Start of Series 9

TYC - 4   QEY - 2
W - Lopez (1-2)   L - Haynes (0-1)   S - Kolb (3)
TYC : Lopez: 7 IP, 2 ER, QS (2)
QEY: Haynes: 5 IP, 4 ER
TYC: McGriff: 3-3, HR (4), 3 RBI (14), 2B, BB, 2 R
QEY: Burks: 1-4, HR (3), RBI (13)
TYC: Kolb: 2 IP, 0 H, BB

The Tycoons found themselves in a desperate situation this week, heading into Queynos: knocked down to third place and with a bullpen that has been worked down to the bone. What's worse, fourth starter Albie Lopez is not known to pitch very many innings and tends to rack up a large pitch count early. He thankfully got some run support early, in the form of a three run blast off the bat of Fred McGriff, who has had a rather pitiful season despite having great STATS (4 HR, 14 RBI). Most of those homeruns and RBIs came in the first two series of the year; this is McGriff's most significant production since. The Warriors answered directly in the bottom of the second, scoring a run of their own thanks to always great base running by Frank Catalonotto and a clutch single by Edgardo Alfonzo. In the fifth inning, McGriff lead off with a double, and was later brought home by a Ryan Freel single, bringing the score to 4-1 in favor of the Tycoons. But with a very badly depleted bullpen, the Tycoons were still in a very precarious situation. Queynos centerfielder Ellis Burks hit a solo homerun in the sixth to bring the deficit to two. With an already very high pitch count, Lopez was sent out to pitch the seventh inning at the behest of the Ghost of Mao. The gamble paid off and Lopez cruised through the inning, giving some badly needed rest to the bullpen. Closer Danny Kolb made his third straight appearance, but certainly didn't look tired, going two very strong innings to close the game and earn his third save of the year. This win puts a little bit of wind back into the Tycoons sails as they snap a four game losing streak. For the Queynos Warriors, a shot at the playoffs seems dimmer and dimmer with each day. Truly a shame, since this team has played much better than their 6-10 record might indicate.
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MEL - 1   BOB - 7
W - Burkett (4-0)   L - Garcia (0-3)
BOB: Burkett: 6 IP, ER, QS (4)
MEL: Garcia: 6 IP, 7 ER
BOB: Lowell: 3-4, HR(2), 3 RBI (7), R
BOB: Ichiro: 1-3, 2 RBI (12), 2 BB
BOB: Fingers: 3 IP, 0 ER, 0 H, 0 BB, 3 K

Before a packed capacity crowd at "Dulcolax Stadium", the hometown Spartans took on a Marauder team that is in a death struggle to squeeze into the playoffs. John Burkett, the only Spartan starter to survive on the roster since opening day, in some ways has been the most consistent pitcher on the team. His performances have not been dominant nor lengthy, but he is currently one of only six players in the league to achieve four straight quality starts. In this game he did have to work out of trouble more than once, but was quite effective at handling the rather weak Marauder attack. He only faltered once when he surrendered a solo homerun in the second inning. His rival and former teammate Freddy Garcia did not fare so well against his own team, taking a beating of seven runs over six innings. Big hits came off the bat of Ichiro Suzuki (2 RBI single), Fredgar Martinez (RBI double), Marcus Giles (solo HR), and most importantly, a crushing three run blow from the hot hitting Mike Lowell. Lowell has five RBIs over his last two game and is arguably the hottest hitter in the league at the moment. After Burkett had dutifully put in six innings of good work, he turned the game over to Rollie Fingers who had another incredible performance, twirling three perfect innings. With pitching as good as the Spartans have, they must be feeling really excellent when their offense puts up seven runs; they've only allowed more than three runs once as a team all season. As for Vindaloo's Marauders, they too can feel their shot at the playoffs slipping away, especially with one of the most difficult remaining schedules in the league. But then again, anything seems possible in the Pee Wee League.
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AXN - 4   STL - 3   F
W - Maroth (1-0)   L - Ankiel (1-2)  S - Kolb (5)
AXN: Maroth: 6 IP, 0 ER, QS(2)
STL: Ankiel: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS(1)
AXN: Blalock: 3-4, HR(4), 2B, BB, 2 RBI (8)
STL: Renteria: 1-3, 2B, BB, 2 RBI (13)
AXN: Cameron: 1-4, BB, RBI(7)

