 ER
ZSY: D'Amico, 6 IP, 4 ER
MMD: Chavez: 3-4, HR (8), GS (1), 4 RBI (18)
MMD: Williams: 2-4, 2 RBI (5)
ZSY: Pujols: 1-3, HR (9), 3 RBI (25)

The Z-Slayers attacked early in this one, with Albert Pujols smacking a three run shot in the bottom of the first. By the end of the second inning, the score was 5-0 Z-Slayers. But credit must be given to the MMD offense that did not roll over and die; on the contrary they diligently chipped away at the lead with a run here and another there. Big hits came from Bernie Williams (2 RBI singles), Ryan Freel (RBI triple) and Miguel Tejada (RBI double). MMD starter Russ Ortiz also settled down after the shaky early innings and managed to pitch decently through six. Both teams went to the bullpen in the seventh, but that backfired big time for the Z-Slayers. Mike Myers quickly got two outs, but then loaded the bases. This brought big bat Eric Chavez to the plate, who creamed his eighth homer of the year and his first career grandslam. Chavez, who is definitely All-Star material, now finds himself tied for second in the league in homeruns and tied for third in RBIs. The Z-Slayers fought back, managing to manufacture a run off of MMD reliever Kevin Gregg thanks to good baserunning from Juan Pierre and a clutch single from Jack Wilson. Gregg ran into trouble again in the eighth but closer Keith Foulke pitched 1 and 1/3 innings to get the save and secure the win. With this result, the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM are officially eliminated from playoff contention. If the Spartans win their next game, they will clinch the Division Championship and complete the Division 1 Playoff picture.
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AXN - 5   QEY - 4   F
W - Kolb (1-2)   L - Wickman (2-1)   Blown Save - Kolb (1)
AXN: Maroth: 6 IP, ER, QS (3)
QEY: Haynes: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (2)
AXN: Griffey Jr.: 3-4, 2 2B, HR (3), RBI (9)
QEY: Barrett: 3-3, 2 RBI (6)
AXN: Rivas: 2-3, BB, RBI (4), 2 SB (3)

With both teams out of the playoffs, this is our first more or less meaningless game of the year. The Darkpaws kicked things off with a three run rally in the third inning, with clutch hits coming from Luis Rivas, Hank Blalock, and Omar Vizquel, who tripled. In his third start of the year, Mike Maroth was solid and actually only gave up one hit through four innings. He worked his way out of a bases loaded jam in the fifth, and then surrendered a run in the sixth when Queynos catcher Michael Barrett smacked an RBI double in the sixth to put the Warriors on the board. While the Darkpaws added another run in the top of the eighth, the Warriors went to work in the bottom of the inning by putting the two leadoff men on. This prompted the Darkpaws to turn to closer Danny Kolb, the league leader in saves. However this one was not meant to be, as he couldn't prevent the bottom of the Queynos order kicking off a three run rally to tie the game at 4-4. Both teams then geared up for extra innings, but that very quickly did not become necessary. In the top of the ninth, former MVP Ken Griffey Jr. awoke from his slumber and hit a solo homerun to give the Darkpaws the lead and eventually the win. Although Griffey has had 14 homeruns each of the last two seasons, this is only his third so far this year. The Darkpaws have now won four of their last five games and move into a tie with the Warriors for fifth place. I suppose all these teams have left to play for is not ending up in last place. The Warriors play their last series against the JELLY QUEEN while the Darkpaws finish things up against playoff bound Meow Meow Dui.

The Kruk Bucket Episode Nine: Platinum Level Sports Journalism

Good evening folks, and welcome to Episode Nine of the Kruk Bucket; I'm your host John Kruk, and I'm mad as hell. I would like to clear the record with regards to events this past week. I did not, and I repeat DID NOT attempt to break in to Z-Slayers Park. Trust me, I'm just as excited as the next guy to try out the new Cheeseburger Apocalypse concession stands, but that was not the purpose of my going there. Sinister himself invited me to interview Coach Sith since he lost his bet to the Maxion Bombers. When I showed up, the security people were already there, ready for me. I never even caught a whiff of Death by Angus Beef Sandwich! So here is what I am thinking, folks. I'm thinking that this whole thing was just a way for Sinister to welch out of a bet that he lost. And why might he do that, you ask? Well, I personally believe that it's because Lord Sith isn't actually alive! That's right folks, you are hearing it first here, I think that Lord Sith is nothing more than a corpse! Or...um...whatever it is you call a dead cyborg. Why else would he be so adamant about shielding the guy from the press? And by the way, Mr. Sinister,  don't appreciate that comment about not being professional. Take a look at this fancy suit I'm wearing. It doesn't get more professional than this. Well folks, I think that's enough platinum level journalism for the day. Let's finish off some more of these hotdogs and then get to the rankings.

1. BOB (0) Really, folks? Is there anyone out there that can stop this team? After the Z-Slayers taking a nasty fall and getting swept by the Bombers, I'm not so sure anymore. Luis Aparicio definitely should be considered for MVP, and anyone in the rotation could get the Cy Young. There always seems to be a hot hand in the offense, and Mike Lowell is really pouring it on now. With a win and a Z-Slayer loss next week, they can clinch the division championship.

2. ZSY (0) This is another team that is completely in a class of its own, despite having a dead manager and a conniving GM. But semmingly still not in the Spartans class just yet. We will definitely see what this team is made of in these last three games, as they basically will do a playoff simulation: one game against Meow Meow Dui and two against the Spartans themselves.

3. MMD (+1) I think they are gonna win that third spot in Division 1, but it will certainly be an upset if they can get past round 1. While the pitching remains solid, their big guns on offense are just not consistent enough. If Eric Chavez and Aaron Rowand go silent at the wrong time, they really don't stand a chance. Curious to see how much of this team gets converted into a Jerusalem Falcons team?

4. RED (-1) A four game losing streak really can't be a nice way to head towards the playoffs. But I guess Ishmael von Corrin took solace in the fact that his team performed better against the Bobians than many of his peers. I have to say though, this is a very dangerous offense with the likes of SS Miguel Tejada on an absolute tear right now. Paul Konerko is having one of the worst years of his career, but if he can somehow come alive in the playoffs, he's a deadly combo with Alfonso Soriano batting behind him.

5. TEN (0) A split series against the Darkpaws wasn't exactly what they were looking for, but they'll take it. At this point they are one of the few teams in Division 2 whose fate rests squarely in their own hands; all they need to do is win to get in. Edgar Martinez Jr. has been the perfect fit for this team, to the point that I think this team is still in the running to win Division 2.

6. STL (+1) Again, talk about inconsistencies, but at this point this team has the biggest opportunity the grab that final playoff spot. I personally think that the Bombers miracle stretch ends here, but then again, the Cardinals have a tendency to split series, and they aready won Game 1 way back in Series 2.

7. TYC (+1) This team definitely has opportunity with their final three games against the Green Sox and Cardinals, but will they do anything with it? Does't seem likely to me, since nearly every player on the offense is having their worst season of their career, notably reigning MVP Jeremy Giambi. In fact, if it weren't for Fred McGriff punching way above his weight, there wouldn't be much run support left over.

