The Kruk Bucket, Episode 8: Have Another Dawg Brah

JK: Welcome to Episode Eight of the Kruk Bucket; I'm your host John Kruk. Today I'm joined by special guest Emerick Jones, newly appointed general manager of the Tenbil Town Green Sox. Mr. Jones, we're really happy to have you here today for a couple of reasons: firstly, you are the talk of the league right now, entering smack dab into the middle of the battle for the playoffs. And a week ago, almost nobody knew your name. Another reason why I'm happy you are here is that I still have some leftover hot dogs from last episode and wanted to share some. Here, take a few.

EJ: Well thank yeh' kindly, Mr. Kruk. The pleasure is all mine.

JK: And I have to say...that is one awesome bolo tie that you have there. But to get to the actual interview, a lot of people are wondering why you're joining the Green Sox now.

EJ: Well Mr. Kruk, my granpappy had a sayin' of his. You strike when that iron is a' hot. Or said in simple language, you take a good opportunity when yeh' see 'un. After this latest series 'gainst the JELLY QUEEN, I was convinced by mah lucky stars that this team is standing on the doorstep of a Golden Opportunity, if there ever was one. They've got the most momentum right now out of any team in Division Two, and this part of the season is a' good as any to be playing yer best.

JK: Hard to disagree with that. You know, this team really has come a long way. At certain points in the season, you could just feel that this team was completely demoralized. But the bullpen seems to have improved and the offense is now cooking like an industrial sized deep fryer. What do you think has changed since the rather awful start? Here, have another hot dog, sir.

EJ: Thank yeh' kindly. Well, I think some of the recent roster moves have been a big help. Allow me to point out two of them. Firstly, Edgar Martinez Jr has been an excellent addition and I think has met and even exceeded expectations for the team. As you might imagine, he was brought in to be a run scorer, but has four RBIs in four games. That's certainly a bonus. The other thing that helped was bringing in catcher Brent Mayne, who's definitely more defensive oriented. No dis'repec' to Jorge Posada, but with only +5 catcher Posada is much more useful for our team at the Designated Hitter position.

JK: For sure. And it kind of boggles the mind to think about all the offensive weapons the team has aside from Martinez and Posada. There's J.D. Drew, Magglio Ordonez, David Ortiz...it really is a good looking lineup when things are working.

EJ: Tha's right, Mr. Kruk. And its a'workin' now. Why duh you think I jumped on this bandwagon? *smiles*

JK: Some might say you're jumping in when things are the easiest. The remaining schedule is AXN, TYC, MEL. Another hot dog for you, sir.

EJ: Thank yeh' kindly. Tha's right. All winnable games. No dis'respec' to ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER, the Ghost of Mao, or Doc Vinjahpoo, they all are fine gen'ral man'gers. But the Tenbil Town Green Sox are one of the only teams at this point of the season that control their own destiny. All we need'a do is win, and then we're in. Like I said a'fore, we can catch that there light'nin' in a bottle and then we just steamroll right over the Pee Wee League. We don' need worry about none a dem high falutin Division One teams until the Championship...an' well I can't talk no big words 'gainst those teams now, so I'll just say that the Green Sox are former champs. We know how the make things happen. They won the champ'in'ship in Season Three.

JK: Very true. So just a last question for you Mr. Jones. Not only are you an unknown commodity, but nobody really knows who any of your new coaches are . Who are they exactly?

EJ: Coupla' frien's o mine. We all go-a way back. Used to have a ball club of our own back in Texas, call ourselves The Good 'Ol Boys. Won a lotta games back in those days. Good times. Plannin' on bringin'em back here to Tenbil Town. Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Kruk, it appears that my glass of Wild Turkey here is emm'ty. I thank you fer the interview an look forward to the rest of your commen'try in this episode.

JK: Thank you very much for stopping by and thanks for the insight. Your team is definitely one of the more interesting ones to follow here in the last five games. This week I'll be covering the QEY-STL series, but maybe we'll get a chance to meet the series after when you take on the Tycoons. Anyways folks, because of the interview, we are almost out of time...so lets go through my power rankings, lightning round style!

1. BOB (0) There's a lot of talk about the real championship being in round two of the playoffs. I say not so fast, but you do know that good pitching usually beats good hitting. The Spartans four starters are all All-Star material, so I simply don't see anyone stopping them anytime soon.

