League News Roundup 27 August 2017

Rain It Up…Game 2 of Aces – Spartans Rained Out
Dulcolax Stadium looked like…well…an overflowing toilet bowl. It started drizzling just before the first pitch and rained on and off for most of the night. As the game progressed however, the storm intensified and the game appeared to be called off at any moment. After Tom Glavine SS put in seven innings of good work, the Spartans saw their rather rusty bullpen surrender the lead and the score was even at 3-3 by the end of regulation. At that time the heavens opened up and torrential downpours turned the field into a muddy swamp. The rain was so intense that the bullpens filled up with water and became like swimming pools. Lightning flashed and players and fans alike scurried away for cover…with the exception of former Bobian Lance Berkman, who was in attendance and cannon balled into the flooded home team bullpen and was later seen repeatedly dunking his old drinking buddy Chris Mears. Fortunately the field is equipped with a “flush” function that minimized water damage, however the question still remains as to how to handle an interrupted game. Should the teams call it a tie? Should they continue the extra innings some other time? Or should the whole thing just be settled by a good old fashioned pie eating contest? The question will be settled this week when the commissioner meets with general managers Ronde Barber and Ishmael von Corrin.

War of Words Part 2…Lord Sinister Ups the Ante
After Maxion centerfielder Richie Ashburn was vindicated for predicting a Bomber win over the Z-Slayers, Lord Sinister angrily replied that his team had been “ripped off” and that there was “zero chance” for a Maxion sweep. “If he’s so confident,” said Ashburn, “how about a little wager? If we lose, I’ll dye my hair pink for the rest of the season. And hell, even the post season too, if we make it. But if the Z-Slayers lose…then I want this mysteriously silent Lord Sith to have a sit down interview with John Kruk!” When this was presented to Sinister, he didn’t even hesitate. “Of course. Hope you like hot pink, Richie, you always struck me as a bit of a fruit.” Later in the day, Z-Slayers second baseman Ken Harvey was reportedly fined by the team due to making comments aloud about how interesting that interview would actually be, saying that he himself had never heard Sith speak. Z-Slayers management went on to label this as a “disciplinary action.”

First Home Run Derby Rules Proposed
The Commissioner has proposed rules for the first ever home run derby to be held in between the end of the regular season and the start of the postseason. The top 10 or 12 home run hitters in the league will compete across four rounds, with each round consisting of twenty pitches. There will be a cumulative running total throughout each round, with 5 or 6 players eliminated after round 1, then 2 or 3 eliminated after round 2, 1 more eliminated in round 3, and then a final one-on-one round. This week the commissioner will propose this to the owners with the hope of having the rules made official next week.

Series 10, Part 2: Bit Competitive

ZSY - 1   MAX - 2   F
W - Rivera (1-0)   L - Rincon (1-1)
MAX: Daal: 6 IP, ER, QS (2)
ZSY: Hernandez: 7 IP, ER, QS (5)
MAX: Martinez: 4-4, BB, 2 2B, 2 RBI (15)
MAX: Ashburn: 3-4, BB, 2 2B, SB (13)
ZSY: Kiner: 2-4, BB, HR (7), RBI (21)

Is Maxion artillery guided by God? It is really starting to look like it, especially after this game. This looked to be an interesting one, with Richie Ashburn leading off the game with a double and then stealing third. Yet with nobody out, Runelvys Hernandez managed to get out of the jam unscathed. His opponent Omar Daal had a similar first inning, with Carl Crawford leading off with a walk, and then being thrown out trying to run to third on a Juan Pierre single. So it went through the early innings, with both teams threatening, but neither side capitalizing. That is, until Edgar Martinez popped an RBI double in the fourth that brought home Benjie "Don't Make Fun of My Speed" Molina, putting the Bombers on the board first. Other than that, Hernandez was as solid as always and didn't surrender any other runs. His seven innings of effort were good enough to secure his league leading fifth quality start of the year. As for Omar Daal, this clearly was his best start of the year and shut out the potent Z-Slayer offense through six quality innings. He came out to pitch the seventh, but immediately surrendered a solo homerun to MVP candidate Ralph Kiner, which tied the game 1-1. This seemed to rattle Daal's cage, as he walked the next two batters. With nobody out and two men on, the Bombers went to the bullpen and brought in reliever Shigetoshi Hasegawa. Hasegawa struck out catcher Jason Larue and then got Carl Crawford to ground out into a double play, with some help from an amazing play by Bombers second baseman Jeff Kent. With the game tied at 1-1, both teams went to the bullpen. Z-Slayer long reliever Ricardo Rincon took the mound in the top of the ninth, where he ran into some trouble. With a runner on second two outs, Rincon intentionally walked Richie Ashburn in order to face Corey Koskie. But Koskie also walked and brought Edgar Martinez to the plate, who managed to single in the go ahead run and give the Bombers a 2-1 lead. Rincon struck out the next batter to stop the bleeding there. In the bottom of the ninth, the Bombers brought in closer Mariano Rivera, who intentionally walked Ralph Kiner to start the inning. This gamble paid off, as the next batter grounded out into the double play. Rivera then struck out the next batter with his signature cutter fastball to end the game and finish off the amazing and improbable win for the Bombers. Who would have thought that it would be the Maxions to break the Z-Slayers record win streak? And a record it shall be, but one shared with the Spartans. With almost every other Pee Wee League team losing this round, the Bombers suddenly find themselves only one game out of a playoff spot and only two (or three) games out of first place.
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TYC - 1   LIN - 3   F
W - Schoenweiss (2-2)   L - Wood (0-1)   S - Nen (3)
LIN: Schoenweiss: 6 IP, ER, QS (4)
TYC: Wood: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (2)
LIN: Stewart: 3-3, 2 BB, RBI (6)
LIN: Mientkiewicz: 1-4, RBI (6)
TYC: Ja. Giambi: 2-4, 2B, HR (3), RBI (8)