8. MAX (+3) Listen folks, I'm really impressed just as much as the next guy with this four game win streak that this team has managed to put together against Division 1 powerhouses. But is this really sustainable? Even if they do win their final three games against the Cardinals and Aces, they still would need the Tycoons and Green Sox to take losses for them to get in. Richie Ashburn and Edgar Martinez have been really tearing things up, but this really would be the comeback of the century if they could work their way in.

9. LIN (0) Although technically still alive, I see no reason for this team to pull off the miracle to advance in Division 1. While they have played admirable .500 baseball the entire season, the team just hasn't shown any vertiable 'oomph' to make it contender. In order to capture the third playoff spot, they will need to win their remaining three games while Meow Meow Dui will need to lose their last three. The Spartans will most likely have their revenge by delivering the knockout blow next week.

10. QEY (-4) This team doesn't deserved to be ranked this low, but I guess that's what happens once you get officially knocked out of the playoff hunt. A real shame, as we've documented here many times before. In any case, there were things to be proud of from this team this season and certainly not a bad outlook for this team next year.

11. AXN (-1) The Darkpaws unfortunately are playing their best baseball of the season now that the games don't matter. But looking ahead to next season, where else to go than up? Ken Griffey Jr. will be the most glad to get this nightmare season behind him; the question will be what moves will re-signed GM A_M do to support the cast around him?

12. MEL (0) Just another bit of bad news for Marauders fans this week. Doctor Vindaloo is currently in the hospital with a case of acute yam shock. Word has it that he overdosed on curry following his team's sweep at the hands of MMD, as well as his decision to keep with the 2003 card theme for next season.

Well that's all for this episode, folks. There will be no Kruk Bucket after Series 11, so consider this the last power rankings of the year. We will see you at the end of the regular season for the All Star Team announcement and post season preview! Until then, eat up!

Series 10: Part 4: Another One Bites the Dust

QEY - 0   STL - 1   F/11
W - Isringhausen 04 (2-0)   L - Lopez (0-2)
QEY: Morris: 6 IP, 0 ER, QS (4)
STL: Morris: 6 IP, 0 ER, QS (3)
STL: Lankford: 1-3, 2 BB, GW 2B, RBI (7)
QEY: Spooneybarger, 3 IP, 0 ER
STL: Isringhausen 04: 3 IP, 0 ER

With the Warriors facing playoff elimination, they certainly did not bring their A-game in this one. Both teams sent Matt Morris to the mound and both had more or less the same result: six innings of each team's offense shooting itself in the foot and stranding an untold number of runners in scoring position. Twice in the middle innings did the Warriors have runners on second and third with nobody out, and both times they failed to score a single run. The Cardinals were not much better, and consistently ran out of gas just when opportunities arose. They also were snakebit several times from double plays. After six innings, both teams went to the bullpen. Coach Kalaby Jaby went with his best reliever, Tim Spooneybarger, who went three solid innings to finish off regulation. The Cardinals brought in the usually reliable Dave Veres, who in his eighth appearance of the year pitched two scoreless innings. Closer Jason Isringhausen then entered the game and went three innings to bring the game to the 11th. That's when Warriors reliever Javier Lopez made the fatal step that ended his team's season, surrendering an RBI double to Cardinal Ray Lankford. After the game, Queynos GM had the following to say: "We definitely deserved to lose this game, I won't argue that. But it's just a real shame that this team of ours isn't going to the playoffs. We played very well this season, we just didn't seem to get the lucky breaks that we needed. It's just heartbreaking that we're going to be at home while three Pee Wee League teams are going to have a shot at the championship." Next week the Warriors play a mostly meaningless game against the Darkpaws while the stakes are very high for the Cardinals as they take on the determined Maxion Bombers.
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TYC - 1   LIN - 0   F
W - Hoffman (1-0)   L - Karsay (2-4)   S - Kolb (4)
TYC: Penny: 7 IP, 0 ER, QS (4)
LIN: Loaiza: 7 IP, 0 ER, QS (5)
TYC: McGriff: 1-5, 2B, RBI (15)
TYC: Kolb: IP, H, S (4)
LIN: Roberts: 2-4, SB (3)

Once again, we have two teams in the midst of a playoff push and neither looking particularly good. Not to take away from the performance of either starter in this one, but both got big boosts from the incompetency of their opponents. That being said, Brad Penny had one of his better starts of the year, which is certainly encouraging for the Tycoons. Lindsyan Esteban Loaiza finishes the year with his fifth consecutive quality start, but miraculously sports a record of 0-0. Heading into the eighth with a tie game, the JELLY QUEEN opted for reliever Steve Karsay, who leads the league in relief appearances and relief innings pitched. He started off the season amazing, but he's been shakier and shakier as the season went on. Well the shakes continued in this one, as he surrendered the only run of the game in the top of the eighth, when Tycoon Fred McGriff ripped an RBI double. The Tycoons bullpen took over from there, with one run being more than enough: Trevor Hoffman and Danny Kolb pitched the next two innings to complete the game and earn the Tycoon's ninth win of the year. A good result for the Tycoons as they push to keep place in Division 2. As for the JELLY QUEEN, this loss puts them right at the edge of elimination. They will be eliminated next week either if they lose to the Bobians or if Meow Meow Dui beats the Z-Slayers.
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TEN - 11   AXN - 5
W - Foulke (1-2)   L - Komiyama (0-2)
TEN: Morris: 6 IP, 5 ER
AXN: Wood 02: 6 IP, 5 ER
TEN: Martinez Jr.: 2-3, BB, HR (2), GS (1), 4 RBI (9)
TEN: Vizquel: 2-4, 3B (5), 3 RBI (8)
TEN: Ortiz: 2-4, HR (9), 2 RBI (21)

This game got ugly right away, with the Darkpaws taking their former teammate Matt Morris to task, rocking him for five runs in the first inning thanks to a seemingly endless series of singles and walks. Morris however seemed to settle down after that, and despite certainly not looking good, did not give up another run through six. In what was likely to be his last start as a Darkpaw, Kerry Wood 02 got off to a good start but gave back most of the lead after a wretched third inning in which the Green Sox rallied for four runs, thanks largely to a bases loaded triple from Omar Vizquel. The tying run came in the top of the fifth thanks to a solo homerun from catcher Jorge Posada. The late innings were quiet, with both bullpens being effective, Satoru Komiyama for the Darkpaws and Paul Shuey for the Green Sox. But a storm was brewing in the top of the ninth. After Komiyama walked the leadoff batter, the Alyxians opted for another call to the bullpen and brought in Rich Garces. But things spiraled out of control from there. With only one out, the Green Sox loaded the bases and brought on base fifteen Edgar Martinez Jr. to the place. With not very good speed on the base pads, the infield was set up for the double play ball. The call from John Kruk "Garces deals...swung on and hit high and far to left center field...this one's back, it's got a chance...to the wall...SEEYA! A grandslam for Edgar Martinez Jr.!" To add a little more salt in the wound, two batters later David Ortiz crushed his ninth homer of the year to extend the lead to six. That was more than enough for former Darkpaw Keith Foulke to close out the game and secure the win. While this win officially eliminated the Marauders from playoff contention, this sets the stage next week for a dramatic showdown between the Green Sox and Mao's Tycoons.