2. ZSY (0) Nine straight wins ties a league record. They will try to break the record this week against the Bombers. By the way, they outscored the Red Clay Aces 25-14 last series. Yikes.

3. RED (0) The team showed some heart last week against the Z-Slayers, but wow do they look totally unprepared for the playoffs. Just to get an idea of how precarious they are, they could very well end up sitting in third place of Division 2 by the end of next series.

4. MMD (0) Got very lucky that the JELLY QUEEN unexpectedly got swept by the Green Sox, although the Warriors are still coming in hot and heavy and picked up a game against them. I'm not feeling great about this team now, but they should bounce back this week against the struggling Marauders. Desperate to break a woeful five game losing streak.

5. TEN (+5) The interview above more or less explains it. They have a good schedule down the stretch and are one of the hottest teams in the league right now. But caution; a false move against the Darkpaws will take the wind out of their sails faster than butter melts on toast.

6. QEY (+1) The reigning Division 1 Champs are on the march, and by golly I'm rooting for them. They're much better than their record shows and they have a very doable remaining schedule: STL, AXN, LIN. If anyone deserves that third playoff spot in Division 1, I think it's the Warriors.

7. STL (-1) There were a number of recent disappointments across the league, but none stung more than the Cardinals sweep at the hands of the lowly Darkpaws. Those were games that the Cardinals needed to win, and they simply choked. Now they will probably need to play better than .500 ball to make the playoffs.

8. TYC (0) Despite Mao adding a song about a cult, nothing has changed with this team, so I'm not changing my views. They still could sneak into the playoffs and actually make it far given the weakness of the Pee Wee League. But I don't see much potential for a three-peat. With the Green Sox hungry and the Cardinals pissed off, they're gonna have to work hard either way. Thanks for the hot dogs, by the way, you little punks.

9. LIN (-4) Does this team suffer from a Krukkie Curse? Every time I say good things about them, they fall apart. Since I won't this episode, does that mean that they will finally perform against  the Tycoons? They better if they want to stay in the playoff picture.

10. AXN (+2) The Darkpaws played their best baseball of the season this last series against the Cardinals. Too little, too late? Well scarily enough, don't look now but they are only three games out of a playoff spot! Unlikely, but still somehow alive. At this point the most interesting thing will be to see if AM sticks around as GM.

11. MAX (-1) Definitely an amazing effort pulling off the sweep of MMD, but it will be a true miracle if they can keep it going. Nobody is jealous of them facing off this week against the Z-Slayers and their nine game win streak. But who knows, they are only two games back of third place. Maxion artillery is guided by God?

MEL (-1) Sorry Doctor Vindaloo, that shipment of chicken tandoori you sent to my house was nice but it isn't going to change the facts. Your team is tied for last place in the Pee Wee league and your remaining schedule is one of the worst in the league (MMD, RED, TEN). All I can say is good luck!

Well that's all for this episode folks. Thanks again for tuning in. I'd like to thank my guest, as well as sponsors Hebrew National, Wild Turkey Whiskey, and Dr. Vindaloo. See you at the end of Series 10!

End of Series 9: 3 Games, 3 Surprises

STL - 3   AXN - 7   F
W - Piniero (1-0)   L - Smith (0-3)
AXN: Piniero: CG (4), 3 ER, QS (2)
STL: Smith: 7 IP, 5 ER
AXN: Cameron: 2-4, 2 RBI (8)
AXN: Griffey Jr.: 2-4, 2B, RBI (8)
STL: Grudzielanek: 1-3, BB, HR (1), 3 RBI (6)

Two time Cy Young award winner Joel Piniero went to the mound in his first start as a member of the Darkpaws. Things did not get off to a great start for him, as he surrendered a three run homer to Cardinals second baseman Mark Grudzielanek in the second inning. But after that, Piniero settled down rather nicely and was dominant throughout the middle innings. His opponent, Bud Smith was solid through five, only surrendering one run in the third. But things collapsed for him in the sixth, where the Darkpaws went on a four run rally powered by the heart of the lineup. Indeed, there was something strange about seeing Ken Griffey Jr. pop an RBI double; that's his first RBI in three series. Mike Cameron followed up with another RBI single, his second of the game and eighth of the year. With a two run lead, that’s all that Piniero really seemed to need, as he continued to mow through the Cardinals batting order into the late innings. Cardinals reliever Jason Isringhausen 03 struggled in the eighth, giving up another two run rally to the Darkpaws, leading to the best offensive performance that the Alyxians have had all season. Combined with the strong performance from the former Cy Young winner, is there hope for the Darkpaws on the horizon? If not for this season, then the next one? With five games left in the season, all does not seem totally lost for them being three games back of third place. This loss completes the sweep and also breaks the Cardinals streak of splitting series. It really could not have come at a worse time for the Cardinals, who were clearly looking for two easy wins in this series and came up with goose egg. While the rest of their schedule is not overly intimidating, things will not get easier for them as the face off next week against a hungry Queynos Warriors team.
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MMD - 1   MAX - 2   F
W - Urbina (2-1)   L - Biddle (0-1)
MAX: Halladay: 8 IP, ER, QS (3)
MMD: Pavano: 8 IP, ER, QS (3)
MAX: Jeter: 1-4, GW RBI single (5)
MAX: Matsui: 1-4, HR(1), RBI (6)
MMD: Hatteberg: 2-4, RBI (7)