The control 2 Mike Maroth surprised the showdown world again with his second consecutive strong performance. The Cardinals, inconsistent as always, looked pretty dull in the early innings and were mowed down with relative ease by Maroth. Their bats did seem to come alive as the game went on, more on that later. On the flip side, Cardinals fourth starter Rick Ankiel pitched well enough to earn his first quality start of the year; going six strong only giving up two runs. It seemed like Ankiel had most of the Darkpaw lineup figured out with the exception of third baseman Hank Blalock, who continues to be the only offensive player of note for the Darkpaws. Blalock took Ankiel deep for a solo shot in the second inning, and then struck again with an RBI double in the fourth. As stated earlier, the Cardinals offense got off to a slow start early but seemed to pick up some steam towards the end. In the sixth inning, the Darkpaws defense committed an error and plunked Maroth into quite a jam with runners on second and third with no outs. But thanks to three strikeouts (and an intentional walk to Larry Walker) he finished his performance without giving up any runs. But reliever Satoru Komiyama struggled in the eight, allowing Larry Walker 04 to put the Cardinals on the board with an RBI single. Cardinals reliever Jason Isringhausen struggled himself in the top of the ninth and allowed the Darkpaws to rally for another two runs. With the score at 4-1, the Darkpaws brought in closer Danny Kolb to end the game. By now the Cardinals offense had awoken, and quickly loaded the bases with one out. Edgar "I'd Like To Rent A Ria" Renteria stepped up to the plate and whacked a line drive down the third base line that brought home two runs. Those are Renteria's team leading twelfth and thirteenth RBIs on the season. But the heart of the Cardinals order could not bring home the tying run, with Kolb managing to fly out Larry Walker and ground out Larry Walker 04. A very bitter loss for the Cardinals who really should have considered this an easy win. But it almost seems like they are cursed to split every series they play in, whether it be against the lofty Spartans or the lowly Darkpaws. They will have a tremendous pressure next game to avoid a sweep at the hands of one of the worst teams in the league. As for the Darkpaws, this win simply might just keep ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER in his job for a little while longer. The other upside is that closer Danny Kolb now leads the league in saves. Although Kolb really hasn't pitched particularly well, the Darkpaws rarely dominate their opponents, leading to lots of save situations for the struggling bullpen.

The Kruk Bucket: Episode 7: HOT DOGS!

Welcome to Episode Seven of the Kruk Bucket; I’m your host John Kruk, also known affectionately as “Krukkie” to the staff of Bobby’s Burger Palace. You might have noticed this delicious, half eaten hot dog that I got here. If you’re wondering why, you might remember of an incident I spoke of during my last Kruk Bucket in which several mischievous Tycoons fans thought it might be funny to humiliate me by publicly offering me hot dogs everywhere I went. Although I might have acted a little angrily at first, this boy doesn’t see an ounce of shame in enjoying a good hot dog (as long as you got the relish to go along with it). So in a show of defiance to that, worldwide fans of the Kruk Bucket have been sending me hotdogs through the mail.  This one here comes to us all the way from Lithuania, sent in by a fellow who would like to be kept anonymous. Thanks for all your support, folks, and just know that you’re the greatest fan that a baseball analyst could hope for!


Today’s episode will be a little different. I will give my power rankings as usual, but I will just be giving a quick run-down of each team’s man strength, weakness, and X-factor as we enter playoff push territory towards the end of the season.

1. BOB (0)

Strength: The starting Pitching. David Cone’s staff is on a 15 game quality start streak and have been simply dominant. I’m ready to say it's the best starting rotation that the league has ever seen.

Weakness: The offense, generally speaking. No one has really stepped up to lead it. Ichiro started hot, but has noticeably cooled. For Koresh sake, Giles in 2nd in the team with 8 RBIs!