League News Roundup 6 SEP 2017

John Kruk "Banned" From New Z-Slayers Park After Alleged Break-In

A dazed John Kruk was seen late last evening being escorted by security off of the grounds of the new Z-Slayer Park after allegedly trying to "break-in" to the stadium before it opens next week. Mr. Kruk appeared to be in yam shock at that time and wasn't able to give any coherent comment besides "I need a chalupa." Security authorities later announced that no charges would be filed against Mister Kruk but that he would be banned for life from entering the grounds. Later, after getting his strength back by a few rounds of Taco Bell, Kruk went on to say that he had been "setup." "I can show you the texts, for buffet's sake! Sinister himself invited me here so I could interview his mute coach! You might have heard that the Z-Slayers lost a bet...well I guess this is his way of welching out on it!" Sinister responded with subdued comments of its own, saying that he was very sorry that the broadcasting great wouldn't be able to announce any of their games in the future. Players around the league expressed disapproval with the way that the Z-Slayers organization handled the incident, with Maxion Bomber Richie Ashburn going even so far as to label this as a conspiracy.

Alyxian Darkpaws Officially Eliminated from Playoffs; AM Will Stay On

Although the Darkpaws were officially eliminated from playoff contention when Meow Meow Dui triumphed over the Melmegetian Marauders this week, the organization has decided that ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER is the guy that they want at the helm of the team for next season. A disappointing showing for the team this year, but the team has shown some promise in the second half of the year by winning several tough games. "It was too little, too late," AM was quoted as saying, "but it's something we can build on for next year." He went on to say that the team will definitely be making moves in the off season, but did not elaborate exactly how. While the starting pitching was solid for most of the year, both the bullpen and offense struggled horrendously for long stretches. No longer in playoff contention, the Darkpaws will play their final three games against the Queynos Warriors and Meow Meow Dui in the hopes of not finishing dead last in the league.

Shock Poll: Most Bobians Don't Read News Articles; New Literacy Outreach Program Announced

There was a bit of an awkward moment earlier this week when Bobian GM Ronde Barber was caught during an interview not exactly understanding that his team had already clinched the playoffs. An honest mistake, for sure, but this prompted a group of researchers to initiate a study that looked at fans likelihood to read news articles about their own teams. Their results were shocking and found that most attendees at Dulcolax Stadium had never even heard of the League News Roundup service. In response, the researchers came up with a novel idea to promote literacy among fans at the ballpark. Instead of printing the game's program on paper, they would now be printed on crispy bacon. Sales immediately rose through the roof last series against the Red Clay Aces, but researchers have yet to determine how much reading this actually promoted. Concerns about ink on the bacon were dismissed by the researchers, as a parallel study from the University of Kinshasa clearly showed that there were no ill effects from mixing the two. 

Series 10: Part 3: Results Guided by God?

ZSY - 0   MAX - 2   F

W - Franklin (2-2)   L - Day (1-1)   S - Rivera (4)

MAX: Franklin: 7 1/3 IP, 0 ER, QS (2)

ZSY: Day: 7 2/3 IP, 2 ER, QS (5)

MAX: Martinez: 1-5, 2B, RBI (16)

MAX: Ashburn: 2-4, BB, 2 SB (15), R

MAX: Rivera, IP, H, 3 K

Ryan Franklin didn't exactly dominate the Z-Slayers; in fact, you could say that in some regards he was out pitched by his rival, control 2 phenom Zach Day. Nevertheless, Franklin managed to get himself out of a few jams without giving up any runs. In characteristic Z-Slayer fashion, the offensive pressure was ratcheted up each and every inning, but Franklin made it so that they fell short of scoring each and every time. On the flip side, Zach Day was somewhat dominant and had a few 1-2-3 innings throughout the night. Nevertheless, excellent base running was absolutely crucial for the Bombers to pull ahead in this one. Richie Ashburn stole second in the third inning, and then was brought home two batters later by and Edgar Martinez double. Martinez has been one of the hottest and consistent hitters in the league right now, with five RBIs over the last four games. Mind you that none of those RBIs are the result of home runs and instead have all come from clutch hitting with runners in scoring position. A similar circumstance followed in the sixth inning when Delino "Delicious" Deshields stole both second and third with two outs. The very gutsy call paid off, as Bengie "Don't Make Fun of My Speed" Molina brought him home next at bat with an RBI single. The Maxion bullpen was as sharp as ever, with Ugueth Urbina making his team leading seventh appearance of the year to earn a hold in the eighth innings. Maxion closer Mariano Rivera made his second consecutive appearance and earned his second save in as many games with a strong close to the game. Incredibly, the Bombers have completed the sweep of the mighty Z-Slayers and have strung together their fourth straight win. With only three games left in the season, the Bombers face a crucial match up next week in a one game series against the St. Louis Cardinals.

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MMD - 5   MEL - 0   F
W - Rodgers (3-1)   L - Redman (1-3)
MMD: Rodgers: 7 IP, 0 ER, QS (5)
MEL: Redman: 7 2/3 IP, 5 ER
MMD: Chavez: 2-4, HR (7), 3 RBI (14)
MMD: Rowand: 3-3, BB, 2 2B, 2 RBI (10)
MEL: Kennedy: 4-4, 2 2B

This game was perhaps not as lopsided at MMD's previous 5-0 victory in Game 1. This game saw a lot of wasted opportunities and bad rolls for both sides, however Doctor Vindaloo's Marauders clearly got the worst of it. Melmegetian starter Mark Redman just doesn't seem to be the pitcher that he was at the beginning of the season, not earning a quality start in his last three appearances. He actually started off strong in this one but got burned when MMD left fielder Eric Chavez belted his team leading seventh home run of the year, which was good for three scores. Next inning, Redman loaded the bases but was kept in the game since he is an overwhelming ground ball pitcher. However MMD centerfielder Aaron Rowand then belted his second double of the game and brought home an additional two runs. On the other side of things, the Marauders offense certainly had their chances, loading the bases in both the sixth and eighth innings, but walking away in both cases with no runs scored. Neither general manager Doctor Vindaloo nor manager/second baseman responded to comments after the game. Although not technically eliminated from playoff contention, the Marauders will need a lot of help in order to make it. They can't be excited against their one game showdown next week against the Aces; a loss there would make the elimination official. As for Meow Meow Dui, this sweep was exactly what this team needed to get back on track in their own playoff race. They do control their own destiny for the rest of the season, but they might need some help with a difficult next game against the Z-Slayers.
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RED - 3   BOB - 4   F/12
W - Plesac (1-0)   L - Wagner (2-2)   Blown Save - Koch (1) 
BOB: Glavine SS: 7 IP, ER, QS (4) 
RED: Sheets: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (5) 
BOB: Ichiro: 3-5, BB, 2B, GW RBI (13)
BOB: Lowell: 1-4, BB, HR (4), 2 RBI (12)
RED: Tejada: 2-5, HR (5), RBI (15) 