In this clash of first class pitchers, Meow Meow Dui drew first blood with first baseman Scott Hatteberg knocking in an RBI single in the top of the second. Following that, however, Bombers starter Roy Halladay settled down and twirled a gem of a game, dominating MMD through the eighth inning without ever getting into trouble. His counterpart, reigning Cy Young winner Carl Pavano actually did even better, only surrendering two hits throughout the first five innings. The third hit he surrendered came in the sixth, which unfortunately was a solo homerun to Hideki Matsui which tied the game at 1-1. After eight innings, both teams went to the bullpen and buckled down for extra innings. Ugueth Urbina made his seventh appearance of the year for the Bombers and pitched an uneventful top of the ninth. However MMD reliever Rocky Biddle had an inning that was…well…rocky. With two outs, Jeff Kent doubled and then moved to third on a Tony Clark single. That brought Derek Jeter to the plate, who hit a clutch, game winning single that completed the David vs. Goliath sweep for the Bombers, a result which surprised many. Much like the Cardinals sweep at the hands of the Darkpaws, MMD was perhaps too overconfident and blew an opportunity to pad their playoff position in third place. Instead, with five games left in the season, they now look at the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM just one game back, the Queynos Warriors two games back, and the lowly Darkpaws even just three and a half games back. They have a golden opportunity to snap their five game losing streak against Dr. Vindaloo’s struggling Marauders. As for the Bombers, are they mounting a serious playoff push? While this sweep is certainly impressive, it will still be a massive uphill battle as they have one of the worst remaining schedules in the league: ZSY, STL, RED. But what a story that would be if they could climb back into contention of the Pee Wee League and overcome a nine game losing streak from earlier in the season.
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RED - 7   ZSY - 10  F
W - Wells (5-0)   L - Buerhle (0-4)   S - Graves (5)
ZSY: Wells: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
RED: Buerhle: 1/3 IP, 7 ER
ZSY: Harvey: 3-6, 3 RBI (11)
ZSY: Wilson: 3-4, 2 3B (5), 2 RBI (14)
RED: Giambi: 2-5, HR (5), 2B, 2 RBI (12)

Mark Buerhle has been having a bad season, but it got a whole lot worse yesterday after he put up the worst start of the entire season thus far. Before he could even get two outs, the Z-Slayers had already pounded him for seven runs, all of which without the help of a homerun. The big hits came from Jack Wilson, 2 RBI triple and Carl Crawford with a bases loaded double. Buerhle's short performance was taken over by reliever Shingo Takatsu, who couldn't stop the bleeding, allowing two runs to score in the second and then another in the third. The Aces managed to squeeze a run out of Z-Slayers ace Kip Wells in the third, leaving the score after three innings an absurd 10-1. Things settled down in the middle innings, where Takatsu managed to continue unscathed into the fifth, while Wells continued the best season of his career with a scoreless performance until he surrendered a two run homer to Keith Ginter in the sixth. Danny Patterson came in to relieve Wells in the seventh, but only narrowly worked out of trouble. Patterson returned in the eighth and again almost got horribly burned, but managed to escape with giving up only one run. Meanwhile the Red Clay bullpen had managed to keep the Z-Slayers from expanding their lead, thanks to a few clutch double plays, one of which got Red Clay reliever Mike Myers out of a bases loaded jam. With a 10-4 lead, Lord Sith handed the game over to reliever Oscar Villareal to finish the game. But Villareal quickly surrendered a two run rally and left the bases loaded with only one out. With the tying run stepping up to the plate in the form of home run prone Paul Konerko, Lord Sith pulled Villareal and brought in closer Danny Graves to try and save the day. Konerko worked graves to a full count before the umpire called ball four on a very close pitch from Graves. This walked in a run and brought the score to 10-7, with the leading run stepping to the plate in the form of hot hitting second baseman Alfonso Soriano. The free swinging Soriano, who already had two doubles in the game, smashed Graves fastball all the way to deep centerfield, but not far enough to avoid a fly ball out. Because of less than stellar speed on the base pads, no tagging was possible. That next brought up Jason Giambi who had homered earlier in the game. Despite having control of the roll, Giambi wiffed three times, entirely fooled by Graves changeup. Another huge win for the Z-Slayers, who now make it nine straight. As for the Aces, they fall to an embarrassing 9-8 record, which still miraculously keeps them at number one in the Pee Wee league, as well as two games ahead of the second place team. Things certainly do not look easier next week against the Spartans.