X-Factor: I’m gonna say Luis Aparicio for the Spartans. Not because he’s gonna set a league record for stolen bases, but because he is exactly the kind of player that you need to manufacture runs. With pitching as dominant as the Spartans have, every run that Aparicio can squeeze out is going to have big consequences.

2. ZSY (0)

Strength: The three players Albert Pujols, Jack Wilson, and Ralph Kiner have a combined 47 RBIs. To put that in perspective, the entire Darkpaws team only has 35 so far this season.

Weakness: Paradoxically the offense. They only scored 4 runs last series, even though the pitching bailed them out to achieve the sweep. It’s feast or famine with these guys, and it's a bit too streaky for comfort.

X-Factor: Their first three starters: Wells, Hernandez and Day, who are all having career years and performing WAY above their potential. As long as they can keep that up, this team will be close to Number 1.

3. RED (+1)

Strength: Threats up and down the lineup, leading to a very strong but balanced attack. Six batters have at least 2 homeruns

Weakness: Part of the thing holding them back from absolutely dominating the Pee Wee League is their clear lack of an ace. Mark Buerhle is clearly not getting it down, with a record of 0-3 and no quality starts.

X-Factor: Bullpen. I see 10 quality starts from other 3 starters and none of them with any losses. That tells me that a lot of their games are decided in the late innings. We’ll see how they recover after their 30 inning series against the Tycoons.

4. MMD (-1)

Strength: Pitching in general. Although Cy Young winner Carl Pavano hasn’t exactly matched his previous year’s performance, both the starting rotation and bullpen have been quite solid.

Weakness: The offense is being carried entirely on the backs of catcher Gregg Zaun and outfielder Eric Chavez. They are the only two players on the roster with more than 6 RBIs.

X-factor: The top of the order really needs to be getting on base more. Zaun and Chavez consistently get the big hits, but there just never seem to be runners in scoring position to cash in on.

5. LIN (+1)

Strength: Bullpen. Jesse Orosco and Steve Karsay have been unhittable. I think they are both strong candidates for the All-Star Team. Closer Robb Nen hasn’t been too shabby either.

Weakness: JELLY QUEEN pitchers seem to have some kind of curse on them, in which they are subject to “hell innings.” This is where they are pitching very well, and then have one inning where they breakdown and give up a big rally.

X-Factor: Manny Ramirez. At times, he really looks like MVP material. Not only does he get the big hits, but he really does a good job of moving runners and manufacturing runs. When him and Rondell White are hot, this is a very potent offense.

6. STL (+1)

Strength: Inconsistent in a consistent way, as they’ve split every series but one this year. Continuing this will get them into the playoffs for sure.

Weakness: Aside from Renteria, Cepeda, and Walker, the offense is weak, especially so in the middle of the lineup. Aside from the players mentioned, no other with more than 5 RBIs.

X-Factor: Defense. With three golden gloves in the infield, I can definitely see that being the edge for this team to pull out wins in close games.

7. QEY (-2)

Strength: Dynamic offense that moves runners. They lead the league in extra bases and moving runners with sacrifice flies. Outfielder Frank Catalonotto is one of the best examples of this; he gets on base A LOT and rarely gets stranded at first.

Weakness: This team would definitely have another chance at winning the division if it wasn’t for the abysmal performance of their bullpen. They’ve taken 4 losses, only the Darkpaws are worse in that regard.

X-Factor: Tim Spooneybarger. While the rest of the bullpen has been horrible, Spooneybarger has been nothing short of dominant. Look for Coach Jaby to rely on him very heavily as they make a final charge towards the playoffs.

8. TYC (0)

Strength: Like most years, their bullpen has been one of the best. The problem is, most their games this year have been decided in the early and mid-innings.

Weakness: I gave these Tycoons their due. But this team’s offensive performance has been shameful. Shutout 4 of the last 8 games!

X-Factor: You know, I see a lot of parallels with the Darkpaws. Both teams are over-relying on a former MVP. While there is little that Ken Griffey Jr. can do at this point to make a difference, reigning MVP Jeremy Giambi still could do a lot to help his team finish the season strong. He had 34 RBIs last season compared to only 8 RBI so far this year.