Both teams came into this game in the thick of a playoff battle, and both teams could really use a win here. Former Darkpaw Kerry Wood made his second start as a Tycoon, and definitely looked shaky early on. A real nasty jam in the second inning only resulted in one run for the JELLY QUEEN, thanks to a big double play as well as an excellent throw from right fielder Ryan Freel to throw out Shannon Stewart trying to score from second. Wood settled down after that, but still surrendered another run in the fifth and was tagged with another run for a man that he left on base in the eighth. As for the JELLY QUEEN, Scott Schoenweiss was a little better but was by no means dominant himself and got help at a few points from his defense. The Tycoons managed to score only once off of him, and that came in the form of a Jason Giambi solo shot in the sixth. Despite a lead off double in the eighth, the Tycoons could not bring any runs home. They had another golden opportunity in the ninth, there Lindsyan closer Robb Nen started off the inning by walking the first two batters he faced. But Nen recovered, and ended the inning without giving up any runs. Game Two of the series is sure to be interesting, as both teams are rapidly approaching do-or-die territory.
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BOB - 7   RED - 3   F
W - Halladay (4-0)   L - Fogg (1-1)
BOB: Halladay: CG (4), 3 ER, QS (4)
RED: Fogg: 6 IP, 7 ER
BOB: Lowell: 3-5, HR (3), 2B, 3 RBI (10)
BOB: Aparicio: 1-4, 2 SB (21 - breaks season record), RBI (5)
RED: Tejada: 3-4, 2 2B, BB, RBI (14)

Finally, we arrived to the matchup that Spartan GM Ronde Barber said that he was most looking forward to. The Red Clay offense seemed to do a bit better than their peers against Cy Young contender Roy Halladay, who worked in and out of trouble throughout the early innings. The Aces scored first thanks to a Keith Ginter solo shot, with the Bobian response coming immediately in the form of a Mike Lowell solo blast of his own. Halladay surrendered another run in the fifth, but managed to get out of several jams unscathed. His counterpart Josh Fogg had a similar performance, but was victimized by a Luis Aparicio special in which the speedy shortstop knocked in a run and then rounded the bases thanks to two stolen bases and an RBI single from Travis Hafner. Those two stolen bases, by the way, put Aparicio as the sole record holder for most stolen bases in a season. Josh Fogg was severely burned by a meltdown in the seventh inning, which was kicked off by a bases loaded double off the bat of Mike Lowell, snagging his ninth and tenth RBI's of the year. After a very slow start to the season, Lowell has really turned it around down the stretch, posting an astounding eight RBIs in the last four games. After Lowell's big hit, the end of the Bobian lineup rallied for another two runs. The Aces however didn't go down without putting together an opportunity to win it. In the bottom of the ninth, Roy Halladay worked himself into a bases loaded jam with only one out. With the tying run at the plate and a seventeen quality start streak on the line, Coach Maddux left all his relievers inactive and left the fate of the game squarely in the hands of Halladay. Halladay first struck out Keith Ginter, who had homered earlier in the contest, and then got out the Aces ninth hitter, Jose Cruz, on a harmless ground ball to second. Although not his best performance of the year, Halladay earned his fourth win of the season, all of which were quality starts and complete games. With this win, the Spartans move into sole possession of first place of Division 1. With this loss, Division 2 once again has no team with a record above .500.

League News Roundup 15 AUG 2017

That was Fast...TEN Coach Rex Loudsnore Suspended for Remainder of Regular Season
Following a very tough loss to the Alyxian Darkpaws, the league commissioner announced that Tenbil Town Green Sox head coach Rex Loudsnore would be suspended for the remainder of the regular season. The suspension was handed down after the Green Sox coach spit tobacco juice on the umpire's shoes after being ejected in the ninth inning in his first career game as a head coach. The commissioner clarified, however, that Loudsnore could rejoin the team for the postseason, if the Green Sox end up qualifying. In addition to the tobacco juice episode, Loudsnore was loudly criticized for several decisions that he made during the game, including calling for a failed stolen base from Willie Harris as well as keeping starter Kaz Ishii in the game deep into the seventh inning. General Manager Emerick Jones had the following to say after the suspension was announced: "Certainly in'fortunate, but all the same I res'peck the commissioner's decision. In the mean time Rock Hot Jim Houston will take over head coaching duties; this loss is cert'inly not the way I wanted to start my tenure heah', and it stings doubly with the loss of Rex."