The Bobians jumped out to an early lead in this one, thanks to Mike Lowell continuing his absolutely red hot hitting streak, hitting a two run shot. That makes ten RBI's for Lowell in the last five games, good enough for second most among the Spartans. The Bobians would later rally for another run, but could not stop Red Clay starter Ben Sheets from achieving his fifth quality start of the year. On the other side of things, Tom Glavine SS put up yet another impressive performance but was not quite as dominant as he has been in games past. For the first time this year, he failed to achieve a single 1-2-3 inning. Nevertheless, the Bobians had to be proud of the Cy Young contender in his last start of the season, as he went seven strong innings giving up only one run off the bat of a Paul Konerko solo shot. After the end of seven, the Spartans went to the bullpen and brought in Buddy Groom, who struggled in the top of the eighth and was lucky to escape with only one run given up after he walked in A.J. Pierzinscki with the bases loaded. After Groom, Billy Koch made his very first appearance of the year. Unfortunately for him, he looked a bit rusty and earned a blown save after the tying run was allowed to score in the form of a Miguel Tejada homerun. Tejada was one of the best Red Clay hitters in this series and indeed has been quite good down the stretch. At this point followed the rain delay, which put the gap of a few days between this and the conclusion of the game. Billy Koch somewhat redeemed himself by pitching another two quality innings before handing the game over to Dan Plesac, who also made his first appearance of the year. But in the bottom of the twelfth, the Bobian run manufacturing machine known as Luis Aparicio kicked into high gear; he hit a leadoff double against Aces closer Billy Wagner and then proceeded to steal third. That lead the always reliable Ichiro Suzuki to knock in the game winning run, and secure the Spartans sixth straight victory. A win next week against the Lindsyans will clinch the Division 1 Championship and a first round bye in the playoffs. As for Division 2, there is no longer any team in the Division with a record at or above .500. With four teams breathing down their necks, they absolutely need to pick up an easy win next week against the Melmegetian Marauders.

League News Roundup 27 August 2017

Rain It Up…Game 2 of Aces – Spartans Rained Out
Dulcolax Stadium looked like…well…an overflowing toilet bowl. It started drizzling just before the first pitch and rained on and off for most of the night. As the game progressed however, the storm intensified and the game appeared to be called off at any moment. After Tom Glavine SS put in seven innings of good work, the Spartans saw their rather rusty bullpen surrender the lead and the score was even at 3-3 by the end of regulation. At that time the heavens opened up and torrential downpours turned the field into a muddy swamp. The rain was so intense that the bullpens filled up with water and became like swimming pools. Lightning flashed and players and fans alike scurried away for cover…with the exception of former Bobian Lance Berkman, who was in attendance and cannon balled into the flooded home team bullpen and was later seen repeatedly dunking his old drinking buddy Chris Mears. Fortunately the field is equipped with a “flush” function that minimized water damage, however the question still remains as to how to handle an interrupted game. Should the teams call it a tie? Should they continue the extra innings some other time? Or should the whole thing just be settled by a good old fashioned pie eating contest? The question will be settled this week when the commissioner meets with general managers Ronde Barber and Ishmael von Corrin.

War of Words Part 2…Lord Sinister Ups the Ante
After Maxion centerfielder Richie Ashburn was vindicated for predicting a Bomber win over the Z-Slayers, Lord Sinister angrily replied that his team had been “ripped off” and that there was “zero chance” for a Maxion sweep. “If he’s so confident,” said Ashburn, “how about a little wager? If we lose, I’ll dye my hair pink for the rest of the season. And hell, even the post season too, if we make it. But if the Z-Slayers lose…then I want this mysteriously silent Lord Sith to have a sit down interview with John Kruk!” When this was presented to Sinister, he didn’t even hesitate. “Of course. Hope you like hot pink, Richie, you always struck me as a bit of a fruit.” Later in the day, Z-Slayers second baseman Ken Harvey was reportedly fined by the team due to making comments aloud about how interesting that interview would actually be, saying that he himself had never heard Sith speak. Z-Slayers management went on to label this as a “disciplinary action.”

First Home Run Derby Rules Proposed
The Commissioner has proposed rules for the first ever home run derby to be held in between the end of the regular season and the start of the postseason. The top 10 or 12 home run hitters in the league will compete across four rounds, with each round consisting of twenty pitches. There will be a cumulative running total throughout each round, with 5 or 6 players eliminated after round 1, then 2 or 3 eliminated after round 2, 1 more eliminated in round 3, and then a final one-on-one round. This week the commissioner will propose this to the owners with the hope of having the rules made official next week.

Series 10, Part 2: Bit Competitive

ZSY - 1   MAX - 2   F
W - Rivera (1-0)   L - Rincon (1-1)
MAX: Daal: 6 IP, ER, QS (2)
ZSY: Hernandez: 7 IP, ER, QS (5)
MAX: Martinez: 4-4, BB, 2 2B, 2 RBI (15)
MAX: Ashburn: 3-4, BB, 2 2B, SB (13)
ZSY: Kiner: 2-4, BB, HR (7), RBI (21)

Is Maxion artillery guided by God? It is really starting to look like it, especially after this game. This looked to be an interesting one, with Richie Ashburn leading off the game with a double and then stealing third. Yet with nobody out, Runelvys Hernandez managed to get out of the jam unscathed. His opponent Omar Daal had a similar first inning, with Carl Crawford leading off with a walk, and then being thrown out trying to run to third on a Juan Pierre single. So it went through the early innings, with both teams threatening, but neither side capitalizing. That is, until Edgar Martinez popped an RBI double in the fourth that brought home Benjie "Don't Make Fun of My Speed" Molina, putting the Bombers on the board first. Other than that, Hernandez was as solid as always and didn't surrender any other runs. His seven innings of effort were good enough to secure his league leading fifth quality start of the year. As for Omar Daal, this clearly was his best start of the year and shut out the potent Z-Slayer offense through six quality innings. He came out to pitch the seventh, but immediately surrendered a solo homerun to MVP candidate Ralph Kiner, which tied the game 1-1. This seemed to rattle Daal's cage, as he walked the next two batters. With nobody out and two men on, the Bombers went to the bullpen and brought in reliever Shigetoshi Hasegawa. Hasegawa struck out catcher Jason Larue and then got Carl Crawford to ground out into a double play, with some help from an amazing play by Bombers second baseman Jeff Kent. With the game tied at 1-1, both teams went to the bullpen. Z-Slayer long reliever Ricardo Rincon took the mound in the top of the ninth, where he ran into some trouble. With a runner on second two outs, Rincon intentionally walked Richie Ashburn in order to face Corey Koskie. But Koskie also walked and brought Edgar Martinez to the plate, who managed to single in the go ahead run and give the Bombers a 2-1 lead. Rincon struck out the next batter to stop the bleeding there. In the bottom of the ninth, the Bombers brought in closer Mariano Rivera, who intentionally walked Ralph Kiner to start the inning. This gamble paid off, as the next batter grounded out into the double play. Rivera then struck out the next batter with his signature cutter fastball to end the game and finish off the amazing and improbable win for the Bombers. Who would have thought that it would be the Maxions to break the Z-Slayers record win streak? And a record it shall be, but one shared with the Spartans. With almost every other Pee Wee League team losing this round, the Bombers suddenly find themselves only one game out of a playoff spot and only two (or three) games out of first place.
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TYC - 1   LIN - 3   F
W - Schoenweiss (2-2)   L - Wood (0-1)   S - Nen (3)
LIN: Schoenweiss: 6 IP, ER, QS (4)
TYC: Wood: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (2)
LIN: Stewart: 3-3, 2 BB, RBI (6)
LIN: Mientkiewicz: 1-4, RBI (6)
TYC: Ja. Giambi: 2-4, 2B, HR (3), RBI (8)