League News Roundup 7 AUG 2017

Emerick Jones named as new Tenbil Town GM; Names Coaching Staff
A man by the name of Emerick Jones has been named general manager of the Tenbil Town Green Sox effective immediately. There is not much public information about Jones, but there has been some talk about him having links to organized crime, which the Tenbil Town organization dismissed on the grounds that “that accusation has been levelled against nearly every new GM so far this season.” There was no press conference to announce Jones but instead the team released a quickly written letter announcing the following personnel changes: Rex Loudsnore will take on duties of head coach; Rock Hot Jim Houston will be hitting coach; Texas Bathroom Bill will assume the duties of pitching coach. Jones will be a featured guest on the next episode of “The Kruk Bucket.”

Mao’s Tycoons Adopts “Cult of Personality” as Official Theme Song
In a league announcement, Tycoons GM the Ghost of Mao announced that his team will adopt the song “Cult of Personality” as official theme song. Mao announced that this move came on the heels of a decision not to make any further trades before the trade deadline at the end of the season, and was implemented to provide some kind of morale boost to a team that is fighting to avoid missing the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. Mao also voiced his opposition to creating a “super division” next season and instead said that the better solution would be to change the teams around in each respective division.

Repairs on Z-Slayers Park Expected to Finish on Time
Z-Slayers Park is expected to re-open as scheduled for Game 1 of series 11. The project, which has cost millions of dollars, was made possible by GM Lord Sinister contributing a large portion of that from his own personal funds. The repairs, which were necessitated by the explosion of a dormant Zachrian bomb, nearly bankrupted the organization earlier this year. In the meantime, the Z-Slayers have been playing their home games at the field used by Tuldaria High School; since the field is known as a hitters field, the team has unsurprisingly been dominant since moving there, and are currently on an eight game winning streak. Lord Sinister announced that there will be a ribbon cutting ceremony before the game to inaugurate the stadium, which Sinister said “would be the biggest and best stadium in the entire league. When asked if head coach Lord Sith would finally make another public appearance, Sinister immediately responded that he wouldn’t due to “foreseen circumstances.”

Series 9 Part 3

QEY - 4   TYC - 1
W - Mulder (3-1)   L - Johnson (1-3)   S - Spooneybarger (2)
QEY: Mulder: 8 1/3 IP, ER, 4 H, QS (4)
TYC: Johnson: 7 IP, 4 ER
QEY: Burks: 2-4, HR (4), 3B (2), 3 RBI (16)
QEY: Catalanotto: 1-4, 2B, RBI
QEY: Spooneybarger: 2/3 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, S (2)