Eyes on the Prize...BOB and ZSY Clinch Playoff Berths To Zero Fanfare
With successful sweeps in Series 9, both the Spartans of Bobia and the Tuldaria Z-Slayers guaranteed their respective spots in the playoffs. Both teams, however, seem entirely focused on winning the division that neither team celebrated the milestone. Both teams are having their best years in franchise history and both are currently on track to finish the season with the highest winning percentage in league history. The big question, and what most of the league is looking forward to, are the teams matchup in Series 12. As this is the last of the season, the fate of the Division 1 first round playoff bye will most likely hang in the balance then. As John Kruk astutely observed earlier this week, no Division Champion has ever even made the final round of the playoffs, let alone won a league championship. Although with how good the Spartans and Z-Slayers have been, that certainly looks like it may change this year.

War of Words...Richie Ashburn Calls for a Bomber Win
"We are the end of the line for this Z-Slayer winning streak," said a highly confident Richie Ashburn in an interview this week, "There isn't anything that can stop us right now. We're moving with full steam ahead." Ashburn went on to say that the Bombers were not just playing to make the playoffs but to win the division. "When you look at the standings, we are still in it. We are currently three games back of the Aces. If we can pick up two games over them over the next two series, that's all we need. Our last series of the year is with the Aces, so two wins there would put us in first." These comments prompted a reply from Z-Slayers General Manager Lord Sinister, who said that not only did the Bombers not stand a chance to win their division, they didn't even stand a chance to win their next game. "Look at this team, they're just pathetic. The only reason that these people are still relevant is because they're classic Pee Wee Leaguers. Nobody even wants to be their manager, for chrissakes!" He also called Ashburn "delusional" and a "second-rate" outfielder, while also saying that the Bombers were about to get a lesson from a "real" first place team.

Series 10: Part 1

MMD - 5   MEL - 0   F
W - Schilling (4-1)   L - Beckett (1-3)
MMD: Schilling: CG (1), 0 ER, QS (4)
MEL: Beckett: 7 IP, 5 ER
MMD: Chavez: 1-5, HR (6), RBI (11)
MMD: Zaun: 1-3, 2 BB, RBI (14)
MMD: Tejada: 2-4. RBI (7)

With a five game losing streak, there is perhaps no better person to turn to than MMD starter Curt Schilling, who is one of the leading contenders in the Cy Young award discussion. He took to the mound in this one and delivered one of his best starts of the year, clearly miffed a bit after his previous performance against the Spartans. Throughout the course of the entire evening, the Marauder bats were helpless against Schilling, who cruised through the early and middle innings. The Marauder starter, Josh Beckett, also was pitching quite well until he had a bit of a breakdown in the fifth. Eric Chavez kicked things off with a solo homerun, his sixth of the year which leads all MMD hitters and ties him for second place in the league. After Chavez followed a series of seven walks and singles, punctured only once by a strike out. Eventually Eric Chavez himself came to bat again in the same inning with the bases loaded. He grounded out into a double play to end the inning, but by then the damage had been done, as MMD had run up the score to 5-0. That was really more than enough for Schilling, who went the distance, completing the game and shutting out Dr. Vindaloo entirely. This was a much needed win for Meow Meow Dui, who finally snap a five game losing streak and give them a little breathing room from the three teams chasing them for a playoff spot. As for the Marauders, they are approaching do or die territory. Game 2 won't be any easier for them when MMD sends Kenny Rodgers to the mound, who has had quite a good season thus far.
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STL - 3   QEY - 6   F
W - Wickman (2-0)   L - Springer (1-2)
QEY: Rodgers: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
STL: Oliver: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
QEY: Alfonzo: 1-3, BB, GW 2B, 2 RBI (9)
QEY: Burks: 1-4, BB, HR (6), 2 RBI (18)
STL: Walker: 2-3, 2 BB, HR (5), 2 RBI (14)

The reeling Cardinals scored first with Ray Lankford popping his first home run of the season, a solo shot in the second. Queynos starter Kenny Rodgers settled down after that and pitched decently until the middle innings. His offense backed him up with some run support, with centerfielder Ellis Burks crushing his sixth homerun of the year, as well as tacking on another RBI single during a Warriors two run rally in the fifth. However, the run support was squandered almost immediately; in the top of the sixth, Larry "Weapon of Mass Destruction" Walker awoke from his slumber and tied the game up with his fifth homerun of the year. Both starters put in seven quality innings, allowing three runs a piece before turning things over their respective bullpens. Bob Wickman pitched a scoreless eighth for the Warriors; Cardinals reliever Russ Springer ran into some trouble. With two outs and a man on first, he surrendered a double to Sean Casey, bringing the go ahead run to third base. Third baseman and very clutch hitter Edgardo Alfonzo stepped to the plate and delivered with a 2 RBI double. Catcher Michael Barrett followed with a double of his own to bring the score to 6-3 before the ecstatic Queynos crowd. Bob Wickman completed his second inning of work in the top of the ninth to earn the Warrior's 8th win of the year. As for the Cardinals, this represents their third straight loss, awful timing for a team in a desperate playoff push. Although they are only one game out of third place, they are also only one game up on the last place team.
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AXN - 8   TEN - 7   F
W - Nunez (1-1)   L - Ishii (1-3)   S - Kolb (6)
AXN: Zito: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
TEN: Ishii: 7 IP, 6 ER
AXN: Griffey Jr. 04: 1-4, GS (1), 4 RBI (6)
TEN: Ortiz: 3-4, 2 HR (8), 2B, 4 RBI (19)
AXN: Blalock: 3-4, 2B, Sac Fly, RBI (9)