Both teams came into this game in the thick of a playoff battle, and both teams could really use a win here. Former Darkpaw Kerry Wood made his second start as a Tycoon, and definitely looked shaky early on. A real nasty jam in the second inning only resulted in one run for the JELLY QUEEN, thanks to a big double play as well as an excellent throw from right fielder Ryan Freel to throw out Shannon Stewart trying to score from second. Wood settled down after that, but still surrendered another run in the fifth and was tagged with another run for a man that he left on base in the eighth. As for the JELLY QUEEN, Scott Schoenweiss was a little better but was by no means dominant himself and got help at a few points from his defense. The Tycoons managed to score only once off of him, and that came in the form of a Jason Giambi solo shot in the sixth. Despite a lead off double in the eighth, the Tycoons could not bring any runs home. They had another golden opportunity in the ninth, there Lindsyan closer Robb Nen started off the inning by walking the first two batters he faced. But Nen recovered, and ended the inning without giving up any runs. Game Two of the series is sure to be interesting, as both teams are rapidly approaching do-or-die territory.
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BOB - 7   RED - 3   F
W - Halladay (4-0)   L - Fogg (1-1)
BOB: Halladay: CG (4), 3 ER, QS (4)
RED: Fogg: 6 IP, 7 ER
BOB: Lowell: 3-5, HR (3), 2B, 3 RBI (10)
BOB: Aparicio: 1-4, 2 SB (21 - breaks season record), RBI (5)
RED: Tejada: 3-4, 2 2B, BB, RBI (14)

Finally, we arrived to the matchup that Spartan GM Ronde Barber said that he was most looking forward to. The Red Clay offense seemed to do a bit better than their peers against Cy Young contender Roy Halladay, who worked in and out of trouble throughout the early innings. The Aces scored first thanks to a Keith Ginter solo shot, with the Bobian response coming immediately in the form of a Mike Lowell solo blast of his own. Halladay surrendered another run in the fifth, but managed to get out of several jams unscathed. His counterpart Josh Fogg had a similar performance, but was victimized by a Luis Aparicio special in which the speedy shortstop knocked in a run and then rounded the bases thanks to two stolen bases and an RBI single from Travis Hafner. Those two stolen bases, by the way, put Aparicio as the sole record holder for most stolen bases in a season. Josh Fogg was severely burned by a meltdown in the seventh inning, which was kicked off by a bases loaded double off the bat of Mike Lowell, snagging his ninth and tenth RBI's of the year. After a very slow start to the season, Lowell has really turned it around down the stretch, posting an astounding eight RBIs in the last four games. After Lowell's big hit, the end of the Bobian lineup rallied for another two runs. The Aces however didn't go down without putting together an opportunity to win it. In the bottom of the ninth, Roy Halladay worked himself into a bases loaded jam with only one out. With the tying run at the plate and a seventeen quality start streak on the line, Coach Maddux left all his relievers inactive and left the fate of the game squarely in the hands of Halladay. Halladay first struck out Keith Ginter, who had homered earlier in the contest, and then got out the Aces ninth hitter, Jose Cruz, on a harmless ground ball to second. Although not his best performance of the year, Halladay earned his fourth win of the season, all of which were quality starts and complete games. With this win, the Spartans move into sole possession of first place of Division 1. With this loss, Division 2 once again has no team with a record above .500.

League News Roundup 15 AUG 2017

That was Fast...TEN Coach Rex Loudsnore Suspended for Remainder of Regular Season
Following a very tough loss to the Alyxian Darkpaws, the league commissioner announced that Tenbil Town Green Sox head coach Rex Loudsnore would be suspended for the remainder of the regular season. The suspension was handed down after the Green Sox coach spit tobacco juice on the umpire's shoes after being ejected in the ninth inning in his first career game as a head coach. The commissioner clarified, however, that Loudsnore could rejoin the team for the postseason, if the Green Sox end up qualifying. In addition to the tobacco juice episode, Loudsnore was loudly criticized for several decisions that he made during the game, including calling for a failed stolen base from Willie Harris as well as keeping starter Kaz Ishii in the game deep into the seventh inning. General Manager Emerick Jones had the following to say after the suspension was announced: "Certainly in'fortunate, but all the same I res'peck the commissioner's decision. In the mean time Rock Hot Jim Houston will take over head coaching duties; this loss is cert'inly not the way I wanted to start my tenure heah', and it stings doubly with the loss of Rex."

Eyes on the Prize...BOB and ZSY Clinch Playoff Berths To Zero Fanfare
With successful sweeps in Series 9, both the Spartans of Bobia and the Tuldaria Z-Slayers guaranteed their respective spots in the playoffs. Both teams, however, seem entirely focused on winning the division that neither team celebrated the milestone. Both teams are having their best years in franchise history and both are currently on track to finish the season with the highest winning percentage in league history. The big question, and what most of the league is looking forward to, are the teams matchup in Series 12. As this is the last of the season, the fate of the Division 1 first round playoff bye will most likely hang in the balance then. As John Kruk astutely observed earlier this week, no Division Champion has ever even made the final round of the playoffs, let alone won a league championship. Although with how good the Spartans and Z-Slayers have been, that certainly looks like it may change this year.

War of Words...Richie Ashburn Calls for a Bomber Win
"We are the end of the line for this Z-Slayer winning streak," said a highly confident Richie Ashburn in an interview this week, "There isn't anything that can stop us right now. We're moving with full steam ahead." Ashburn went on to say that the Bombers were not just playing to make the playoffs but to win the division. "When you look at the standings, we are still in it. We are currently three games back of the Aces. If we can pick up two games over them over the next two series, that's all we need. Our last series of the year is with the Aces, so two wins there would put us in first." These comments prompted a reply from Z-Slayers General Manager Lord Sinister, who said that not only did the Bombers not stand a chance to win their division, they didn't even stand a chance to win their next game. "Look at this team, they're just pathetic. The only reason that these people are still relevant is because they're classic Pee Wee Leaguers. Nobody even wants to be their manager, for chrissakes!" He also called Ashburn "delusional" and a "second-rate" outfielder, while also saying that the Bombers were about to get a lesson from a "real" first place team.