Queynos wasted no time in this one, kicking off the game by rallying for two runs in the first inning, thanks to an RBI triple by Ellis Burks and the subsequent single from Frank Catalanotto that brought Burks home. Tycoons starter Randy Johnson settled down after that, however it seemed that the Warriors were able to get runners in scoring position for most of the remaining innings. On the other side of things, Warriors Ace Mark Mulder pitched one of the best games of his career. He surrendered a double in the first but then was perfect for the next 19 batters until he walked Tycoons catcher Joe Mauer in the eighth. Going back to Johnson, he had managed to keep the Warriors from scoring again until Ellis Burks struck again with a two run shot in the seventh, brining the score to 4-0. At that point it just remained to be seen if Mulder could complete the game and earn a notable achievement. Unfortunately that was not to be, as he surrendered three hits in the bottom of the ninth, the last resulting in a Jeremy Giambi RBI single. With the tying run now at the plate, Queynos coach Kalaby Jaby made a call to the bullpen and brought reliever Tim Spooneybarger into the game. Spooneybarger, as usual, was dominant, securing two quick outs to end the game and earn the save. This win bolsters the Warriors playoff hopes; they are now three and a half games out of third place and have five game left in the season. As for the Tycoons, this is just more Pee Wee League antics, as this loss leaves the Red Clay Aces as the only Division 2 team at or above .500.
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BOB - 2   MEL - 0
W - Seaver (2-1)   L - Moyer (1-2)
BOB: Seaver: CG (2), 0 ER, 4 H, QS (3)
MEL: Moyer: 7 IP, 2 ER, QS (3)
BOB: Aparicio: 1-4, R, 2 SB (19)
BOB: Martinez: 1-4, HR (2), RBI (9)
BOB: Hafner: 2-3, 2B, BB, RBI (8)

The Spartans got some run support early, thanks to smart base running from Ichiro Suzuki and a clutch double from the reliable Travis Hafner. After that, both Aces settled down and started an old fashioned pitchers duel. Long time Marauder Maime Joyer pitched quite well through seven innings, the only other wound coming from an Edgar Martinez solo homerun. Moyer also pitched into quite a jam in the third inning, but made the wise decision to intentionally walk Hafner to pitch to Mike Lowell, whom he got to ground out to end the inning. Although Moyer gave an entirely satisfactory performance, he was outdone by Bobian starter Tom Seaver, who was nearly unhittable throughout the entire game, racking up 16 strikeouts, which is enough to lead the team. Throughout the game, the Marauders only had four total hits and runners reached scoring position only twice. With this notable performance, Seaver pushed the case to be mentioned in All Star Team discussions. After this classic Bobian win, the Spartans next travel to Red Clay for yet another Pee Wee League matchup. As for Dr. Vindaloo, he recently announced a great project to power wash the giant Shiva Natarajah Statue in Melmegetia Municipal Stadium since it hasn't been fired up in such a long time. The franchise is reportedly low on funds due to massive orders of Indian take out, but has implemented a cost savings program to fund the power washing. The team bus has reportedly been sold, so many of the Marauders will be car pooling or walking to their next matchup, which will be a tough one against Meow Meow Dui.
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LIN - 3   TEN - 8   F
W - Shuey (1-1)   L - Karsay (2-3)
TEN: Beckett: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS (4)
LIN: Beckett: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS (3)
TEN: Martinez Jr.: 2-4, HR(1), 3 RBI (4)
TEN: Shuey, 2 IP, 0 ER
LIN: Ramirez: 2-4, RBI (13)

An interesting matchup of Josh Beckett versus Josh Beckett. At first it seemed like the Tenbil Town Beckett was off to a better start; the Lindsyan pitcher struggled early, working into trouble in each of the first three innings. The Green Sox offense was able to capitalize in the second inning, putting together a two run rally with big hits from newest additions Jeffrey Hammonds and Edgar Martinez Jr. But then the roles reversed; Lindsyan Beckett settled down and pitched well until the sixth and the Tenbil Town Beckett had issues in the fourth and fifth, surrendering a run in each. So at the end of six innings, both Becketts had the same exact STATS: 6 IP, 2 ER. Both coaches felt contented with that and opted to turn the game into a battle of bullpens. This brought Lindsyan reliever Steve Karsay into the game for his league leading 8th appearance of the season. However, the normally very solid Karsay had his worst game of the season. He immediately surrendered a two run homer to Edgar Martinez Jr. in the seventh, putting his team at a 4-2 deficit. To add insult to injury, he had a complete meltdown in the eighth, allowing a four run rally in which he surrendered five consecutive singles at one point. After Tenbil Town reliever Paul Shuey had pitched two quality innings, he turned the game over to C.J. Nitkowski in the top of the ninth. The Lindsyans did manage to put together a rally, but it only amounted to a measly one run. With this win, Tenbil town completes the sweep and must be quite happy with the teams rejuvenated offensive performance; they've scored five or more runs for five straight games now. With one of the better remaining schedules of Pee Wee League teams, this sweep of the Lindsyans puts the team in excellent position to push for the playoffs here as the season winds down. As for the JELLY QUEEN, this is nothing other than a major setback. They are 1 and 1/2 games back from third place Meow Meow Dui and are rapidly approaching do or die territory. They, like many others, will be very much rooting for the Bombers to complete the sweep of MMD.