You could tell that this was going to be a wild one from the get-go. Tenbil Town kicked things off by loading the bases in the bottom of the first, and then having David Ortiz smash a 2 RBI double. Darkpaw starter Barry Zito managed to get out of the inning without bleeding further, but gave up another run in the second off of an Edgar Martinez Jr. double. Tenbil Town starter Kaz Ishii also didn't look his best, as he was working in and out of trouble for most of the night. He surrendered a two run rally in the third, but otherwise managed to keep the Darkpaws off the board, with many thanks given to the Tenbil Town defense that stepped up in this one in a major way. They had the notable achievement of turning a triple play in the top of the sixth. However Kaz Ishii ran into a bit of trouble in the seventh. With two outs and the bases loaded, Green Sox coach Rex Loudsnore clearly was conflicted about going to the bullpen. He made a visit to the mound in which there seemed to be an animated discussion, but went back to the dugout without pulling Ishii from the game. What a fatal mistake; the next batter was Ken Griffey Jr. 04 (not the Super Season edition that most know) who crushed Ishii's changeup over the centerfield wall for a grand slam. The Darkpaws offense flexed their muscles again in the eighth with a Luis Rivas triple, and a subsequent Mike Cameron single to make the score 7-3. But the Green Sox weren't about to take this lying down. In the bottom of the eighth they struck with two homeruns, a two run shot from Magglio Ordonez and a solo homerun from David Ortiz. In the top of the ninth, Darkpaws second baseman Luis Rivas led off with another big hit, a lead off double. Ken Griffey Jr. then hit a sacrifice fly that moved the speedy Rivas to third. Hank Blalock then stepped up to the plate and hit a deep fly ball to right field, which was caught by J.D. Drew. Rivas tagged again and ran for his life towards home. The throw came into home and there was a collision at the plate; the umpire shouted "SAFE!" which instantly brought on a torrent of boos from the Tenbil Town crowd. Coach Rex Loudsnore immediately came out of the dug out and things got nasty right away, with Loudsnore shouting in the umps face. Eventually the umpire ejected him, to which Loudsnore responded by spitting tobacco juice on the umpire's shoes. Video replay afterward showed that Rivas was clearly safe, as catcher Brent Mayne was unable to physically apply the tag. The Darkpaws brought in league saves leader Danny Kolb to protect the 8-6 lead in the bottom of the ninth. David Ortiz hit his second homerun of the night, but alas for the Green Sox it was only a solo shot. Kolb was able to otherwise protect the lead and secure his team's third straight win as well as his sixth save. Take this game as yet another bizarre example of the dominance of Division 1 over the Pee Wee League. Although the Darkpaws are 0-7 against other Division 1 teams this year, they are a very respectable 7-4 against Pee Wee League opponents.

The Kruk Bucket, Episode 8: Have Another Dawg Brah

JK: Welcome to Episode Eight of the Kruk Bucket; I'm your host John Kruk. Today I'm joined by special guest Emerick Jones, newly appointed general manager of the Tenbil Town Green Sox. Mr. Jones, we're really happy to have you here today for a couple of reasons: firstly, you are the talk of the league right now, entering smack dab into the middle of the battle for the playoffs. And a week ago, almost nobody knew your name. Another reason why I'm happy you are here is that I still have some leftover hot dogs from last episode and wanted to share some. Here, take a few.

EJ: Well thank yeh' kindly, Mr. Kruk. The pleasure is all mine.

JK: And I have to say...that is one awesome bolo tie that you have there. But to get to the actual interview, a lot of people are wondering why you're joining the Green Sox now.

EJ: Well Mr. Kruk, my granpappy had a sayin' of his. You strike when that iron is a' hot. Or said in simple language, you take a good opportunity when yeh' see 'un. After this latest series 'gainst the JELLY QUEEN, I was convinced by mah lucky stars that this team is standing on the doorstep of a Golden Opportunity, if there ever was one. They've got the most momentum right now out of any team in Division Two, and this part of the season is a' good as any to be playing yer best.

JK: Hard to disagree with that. You know, this team really has come a long way. At certain points in the season, you could just feel that this team was completely demoralized. But the bullpen seems to have improved and the offense is now cooking like an industrial sized deep fryer. What do you think has changed since the rather awful start? Here, have another hot dog, sir.