Series 10: Part 1

MMD - 5   MEL - 0   F
W - Schilling (4-1)   L - Beckett (1-3)
MMD: Schilling: CG (1), 0 ER, QS (4)
MEL: Beckett: 7 IP, 5 ER
MMD: Chavez: 1-5, HR (6), RBI (11)
MMD: Zaun: 1-3, 2 BB, RBI (14)
MMD: Tejada: 2-4. RBI (7)

With a five game losing streak, there is perhaps no better person to turn to than MMD starter Curt Schilling, who is one of the leading contenders in the Cy Young award discussion. He took to the mound in this one and delivered one of his best starts of the year, clearly miffed a bit after his previous performance against the Spartans. Throughout the course of the entire evening, the Marauder bats were helpless against Schilling, who cruised through the early and middle innings. The Marauder starter, Josh Beckett, also was pitching quite well until he had a bit of a breakdown in the fifth. Eric Chavez kicked things off with a solo homerun, his sixth of the year which leads all MMD hitters and ties him for second place in the league. After Chavez followed a series of seven walks and singles, punctured only once by a strike out. Eventually Eric Chavez himself came to bat again in the same inning with the bases loaded. He grounded out into a double play to end the inning, but by then the damage had been done, as MMD had run up the score to 5-0. That was really more than enough for Schilling, who went the distance, completing the game and shutting out Dr. Vindaloo entirely. This was a much needed win for Meow Meow Dui, who finally snap a five game losing streak and give them a little breathing room from the three teams chasing them for a playoff spot. As for the Marauders, they are approaching do or die territory. Game 2 won't be any easier for them when MMD sends Kenny Rodgers to the mound, who has had quite a good season thus far.
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STL - 3   QEY - 6   F
W - Wickman (2-0)   L - Springer (1-2)
QEY: Rodgers: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
STL: Oliver: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
QEY: Alfonzo: 1-3, BB, GW 2B, 2 RBI (9)
QEY: Burks: 1-4, BB, HR (6), 2 RBI (18)
STL: Walker: 2-3, 2 BB, HR (5), 2 RBI (14)

The reeling Cardinals scored first with Ray Lankford popping his first home run of the season, a solo shot in the second. Queynos starter Kenny Rodgers settled down after that and pitched decently until the middle innings. His offense backed him up with some run support, with centerfielder Ellis Burks crushing his sixth homerun of the year, as well as tacking on another RBI single during a Warriors two run rally in the fifth. However, the run support was squandered almost immediately; in the top of the sixth, Larry "Weapon of Mass Destruction" Walker awoke from his slumber and tied the game up with his fifth homerun of the year. Both starters put in seven quality innings, allowing three runs a piece before turning things over their respective bullpens. Bob Wickman pitched a scoreless eighth for the Warriors; Cardinals reliever Russ Springer ran into some trouble. With two outs and a man on first, he surrendered a double to Sean Casey, bringing the go ahead run to third base. Third baseman and very clutch hitter Edgardo Alfonzo stepped to the plate and delivered with a 2 RBI double. Catcher Michael Barrett followed with a double of his own to bring the score to 6-3 before the ecstatic Queynos crowd. Bob Wickman completed his second inning of work in the top of the ninth to earn the Warrior's 8th win of the year. As for the Cardinals, this represents their third straight loss, awful timing for a team in a desperate playoff push. Although they are only one game out of third place, they are also only one game up on the last place team.
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AXN - 8   TEN - 7   F
W - Nunez (1-1)   L - Ishii (1-3)   S - Kolb (6)
AXN: Zito: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
TEN: Ishii: 7 IP, 6 ER
AXN: Griffey Jr. 04: 1-4, GS (1), 4 RBI (6)
TEN: Ortiz: 3-4, 2 HR (8), 2B, 4 RBI (19)
AXN: Blalock: 3-4, 2B, Sac Fly, RBI (9)

You could tell that this was going to be a wild one from the get-go. Tenbil Town kicked things off by loading the bases in the bottom of the first, and then having David Ortiz smash a 2 RBI double. Darkpaw starter Barry Zito managed to get out of the inning without bleeding further, but gave up another run in the second off of an Edgar Martinez Jr. double. Tenbil Town starter Kaz Ishii also didn't look his best, as he was working in and out of trouble for most of the night. He surrendered a two run rally in the third, but otherwise managed to keep the Darkpaws off the board, with many thanks given to the Tenbil Town defense that stepped up in this one in a major way. They had the notable achievement of turning a triple play in the top of the sixth. However Kaz Ishii ran into a bit of trouble in the seventh. With two outs and the bases loaded, Green Sox coach Rex Loudsnore clearly was conflicted about going to the bullpen. He made a visit to the mound in which there seemed to be an animated discussion, but went back to the dugout without pulling Ishii from the game. What a fatal mistake; the next batter was Ken Griffey Jr. 04 (not the Super Season edition that most know) who crushed Ishii's changeup over the centerfield wall for a grand slam. The Darkpaws offense flexed their muscles again in the eighth with a Luis Rivas triple, and a subsequent Mike Cameron single to make the score 7-3. But the Green Sox weren't about to take this lying down. In the bottom of the eighth they struck with two homeruns, a two run shot from Magglio Ordonez and a solo homerun from David Ortiz. In the top of the ninth, Darkpaws second baseman Luis Rivas led off with another big hit, a lead off double. Ken Griffey Jr. then hit a sacrifice fly that moved the speedy Rivas to third. Hank Blalock then stepped up to the plate and hit a deep fly ball to right field, which was caught by J.D. Drew. Rivas tagged again and ran for his life towards home. The throw came into home and there was a collision at the plate; the umpire shouted "SAFE!" which instantly brought on a torrent of boos from the Tenbil Town crowd. Coach Rex Loudsnore immediately came out of the dug out and things got nasty right away, with Loudsnore shouting in the umps face. Eventually the umpire ejected him, to which Loudsnore responded by spitting tobacco juice on the umpire's shoes. Video replay afterward showed that Rivas was clearly safe, as catcher Brent Mayne was unable to physically apply the tag. The Darkpaws brought in league saves leader Danny Kolb to protect the 8-6 lead in the bottom of the ninth. David Ortiz hit his second homerun of the night, but alas for the Green Sox it was only a solo shot. Kolb was able to otherwise protect the lead and secure his team's third straight win as well as his sixth save. Take this game as yet another bizarre example of the dominance of Division 1 over the Pee Wee League. Although the Darkpaws are 0-7 against other Division 1 teams this year, they are a very respectable 7-4 against Pee Wee League opponents.