League News Roundup: 31 July 2017

Lance Berkman Released, No Longer A Suspect in Taklamente Murder
Former Spartan Lance Berkman has been released by authorities and is no longer considered a suspect in the murder of Meow Meow Dui coach Checko Checko Taklamente. Berkman was found just blocks away from the scene of the crime, throwing something into a sewer grate. When apprehended, Berkman admitted to “doing a really horrible thing”, that he “was just angry” and that “that person didn’t deserve it.” It was thought at first that Berkman was referring to murdering Taklamente and was throwing a murder weapon into the sewer. But as police authorities have termed it, this was simply a case of the “wrong man, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.” Berkman had been drinking heavily that day and had apparently gotten into a bar fight with Spartans reliever Chris Mears. The two had been quarreling over which player had had the better career. The fight resulted in Berkman dragging Mears into the bathroom and giving him repeated swirlies while broadcasting the entire affair over his Snapchat account. Later Berkman drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels in one evening and was attempting to throw away the bottle in the sewer grate when the police found him. His comments at apprehension had referred to the previous incident with Mears and had nothing to do with Taklamente. Darkpaws Bench Coach Harlan Ellison and Former Wildheart pitcher Tomo Ohka remain in police custody and are still both being treated as suspects.

Ishmael Von Corrin: "Something is not right about Lord Sith."
In an interview after his team’s 15-7 drubbing at the hand of the Z-Slayers, Red Clay GM Ishmael Von Corrin became yet another voice to join in about the strange behavior of the newly appointed Z-Slayers coach, Lord Sith. “To be honest,” Von Corrin said, “he really just looks like a rag doll or even a corpse. He just sits in the dugout totally limp for the entire game. His players drag him in from the clubhouse in the beginning and drag him out at the end. In fact, no one has ever seen Sith do anything under his own power. It just seems very strange to me.” Sith, who disappeared after the fall of the Numidian Empire, has resurfaced after years of supposedly being on the run from law enforcement. Currently he’s only wanted in Zachria for crimes against humanity and charges of terrorism, while many other jurisdictions have labelled him as being dead. In response to these comments, Z-Slayers GM Lord Sinister had the following to see. “You know, I used to think that Von Corrin was one of the better GMs in the league. But I’m disappointed to see that he’s just another one of these crybaby conspiracy theory Pee Wee Leaguers. He’s probably saying this to take the media’s attention away from his team’s absolutely pitiful performance last game.” Game 2 of the series should prove to be rather interesting.

Darkpaws Hint At Rebuilding Team: AM Still Very Much on the Hot Seat
Although technically not eliminated from the playoffs, the Alyxian Darkpaws are limping towards the close of their worst season yet as a franchise. That being said, rumors are circulating that GM ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER could be fired any day now in a gesture that signals the team’s intent to make radical changes in the offseason. Several commentators, John Kruk included, have questioned this logic, saying that AM really hasn’t been the source of the team’s problems. Instead, it has been a very poor performance from the offense. Nevertheless, AM’s regime is currently in chaos. His bench coach, Harlan Ellison, is currently one of the prime suspects in the murder of Coach Taklamente. Outside consultants from BillyWitchDoctorDotCom have apparently sold all of the team’s workout equipment to raise funds for a resurrection ceremony for a big bucket of KFC. The franchise player Ken Griffey Jr. reportedly does not get along well with hitting coach Ted. But should the Darkpaws decide to remove ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER, he would probably not be long unemployed with several new franchises currently in the works for next season, which would be glad to have a league veteran at the helm. The Tenbil Town Green Sox, still without any staff, have been mentioned as another possible fit.

Series 9 Part 2: Patterns of Force

LIN - 3   TEN - 9  F
W - Thomson (2-1)   L - Rueter - (1-3)
TEN: Thomson: 8 IP, 3 ER, QS (2)
LIN: Rueter: 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER
TEN: Drew: 3-4, HR (5), BB, 3 RBI (8)
TEN: Ortiz: 1-4, 2B, BB, 2 RBI (15)
TEN: Ordonez: 2-4, HR (4), BB, 2 RBI (6)