EJ: Thank yeh' kindly. Well, I think some of the recent roster moves have been a big help. Allow me to point out two of them. Firstly, Edgar Martinez Jr has been an excellent addition and I think has met and even exceeded expectations for the team. As you might imagine, he was brought in to be a run scorer, but has four RBIs in four games. That's certainly a bonus. The other thing that helped was bringing in catcher Brent Mayne, who's definitely more defensive oriented. No dis'repec' to Jorge Posada, but with only +5 catcher Posada is much more useful for our team at the Designated Hitter position.

JK: For sure. And it kind of boggles the mind to think about all the offensive weapons the team has aside from Martinez and Posada. There's J.D. Drew, Magglio Ordonez, David Ortiz...it really is a good looking lineup when things are working.

EJ: Tha's right, Mr. Kruk. And its a'workin' now. Why duh you think I jumped on this bandwagon? *smiles*

JK: Some might say you're jumping in when things are the easiest. The remaining schedule is AXN, TYC, MEL. Another hot dog for you, sir.

EJ: Thank yeh' kindly. Tha's right. All winnable games. No dis'respec' to ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER, the Ghost of Mao, or Doc Vinjahpoo, they all are fine gen'ral man'gers. But the Tenbil Town Green Sox are one of the only teams at this point of the season that control their own destiny. All we need'a do is win, and then we're in. Like I said a'fore, we can catch that there light'nin' in a bottle and then we just steamroll right over the Pee Wee League. We don' need worry about none a dem high falutin Division One teams until the Championship...an' well I can't talk no big words 'gainst those teams now, so I'll just say that the Green Sox are former champs. We know how the make things happen. They won the champ'in'ship in Season Three.

JK: Very true. So just a last question for you Mr. Jones. Not only are you an unknown commodity, but nobody really knows who any of your new coaches are . Who are they exactly?

EJ: Coupla' frien's o mine. We all go-a way back. Used to have a ball club of our own back in Texas, call ourselves The Good 'Ol Boys. Won a lotta games back in those days. Good times. Plannin' on bringin'em back here to Tenbil Town. Now if you'll excuse me, Mr. Kruk, it appears that my glass of Wild Turkey here is emm'ty. I thank you fer the interview an look forward to the rest of your commen'try in this episode.

JK: Thank you very much for stopping by and thanks for the insight. Your team is definitely one of the more interesting ones to follow here in the last five games. This week I'll be covering the QEY-STL series, but maybe we'll get a chance to meet the series after when you take on the Tycoons. Anyways folks, because of the interview, we are almost out of time...so lets go through my power rankings, lightning round style!

1. BOB (0) There's a lot of talk about the real championship being in round two of the playoffs. I say not so fast, but you do know that good pitching usually beats good hitting. The Spartans four starters are all All-Star material, so I simply don't see anyone stopping them anytime soon.

2. ZSY (0) Nine straight wins ties a league record. They will try to break the record this week against the Bombers. By the way, they outscored the Red Clay Aces 25-14 last series. Yikes.

3. RED (0) The team showed some heart last week against the Z-Slayers, but wow do they look totally unprepared for the playoffs. Just to get an idea of how precarious they are, they could very well end up sitting in third place of Division 2 by the end of next series.

4. MMD (0) Got very lucky that the JELLY QUEEN unexpectedly got swept by the Green Sox, although the Warriors are still coming in hot and heavy and picked up a game against them. I'm not feeling great about this team now, but they should bounce back this week against the struggling Marauders. Desperate to break a woeful five game losing streak.

5. TEN (+5) The interview above more or less explains it. They have a good schedule down the stretch and are one of the hottest teams in the league right now. But caution; a false move against the Darkpaws will take the wind out of their sails faster than butter melts on toast.

6. QEY (+1) The reigning Division 1 Champs are on the march, and by golly I'm rooting for them. They're much better than their record shows and they have a very doable remaining schedule: STL, AXN, LIN. If anyone deserves that third playoff spot in Division 1, I think it's the Warriors.

7. STL (-1) There were a number of recent disappointments across the league, but none stung more than the Cardinals sweep at the hands of the lowly Darkpaws. Those were games that the Cardinals needed to win, and they simply choked. Now they will probably need to play better than .500 ball to make the playoffs.

8. TYC (0) Despite Mao adding a song about a cult, nothing has changed with this team, so I'm not changing my views. They still could sneak into the playoffs and actually make it far given the weakness of the Pee Wee League. But I don't see much potential for a three-peat. With the Green Sox hungry and the Cardinals pissed off, they're gonna have to work hard either way. Thanks for the hot dogs, by the way, you little punks.

9. LIN (-4) Does this team suffer from a Krukkie Curse? Every time I say good things about them, they fall apart. Since I won't this episode, does that mean that they will finally perform against  the Tycoons? They better if they want to stay in the playoff picture.

10. AXN (+2) The Darkpaws played their best baseball of the season this last series against the Cardinals. Too little, too late? Well scarily enough, don't look now but they are only three games out of a playoff spot! Unlikely, but still somehow alive. At this point the most interesting thing will be to see if AM sticks around as GM.

11. MAX (-1) Definitely an amazing effort pulling off the sweep of MMD, but it will be a true miracle if they can keep it going. Nobody is jealous of them facing off this week against the Z-Slayers and their nine game win streak. But who knows, they are only two games back of third place. Maxion artillery is guided by God?