The Kruk Bucket, Episode 8: Have Another Dawg Brah

JK: Welcome to Episode Eight of the Kruk Bucket; I'm your host John Kruk. Today I'm joined by special guest Emerick Jones, newly appointed general manager of the Tenbil Town Green Sox. Mr. Jones, we're really happy to have you here today for a couple of reasons: firstly, you are the talk of the league right now, entering smack dab into the middle of the battle for the playoffs. And a week ago, almost nobody knew your name. Another reason why I'm happy you are here is that I still have some leftover hot dogs from last episode and wanted to share some. Here, take a few.

EJ: Well thank yeh' kindly, Mr. Kruk. The pleasure is all mine.

JK: And I have to say...that is one awesome bolo tie that you have there. But to get to the actual interview, a lot of people are wondering why you're joining the Green Sox now.

EJ: Well Mr. Kruk, my granpappy had a sayin' of his. You strike when that iron is a' hot. Or said in simple language, you take a good opportunity when yeh' see 'un. After this latest series 'gainst the JELLY QUEEN, I was convinced by mah lucky stars that this team is standing on the doorstep of a Golden Opportunity, if there ever was one. They've got the most momentum right now out of any team in Division Two, and this part of the season is a' good as any to be playing yer best.

JK: Hard to disagree with that. You know, this team really has come a long way. At certain points in the season, you could just feel that this team was completely demoralized. But the bullpen seems to have improved and the offense is now cooking like an industrial sized deep fryer. What do you think has changed since the rather awful start? Here, have another hot dog, sir.

EJ: Thank yeh' kindly. Well, I think some of the recent roster moves have been a big help. Allow me to point out two of them. Firstly, Edgar Martinez Jr has been an excellent addition and I think has met and even exceeded expectations for the team. As you might imagine, he was brought in to be a run scorer, but has four RBIs in four games. That's certainly a bonus. The other thing that helped was bringing in catcher Brent Mayne, who's definitely more defensive oriented. No dis'repec' to Jorge Posada, but with only +5 catcher Posada is much more useful for our team at the Designated Hitter position.

JK: For sure. And it kind of boggles the mind to think about all the offensive weapons the team has aside from Martinez and Posada. There's J.D. Drew, Magglio Ordonez, David Ortiz...it really is a good looking lineup when things are working.

EJ: Tha's right, Mr. Kruk. And its a'workin' now. Why duh you think I jumped on this bandwagon? *smiles*

JK: Some might say you're jumping in when things are the easiest. The remaining schedule is AXN, TYC, MEL. Another hot dog for you, sir.

EJ: Thank yeh' kindly. Tha's right. All winnable games. No dis'respec' to ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER, the Ghost of Mao, or Doc Vinjahpoo, they all are fine gen'ral man'gers. But the Tenbil Town Green Sox are one of the only teams at this point of the season that control their own destiny. All we need'a do is win, and then we're in. Like I said a'fore, we can catch that there light'nin' in a bottle and then we just steamroll right over the Pee Wee League. We don' need worry about none a dem high falutin Division One teams until the Championship...an' well I can't talk no big words 'gainst those teams now, so I'll just say that the Green Sox are former champs. We know how the make things happen. They won the champ'in'ship in Season Three.

JK: Very true. So just a last question for you Mr. Jones. Not only are you an unknown commodity, but nobody really knows who any of your new coaches are . Who are they exactly?

EJ: Coupla' frien's o mine. We all go-a way back. Used to have a ball club of our own back in Texas, call ourselves The Good 'Ol Boys. Won a lotta games back in those days. Good times. Plannin' on bringin'em back here to Tenbil Town. Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Kruk, it appears that my glass of Wild Turkey here is emm'ty. I thank you fer the interview an look forward to the rest of your commen'try in this episode.

JK: Thank you very much for stopping by and thanks for the insight. Your team is definitely one of the more interesting ones to follow here in the last five games. This week I'll be covering the QEY-STL series, but maybe we'll get a chance to meet the series after when you take on the Tycoons. Anyways folks, because of the interview, we are almost out of time...so lets go through my power rankings, lightning round style!

1. BOB (0) There's a lot of talk about the real championship being in round two of the playoffs. I say not so fast, but you do know that good pitching usually beats good hitting. The Spartans four starters are all All-Star material, so I simply don't see anyone stopping them anytime soon.

2. ZSY (0) Nine straight wins ties a league record. They will try to break the record this week against the Bombers. By the way, they outscored the Red Clay Aces 25-14 last series. Yikes.

3. RED (0) The team showed some heart last week against the Z-Slayers, but wow do they look totally unprepared for the playoffs. Just to get an idea of how precarious they are, they could very well end up sitting in third place of Division 2 by the end of next series.

4. MMD (0) Got very lucky that the JELLY QUEEN unexpectedly got swept by the Green Sox, although the Warriors are still coming in hot and heavy and picked up a game against them. I'm not feeling great about this team now, but they should bounce back this week against the struggling Marauders. Desperate to break a woeful five game losing streak.

5. TEN (+5) The interview above more or less explains it. They have a good schedule down the stretch and are one of the hottest teams in the league right now. But caution; a false move against the Darkpaws will take the wind out of their sails faster than butter melts on toast.

6. QEY (+1) The reigning Division 1 Champs are on the march, and by golly I'm rooting for them. They're much better than their record shows and they have a very doable remaining schedule: STL, AXN, LIN. If anyone deserves that third playoff spot in Division 1, I think it's the Warriors.

7. STL (-1) There were a number of recent disappointments across the league, but none stung more than the Cardinals sweep at the hands of the lowly Darkpaws. Those were games that the Cardinals needed to win, and they simply choked. Now they will probably need to play better than .500 ball to make the playoffs.

8. TYC (0) Despite Mao adding a song about a cult, nothing has changed with this team, so I'm not changing my views. They still could sneak into the playoffs and actually make it far given the weakness of the Pee Wee League. But I don't see much potential for a three-peat. With the Green Sox hungry and the Cardinals pissed off, they're gonna have to work hard either way. Thanks for the hot dogs, by the way, you little punks.

9. LIN (-4) Does this team suffer from a Krukkie Curse? Every time I say good things about them, they fall apart. Since I won't this episode, does that mean that they will finally perform against  the Tycoons? They better if they want to stay in the playoff picture.

10. AXN (+2) The Darkpaws played their best baseball of the season this last series against the Cardinals. Too little, too late? Well scarily enough, don't look now but they are only three games out of a playoff spot! Unlikely, but still somehow alive. At this point the most interesting thing will be to see if AM sticks around as GM.

11. MAX (-1) Definitely an amazing effort pulling off the sweep of MMD, but it will be a true miracle if they can keep it going. Nobody is jealous of them facing off this week against the Z-Slayers and their nine game win streak. But who knows, they are only two games back of third place. Maxion artillery is guided by God?

MEL (-1) Sorry Doctor Vindaloo, that shipment of chicken tandoori you sent to my house was nice but it isn't going to change the facts. Your team is tied for last place in the Pee Wee league and your remaining schedule is one of the worst in the league (MMD, RED, TEN). All I can say is good luck!