Currently both of these find themselves in fourth place, outside the playoff picture. Therefore, you can imagine how intense this series might shake out to be. But it really seemed to be the Green Sox who brought their A-game to this one. J.D. Drew continued his improvement after a disastrous first half of the season by taking Lindsyan starter Kirk Rueter deep in the top of the first for two scores. The Green Sox extended their lead to 4-0 in the third when Magglio Ordonez followed himself with a two run blast. Things didn’t get better for Rueter in the fourth either, when David Ortiz hit a bases loaded double, bringing him to 15 RBI’s on the season. That ties him for second most in the league. Edgar Martinez got in on the action as well, knocking in a run in the sixth, as well as knocking Rueter out of the game. On the other side of things, the JELLY QUEEN offense was truly pathetic in this one, with many bad rolls and quite a few double plays. Not to take away from the performance of John Thomson, but it just seemed like the whole team was out of whack. Besides a second inning jam, Thomson cruised all the way to the eighth, his longest performance so far this season, when he surrendered a three run rally to the Lindsyans. But by then it was too late; the Green Sox had added another two runs against relief pitcher Braden Looper. Increasing the deficit to an insurmountable nine runs. The explosive offensive performance by the Green Sox show just how powerful homeruns can be once you have men on base. Despite having 5 homeruns, J.D. Drew only has 8 RBIs; despite having 4 homeruns, Magglio Ordonez only has six RBIs. The Edgar Martinez strategy certainly paid off in today’s game, as he was brought home twice on long balls from batters further down the order. Both teams hold their fourth place position as they quietly wait to see the results of other games.
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MAX - 4   MMD - 3   F
W - Pettitte (2-2)   L - Ortiz (1-2)   S - Rivera (3)
MAX: Pettitte: 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
MMD: Ortiz: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
MAX: Martinez: 2-4, HR (2), 2B, BB, 2 RBI (13)
MMD: Rowand: 3-5, 2B, RBI (7)
MAX: Rivera, IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 ER, S (3)

For a fourth starter matchup, this sure was a good one, pitting Maxion former Cy Young winner Andy Pettitte against MMD Russ Ortiz, both of whom have been quite solid. However, the two rivals got off to rocky starts: in the first inning Ortiz surrendered a home run to Edgar Martinez, while Pettitte surrendered two doubles, one to Aaron Rowand and the other to Miguel Tejada, which brought Rowand home for a score. After this initial hiccup, both pitchers really settled down and mowed through the enemy lineups until the sixth inning. Up to the sixth, Ortiz had given up only one hit which was the Martinez homerun in the first. But the Bombers woke up at that point and strung together a series of four hits: a single from Richie Ashburn (who then went on to steal second), then a single from Corey Koskie, then an RBI double from Edgar Martinez, and finally an RBI single from Hideki Matsui. The Bombers extended their lead to 4-2 in the top of the eighth, thanks to a Corey Koskie double. In the bottom of the eighth, Pettitte came out to start the inning but surrendered a double to Eric Chavez after getting one out. This lead the Maxions to go to the bullpen to bring in reliever Mike Stanton, who looked very shaky. He surrendered a walk and then a double which cut the lead to 4-3, with Meow Meow Dui in position to tie the game. But Stanton pulled up his pants and delivered two outs which ended the danger. Maxion closer Mariano Rivera entered in the ninth and pitched a 1-2-3 inning against the top of the Dui order, squeezing out a win for the Maxions and earning his third save of the year.
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RED - 7   ZSY - 15   F
W - D'Amico (2-2)   L - Ortiz (1-1)   S - Myers (1)
ZSY: D'Amico: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS (1)
RED: Ortiz: 5 IP, 5 ER
ZSY: Harvey: 5-5, 4 RBI
ZSY: Kiner: 2-4, HR (6), GS (1), 2B, 4 RBI (19)
RED: Tejada: 3-4, HR (4), 2 RBI (13)