MEL (-1) Sorry Doctor Vindaloo, that shipment of chicken tandoori you sent to my house was nice but it isn't going to change the facts. Your team is tied for last place in the Pee Wee league and your remaining schedule is one of the worst in the league (MMD, RED, TEN). All I can say is good luck!

Well that's all for this episode folks. Thanks again for tuning in. I'd like to thank my guest, as well as sponsors Hebrew National, Wild Turkey Whiskey, and Dr. Vindaloo. See you at the end of Series 10!

End of Series 9: 3 Games, 3 Surprises

STL - 3   AXN - 7   F
W - Piniero (1-0)   L - Smith (0-3)
AXN: Piniero: CG (4), 3 ER, QS (2)
STL: Smith: 7 IP, 5 ER
AXN: Cameron: 2-4, 2 RBI (8)
AXN: Griffey Jr.: 2-4, 2B, RBI (8)
STL: Grudzielanek: 1-3, BB, HR (1), 3 RBI (6)

Two time Cy Young award winner Joel Piniero went to the mound in his first start as a member of the Darkpaws. Things did not get off to a great start for him, as he surrendered a three run homer to Cardinals second baseman Mark Grudzielanek in the second inning. But after that, Piniero settled down rather nicely and was dominant throughout the middle innings. His opponent, Bud Smith was solid through five, only surrendering one run in the third. But things collapsed for him in the sixth, where the Darkpaws went on a four run rally powered by the heart of the lineup. Indeed, there was something strange about seeing Ken Griffey Jr. pop an RBI double; that's his first RBI in three series. Mike Cameron followed up with another RBI single, his second of the game and eighth of the year. With a two run lead, that’s all that Piniero really seemed to need, as he continued to mow through the Cardinals batting order into the late innings. Cardinals reliever Jason Isringhausen 03 struggled in the eighth, giving up another two run rally to the Darkpaws, leading to the best offensive performance that the Alyxians have had all season. Combined with the strong performance from the former Cy Young winner, is there hope for the Darkpaws on the horizon? If not for this season, then the next one? With five games left in the season, all does not seem totally lost for them being three games back of third place. This loss completes the sweep and also breaks the Cardinals streak of splitting series. It really could not have come at a worse time for the Cardinals, who were clearly looking for two easy wins in this series and came up with goose egg. While the rest of their schedule is not overly intimidating, things will not get easier for them as the face off next week against a hungry Queynos Warriors team.
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MMD - 1   MAX - 2   F
W - Urbina (2-1)   L - Biddle (0-1)
MAX: Halladay: 8 IP, ER, QS (3)
MMD: Pavano: 8 IP, ER, QS (3)
MAX: Jeter: 1-4, GW RBI single (5)
MAX: Matsui: 1-4, HR(1), RBI (6)
MMD: Hatteberg: 2-4, RBI (7)

In this clash of first class pitchers, Meow Meow Dui drew first blood with first baseman Scott Hatteberg knocking in an RBI single in the top of the second. Following that, however, Bombers starter Roy Halladay settled down and twirled a gem of a game, dominating MMD through the eighth inning without ever getting into trouble. His counterpart, reigning Cy Young winner Carl Pavano actually did even better, only surrendering two hits throughout the first five innings. The third hit he surrendered came in the sixth, which unfortunately was a solo homerun to Hideki Matsui which tied the game at 1-1. After eight innings, both teams went to the bullpen and buckled down for extra innings. Ugueth Urbina made his seventh appearance of the year for the Bombers and pitched an uneventful top of the ninth. However MMD reliever Rocky Biddle had an inning that was…well…rocky. With two outs, Jeff Kent doubled and then moved to third on a Tony Clark single. That brought Derek Jeter to the plate, who hit a clutch, game winning single that completed the David vs. Goliath sweep for the Bombers, a result which surprised many. Much like the Cardinals sweep at the hands of the Darkpaws, MMD was perhaps too overconfident and blew an opportunity to pad their playoff position in third place. Instead, with five games left in the season, they now look at the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM just one game back, the Queynos Warriors two games back, and the lowly Darkpaws even just three and a half games back. They have a golden opportunity to snap their five game losing streak against Dr. Vindaloo’s struggling Marauders. As for the Bombers, are they mounting a serious playoff push? While this sweep is certainly impressive, it will still be a massive uphill battle as they have one of the worst remaining schedules in the league: ZSY, STL, RED. But what a story that would be if they could climb back into contention of the Pee Wee League and overcome a nine game losing streak from earlier in the season.
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RED - 7   ZSY - 10  F
W - Wells (5-0)   L - Buerhle (0-4)   S - Graves (5)
ZSY: Wells: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
RED: Buerhle: 1/3 IP, 7 ER
ZSY: Harvey: 3-6, 3 RBI (11)
ZSY: Wilson: 3-4, 2 3B (5), 2 RBI (14)
RED: Giambi: 2-5, HR (5), 2B, 2 RBI (12)