Well that's all for this episode folks. Thanks again for tuning in. I'd like to thank my guest, as well as sponsors Hebrew National, Wild Turkey Whiskey, and Dr. Vindaloo. See you at the end of Series 10!

End of Series 9: 3 Games, 3 Surprises

STL - 3   AXN - 7   F
W - Piniero (1-0)   L - Smith (0-3)
AXN: Piniero: CG (4), 3 ER, QS (2)
STL: Smith: 7 IP, 5 ER
AXN: Cameron: 2-4, 2 RBI (8)
AXN: Griffey Jr.: 2-4, 2B, RBI (8)
STL: Grudzielanek: 1-3, BB, HR (1), 3 RBI (6)

Two time Cy Young award winner Joel Piniero went to the mound in his first start as a member of the Darkpaws. Things did not get off to a great start for him, as he surrendered a three run homer to Cardinals second baseman Mark Grudzielanek in the second inning. But after that, Piniero settled down rather nicely and was dominant throughout the middle innings. His opponent, Bud Smith was solid through five, only surrendering one run in the third. But things collapsed for him in the sixth, where the Darkpaws went on a four run rally powered by the heart of the lineup. Indeed, there was something strange about seeing Ken Griffey Jr. pop an RBI double; that's his first RBI in three series. Mike Cameron followed up with another RBI single, his second of the game and eighth of the year. With a two run lead, that’s all that Piniero really seemed to need, as he continued to mow through the Cardinals batting order into the late innings. Cardinals reliever Jason Isringhausen 03 struggled in the eighth, giving up another two run rally to the Darkpaws, leading to the best offensive performance that the Alyxians have had all season. Combined with the strong performance from the former Cy Young winner, is there hope for the Darkpaws on the horizon? If not for this season, then the next one? With five games left in the season, all does not seem totally lost for them being three games back of third place. This loss completes the sweep and also breaks the Cardinals streak of splitting series. It really could not have come at a worse time for the Cardinals, who were clearly looking for two easy wins in this series and came up with goose egg. While the rest of their schedule is not overly intimidating, things will not get easier for them as the face off next week against a hungry Queynos Warriors team.
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MMD - 1   MAX - 2   F
W - Urbina (2-1)   L - Biddle (0-1)
MAX: Halladay: 8 IP, ER, QS (3)
MMD: Pavano: 8 IP, ER, QS (3)
MAX: Jeter: 1-4, GW RBI single (5)
MAX: Matsui: 1-4, HR(1), RBI (6)
MMD: Hatteberg: 2-4, RBI (7)

In this clash of first class pitchers, Meow Meow Dui drew first blood with first baseman Scott Hatteberg knocking in an RBI single in the top of the second. Following that, however, Bombers starter Roy Halladay settled down and twirled a gem of a game, dominating MMD through the eighth inning without ever getting into trouble. His counterpart, reigning Cy Young winner Carl Pavano actually did even better, only surrendering two hits throughout the first five innings. The third hit he surrendered came in the sixth, which unfortunately was a solo homerun to Hideki Matsui which tied the game at 1-1. After eight innings, both teams went to the bullpen and buckled down for extra innings. Ugueth Urbina made his seventh appearance of the year for the Bombers and pitched an uneventful top of the ninth. However MMD reliever Rocky Biddle had an inning that was…well…rocky. With two outs, Jeff Kent doubled and then moved to third on a Tony Clark single. That brought Derek Jeter to the plate, who hit a clutch, game winning single that completed the David vs. Goliath sweep for the Bombers, a result which surprised many. Much like the Cardinals sweep at the hands of the Darkpaws, MMD was perhaps too overconfident and blew an opportunity to pad their playoff position in third place. Instead, with five games left in the season, they now look at the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM just one game back, the Queynos Warriors two games back, and the lowly Darkpaws even just three and a half games back. They have a golden opportunity to snap their five game losing streak against Dr. Vindaloo’s struggling Marauders. As for the Bombers, are they mounting a serious playoff push? While this sweep is certainly impressive, it will still be a massive uphill battle as they have one of the worst remaining schedules in the league: ZSY, STL, RED. But what a story that would be if they could climb back into contention of the Pee Wee League and overcome a nine game losing streak from earlier in the season.
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RED - 7   ZSY - 10  F
W - Wells (5-0)   L - Buerhle (0-4)   S - Graves (5)
ZSY: Wells: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
RED: Buerhle: 1/3 IP, 7 ER
ZSY: Harvey: 3-6, 3 RBI (11)
ZSY: Wilson: 3-4, 2 3B (5), 2 RBI (14)
RED: Giambi: 2-5, HR (5), 2B, 2 RBI (12)

Mark Buerhle has been having a bad season, but it got a whole lot worse yesterday after he put up the worst start of the entire season thus far. Before he could even get two outs, the Z-Slayers had already pounded him for seven runs, all of which without the help of a homerun. The big hits came from Jack Wilson, 2 RBI triple and Carl Crawford with a bases loaded double. Buerhle's short performance was taken over by reliever Shingo Takatsu, who couldn't stop the bleeding, allowing two runs to score in the second and then another in the third. The Aces managed to squeeze a run out of Z-Slayers ace Kip Wells in the third, leaving the score after three innings an absurd 10-1. Things settled down in the middle innings, where Takatsu managed to continue unscathed into the fifth, while Wells continued the best season of his career with a scoreless performance until he surrendered a two run homer to Keith Ginter in the sixth. Danny Patterson came in to relieve Wells in the seventh, but only narrowly worked out of trouble. Patterson returned in the eighth and again almost got horribly burned, but managed to escape with giving up only one run. Meanwhile the Red Clay bullpen had managed to keep the Z-Slayers from expanding their lead, thanks to a few clutch double plays, one of which got Red Clay reliever Mike Myers out of a bases loaded jam. With a 10-4 lead, Lord Sith handed the game over to reliever Oscar Villareal to finish the game. But Villareal quickly surrendered a two run rally and left the bases loaded with only one out. With the tying run stepping up to the plate in the form of home run prone Paul Konerko, Lord Sith pulled Villareal and brought in closer Danny Graves to try and save the day. Konerko worked graves to a full count before the umpire called ball four on a very close pitch from Graves. This walked in a run and brought the score to 10-7, with the leading run stepping to the plate in the form of hot hitting second baseman Alfonso Soriano. The free swinging Soriano, who already had two doubles in the game, smashed Graves fastball all the way to deep centerfield, but not far enough to avoid a fly ball out. Because of less than stellar speed on the base pads, no tagging was possible. That next brought up Jason Giambi who had homered earlier in the game. Despite having control of the roll, Giambi wiffed three times, entirely fooled by Graves changeup. Another huge win for the Z-Slayers, who now make it nine straight. As for the Aces, they fall to an embarrassing 9-8 record, which still miraculously keeps them at number one in the Pee Wee league, as well as two games ahead of the second place team. Things certainly do not look easier next week against the Spartans.