The Z-Slayer offense was relentless in this one, starting right from the beginning. Red Clay starter Ramon Ortiz was constantly under attacked and did a decent job at containing the bleeding to only one run in the second, another in the third, another in the fourth, and then two in the fifth. It also didn't help that Carl Crawford and Juan Pierre seemed to be on base every inning, which gave major headaches to catcher A.J. Pierzynscki. Crawford and Pierre had EIGHT stolen bases, four each, throughout the course of this game. Pierzynscki only threw out Pierre once. Travis Harper came in relief for the Aces, but he too ran into major issues, surrendering an RBI triple to Jack Wilson and yet another RBI single to Ken Harvey, who by the way, has now re-entered the discussion about All Star second baseman. But the Red Clay offense had not yet died. Shortstop Miguel Tejada got his team on the board in the fourth with an RBI single and then again in the sixth with a solo homerun. Mike Myers was the Z-Slayer reliever who entered in the seventh; he went 1-2-3 in the seventh, but faltered in the eighth by surrendering a two run rally. So at the top of the ninth, the Z-Slayers had a 7-4 lead. Enter reliever Mike Remlinger, the only available reliever in the Red Clay bullpen after their marathon series against the Tycoons. To say it politely, Remlinger got pummeled. Up to this point none of the Z-Slayer runs had come via homerun, but they corrected that right away with Ralph Kiner continuing his miracle season with a grand slam. He was followed three batters later with a two run shot from catcher Jason Larue, who has quietly amassed four homeruns and ten RBIs on the season. Before the half of the inning was over, The Z-Slayers had added another two runs thanks to more smart base running from Crawford and Pierre and clutch hits from Wilson and Harvey. With an eleven run lead, Coach Sinister sent Mike Myers out to the mound to finish the game and his third inning of work. Myers was obviously fatigued, and struggled to complete the inning, with Alfonso Soriano smashing a three run homer and the Aces threatening more. But indeed Myers was able to finish the game and bizarrely earn a save since he successfully defended a three run lead in the eighth. This is despite the fact that he allowed five runs over three innings. Yet another win for the Z-Slayers (that's eight straight) and yet another loss for a Pee Wee League team.

League News Roundup July 21

Three Arrests Made in Taklamente Murder
Police have released the identities of three people taken in as suspects in the murder of Meow Meow Dui general manager Checko Checko Taklamente. The first was Harlan Ellison, the bench coach of the Alyxian Darkpaws, who was seen making threats against Taklamente in a video that went viral after the team’s latest loss against the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM. The threats, which came during a long tirade in the Darkpaw locker room, referenced all sorts of violence to be used against the Meow Meow Coach for “ruining the balance of Division 1.” Ellison, who many have already considered to be slightly unhinged after he forced one of his relievers to chug an entire keg of Gatorade after a blown save, made the comments a day before the murder happened. The second suspect was named as former Spartan Lance Berkman, was positively ID’d just blocks away from the site of the murder shortly after it happened, retching violently into a sewer grate on the street. When police asked him why he was vomiting so much, his first response was mysteriously to say “Because I’ve done a really horrible thing. I was just angry; that person didn’t deserve it.” Police are still determining what these words mean, but reports indicate that Berkman had previously met with Meow Meow Dui leadership to discuss a possible comeback. The third and final suspect is Zachrian-Japanese pitcher Tomo Ohka, who previously pitched for the Zachrian Wildhearts. Ohka was arrested at Atheninia International Airport after buying a one-way ticket the night of the murder for a flight that same evening out of the country. He arrived at the airport in such a rush, that he was stopped at security for forgetting his passport. It is not known at this time what connection Ohka had with Taklamente, but Taklamente’s anti-Japanese bias was notorious throughout the league. Stay tuned to this one, more details sure to come.

Formal Investigation to be launched against Dr. Vindaloo
The league commissioner has formally launched an investigation in an apparent corruption probe against Marauder manager Dr. Vindaloo. Sources have been tight lipped as to what sparked the investigation, but several people have speculated that it might have something to do with a cover-up operation undertaken by Vindaloo himself. Several trucks worth of Indian food was seen being sent by Vindaloo to Dulcolax Stadium in what Marauder leadership called “a gesture of good will.” The Marauders will host the Spartans next week at Melmegetia Municipal Stadium.

Seaver Hints At Leaving Spartans; Will Be a Free Agent
As talk begins to heat up about several expansion teams, Spartan ace Tom Seaver said recently in an interview that we would feel a certain sense of obligation to pitch for the New York Mets, if they were to join the league. “When someone calls me ‘The Franchise’, what exactly do you think that's referring to?” Seaver replied to the reporter with a twinkle in his eye. Seaver ruled out the possibility, however, of pitching for the Red Clay Aces, a team that has expressed interest in signing him. Unless he was traded, he said, his decision would be between the Spartans or Mets. Although Seaver has pitched very well, he’s been somewhat overshadowed this year by the other pitchers on the staff; Roy Halladay and Tom Glavine SS are both very strong candidates for Cy Young while John Burkett is tied for the league lead in quality starts. Word has also gotten out that Seaver hasn’t exactly gotten along with coach Maddux, but this remains an unconfirmed rumor.