Mark Buerhle has been having a bad season, but it got a whole lot worse yesterday after he put up the worst start of the entire season thus far. Before he could even get two outs, the Z-Slayers had already pounded him for seven runs, all of which without the help of a homerun. The big hits came from Jack Wilson, 2 RBI triple and Carl Crawford with a bases loaded double. Buerhle's short performance was taken over by reliever Shingo Takatsu, who couldn't stop the bleeding, allowing two runs to score in the second and then another in the third. The Aces managed to squeeze a run out of Z-Slayers ace Kip Wells in the third, leaving the score after three innings an absurd 10-1. Things settled down in the middle innings, where Takatsu managed to continue unscathed into the fifth, while Wells continued the best season of his career with a scoreless performance until he surrendered a two run homer to Keith Ginter in the sixth. Danny Patterson came in to relieve Wells in the seventh, but only narrowly worked out of trouble. Patterson returned in the eighth and again almost got horribly burned, but managed to escape with giving up only one run. Meanwhile the Red Clay bullpen had managed to keep the Z-Slayers from expanding their lead, thanks to a few clutch double plays, one of which got Red Clay reliever Mike Myers out of a bases loaded jam. With a 10-4 lead, Lord Sith handed the game over to reliever Oscar Villareal to finish the game. But Villareal quickly surrendered a two run rally and left the bases loaded with only one out. With the tying run stepping up to the plate in the form of home run prone Paul Konerko, Lord Sith pulled Villareal and brought in closer Danny Graves to try and save the day. Konerko worked graves to a full count before the umpire called ball four on a very close pitch from Graves. This walked in a run and brought the score to 10-7, with the leading run stepping to the plate in the form of hot hitting second baseman Alfonso Soriano. The free swinging Soriano, who already had two doubles in the game, smashed Graves fastball all the way to deep centerfield, but not far enough to avoid a fly ball out. Because of less than stellar speed on the base pads, no tagging was possible. That next brought up Jason Giambi who had homered earlier in the game. Despite having control of the roll, Giambi wiffed three times, entirely fooled by Graves changeup. Another huge win for the Z-Slayers, who now make it nine straight. As for the Aces, they fall to an embarrassing 9-8 record, which still miraculously keeps them at number one in the Pee Wee league, as well as two games ahead of the second place team. Things certainly do not look easier next week against the Spartans.

League News Roundup 7 AUG 2017

Emerick Jones named as new Tenbil Town GM; Names Coaching Staff
A man by the name of Emerick Jones has been named general manager of the Tenbil Town Green Sox effective immediately. There is not much public information about Jones, but there has been some talk about him having links to organized crime, which the Tenbil Town organization dismissed on the grounds that “that accusation has been levelled against nearly every new GM so far this season.” There was no press conference to announce Jones but instead the team released a quickly written letter announcing the following personnel changes: Rex Loudsnore will take on duties of head coach; Rock Hot Jim Houston will be hitting coach; Texas Bathroom Bill will assume the duties of pitching coach. Jones will be a featured guest on the next episode of “The Kruk Bucket.”

Mao’s Tycoons Adopts “Cult of Personality” as Official Theme Song
In a league announcement, Tycoons GM the Ghost of Mao announced that his team will adopt the song “Cult of Personality” as official theme song. Mao announced that this move came on the heels of a decision not to make any further trades before the trade deadline at the end of the season, and was implemented to provide some kind of morale boost to a team that is fighting to avoid missing the playoffs for the first time in franchise history. Mao also voiced his opposition to creating a “super division” next season and instead said that the better solution would be to change the teams around in each respective division.

Repairs on Z-Slayers Park Expected to Finish on Time
Z-Slayers Park is expected to re-open as scheduled for Game 1 of series 11. The project, which has cost millions of dollars, was made possible by GM Lord Sinister contributing a large portion of that from his own personal funds. The repairs, which were necessitated by the explosion of a dormant Zachrian bomb, nearly bankrupted the organization earlier this year. In the meantime, the Z-Slayers have been playing their home games at the field used by Tuldaria High School; since the field is known as a hitters field, the team has unsurprisingly been dominant since moving there, and are currently on an eight game winning streak. Lord Sinister announced that there will be a ribbon cutting ceremony before the game to inaugurate the stadium, which Sinister said “would be the biggest and best stadium in the entire league. When asked if head coach Lord Sith would finally make another public appearance, Sinister immediately responded that he wouldn’t due to “foreseen circumstances.”

Series 9 Part 3

QEY - 4   TYC - 1
W - Mulder (3-1)   L - Johnson (1-3)   S - Spooneybarger (2)
QEY: Mulder: 8 1/3 IP, ER, 4 H, QS (4)
TYC: Johnson: 7 IP, 4 ER
QEY: Burks: 2-4, HR (4), 3B (2), 3 RBI (16)
QEY: Catalanotto: 1-4, 2B, RBI
QEY: Spooneybarger: 2/3 IP, 0 H, 0 BB, S (2)

Queynos wasted no time in this one, kicking off the game by rallying for two runs in the first inning, thanks to an RBI triple by Ellis Burks and the subsequent single from Frank Catalanotto that brought Burks home. Tycoons starter Randy Johnson settled down after that, however it seemed that the Warriors were able to get runners in scoring position for most of the remaining innings. On the other side of things, Warriors Ace Mark Mulder pitched one of the best games of his career. He surrendered a double in the first but then was perfect for the next 19 batters until he walked Tycoons catcher Joe Mauer in the eighth. Going back to Johnson, he had managed to keep the Warriors from scoring again until Ellis Burks struck again with a two run shot in the seventh, brining the score to 4-0. At that point it just remained to be seen if Mulder could complete the game and earn a notable achievement. Unfortunately that was not to be, as he surrendered three hits in the bottom of the ninth, the last resulting in a Jeremy Giambi RBI single. With the tying run now at the plate, Queynos coach Kalaby Jaby made a call to the bullpen and brought reliever Tim Spooneybarger into the game. Spooneybarger, as usual, was dominant, securing two quick outs to end the game and earn the save. This win bolsters the Warriors playoff hopes; they are now three and a half games out of third place and have five game left in the season. As for the Tycoons, this is just more Pee Wee League antics, as this loss leaves the Red Clay Aces as the only Division 2 team at or above .500.
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BOB - 2   MEL - 0
W - Seaver (2-1)   L - Moyer (1-2)
BOB: Seaver: CG (2), 0 ER, 4 H, QS (3)
MEL: Moyer: 7 IP, 2 ER, QS (3)
BOB: Aparicio: 1-4, R, 2 SB (19)
BOB: Martinez: 1-4, HR (2), RBI (9)
BOB: Hafner: 2-3, 2B, BB, RBI (8)

The Spartans got some run support early, thanks to smart base running from Ichiro Suzuki and a clutch double from the reliable Travis Hafner. After that, both Aces settled down and started an old fashioned pitchers duel. Long time Marauder Maime Joyer pitched quite well through seven innings, the only other wound coming from an Edgar Martinez solo homerun. Moyer also pitched into quite a jam in the third inning, but made the wise decision to intentionally walk Hafner to pitch to Mike Lowell, whom he got to ground out to end the inning. Although Moyer gave an entirely satisfactory performance, he was outdone by Bobian starter Tom Seaver, who was nearly unhittable throughout the entire game, racking up 16 strikeouts, which is enough to lead the team. Throughout the game, the Marauders only had four total hits and runners reached scoring position only twice. With this notable performance, Seaver pushed the case to be mentioned in All Star Team discussions. After this classic Bobian win, the Spartans next travel to Red Clay for yet another Pee Wee League matchup. As for Dr. Vindaloo, he recently announced a great project to power wash the giant Shiva Natarajah Statue in Melmegetia Municipal Stadium since it hasn't been fired up in such a long time. The franchise is reportedly low on funds due to massive orders of Indian take out, but has implemented a cost savings program to fund the power washing. The team bus has reportedly been sold, so many of the Marauders will be car pooling or walking to their next matchup, which will be a tough one against Meow Meow Dui.
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LIN - 3   TEN - 8   F
W - Shuey (1-1)   L - Karsay (2-3)
TEN: Beckett: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS (4)
LIN: Beckett: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS (3)
TEN: Martinez Jr.: 2-4, HR(1), 3 RBI (4)
TEN: Shuey, 2 IP, 0 ER
LIN: Ramirez: 2-4, RBI (13)

An interesting matchup of Josh Beckett versus Josh Beckett. At first it seemed like the Tenbil Town Beckett was off to a better start; the Lindsyan pitcher struggled early, working into trouble in each of the first three innings. The Green Sox offense was able to capitalize in the second inning, putting together a two run rally with big hits from newest additions Jeffrey Hammonds and Edgar Martinez Jr. But then the roles reversed; Lindsyan Beckett settled down and pitched well until the sixth and the Tenbil Town Beckett had issues in the fourth and fifth, surrendering a run in each. So at the end of six innings, both Becketts had the same exact STATS: 6 IP, 2 ER. Both coaches felt contented with that and opted to turn the game into a battle of bullpens. This brought Lindsyan reliever Steve Karsay into the game for his league leading 8th appearance of the season. However, the normally very solid Karsay had his worst game of the season. He immediately surrendered a two run homer to Edgar Martinez Jr. in the seventh, putting his team at a 4-2 deficit. To add insult to injury, he had a complete meltdown in the eighth, allowing a four run rally in which he surrendered five consecutive singles at one point. After Tenbil Town reliever Paul Shuey had pitched two quality innings, he turned the game over to C.J. Nitkowski in the top of the ninth. The Lindsyans did manage to put together a rally, but it only amounted to a measly one run. With this win, Tenbil town completes the sweep and must be quite happy with the teams rejuvenated offensive performance; they've scored five or more runs for five straight games now. With one of the better remaining schedules of Pee Wee League teams, this sweep of the Lindsyans puts the team in excellent position to push for the playoffs here as the season winds down. As for the JELLY QUEEN, this is nothing other than a major setback. They are 1 and 1/2 games back from third place Meow Meow Dui and are rapidly approaching do or die territory. They, like many others, will be very much rooting for the Bombers to complete the sweep of MMD.