9. TEN (0)

Strength: This team is the master of the long ball. They hit a lot of homeruns. David Ortiz, J.D. Drew, Jorge Posada, and Magglio Ordonez are all deadly threats in each and every at bat.

Weakness: Most of their homers are solo homeruns. On base performance has been pitiful; they really could be scoring a lot more runs if they simply had men positioned on base for the big hits.

X-Factor: Edgar Martinez Jr. was brought in specifically to remedy this weakness. He’s been quite in his league debut, but can really have a big impact down the stretch if he gets hot. He is a natural fit for this team.

10. MAX (+1)

Strength: Although this team sits at the bottom of the Pee Wee League, they have a rather dangerous offense with Riche Ashburn, Edgar Martinez, and Bengie “Don’t Make Fun of My Speed” Molina all having rather good seasons at the plate.

Weakness:  The starters have been blowing their run support. Less than 50% of their starts are quality ones

X-Factor: Starting rotation. Halladay, Daal, Franklin, and Pettite all show flashes of brilliance. If they can get their acts together and start putting together some quality starts, I actually think this team has what it takes to sneak into the playoffs in a very weak Division 2.

11. MEL (-1)

Strength: This team doesn’t quit, and has a penchant for late inning heroics. I’m not exactly sure why this happens, but Dr. Vindaloo has attributed it to his mother’s chicken tandoori recipe.

Weakness: Definitely their defense. Catcher Miguel Olivo has one of the weakest arms in the league and gets run all over. Kind of scary with their next matchup against the feet happy Spartans, who have the most stolen bases as a team in the entire league.

X-Factor: Second baseman and coach Adam Kennedy anchors this offense, totaling  8 RBIs so far. He’s actually not a big hitter, but gets on base remarkably often.

12. AXN (0)

Strength: I hate to be crass here, folks…but this team doesn’t have any strengths. This team is even worse than salad; at least salad has got that green fiber that helps a day later when you’ve overdone it on the meats…

Weakness: Everything has been going wrong, but I think the biggest weakness has been the offense. Every single player (with the exception of mid-season acquisition Hank Blalock) is having the worst year of their career. Griffey has only a pitiful 7 RBIs.

X-Factor: None, they're already done like dinner.




That’s all for now, folks. Thanks for tuning in and thanks to all my fans for these delicious hot dogs. Let’s see, what do we have next…oh, an entire crate of of Ballpark Franks? Signed from G. Hammy, of the UK? I really do have the best fans! Thanks again and until next time!

End of Series 8

RED - 4   TYC - 3   F/13
W - Wagner (2-1)   L - Kolb (2-1)
TYC: Penny: 8 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
RED: Sheets: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS(4)
RED: Giambi: 1-4 HR (4), 2 RBI (10), 2 BB
RED: Myers 3 IP, 0 H, BB

After the longest game of the season, these two teams continued their battle for Pee Wee League supremacy. Both starters did well in the early innings, helped out also from some nifty defensive plays in the field. The Aces were first to draw blood in the fourth, with first baseman Jason Giambi taking Tycoon starter Brad Penny deep for a two run shot. Aces shortstop Miguel Tejada followed that with a solo homerun in the fifth, giving his team a 3-0 lead. The always reliable Ben Sheets ran into some trouble of his own in the fifth, surrendering a three run rally with the big hit coming in the form of a Ryan Freel two run homer. With the game tied and going into the later innings, both teams eventually had to turn to their beleaguered bullpens, entirely exhausted from their 17 inning marathon in Game 1 of the series. For the Aces, reliever Mike Myers was highly effective for the rest of regulation, going three innings and surrendering only one walk the entire time. For the Tycoons, Penny pitched until the eighth inning, which he narrowly escaped from thanks to a key double play. The Aces had another golden opportunity to score in the top of the ninth, loading the bases with nobody out. But yet again, a double play took out two of those baserunners and Larry Walker 04 was unable to keep the inning alive. The Aces had yet another opportunity to score when lead-off man Tom Goodwin doubled to kick off the top of the eleventh. Nevertheless, the heart of the Red Clay order was unable to bring him home. In the bottom of the eleventh it was the Tycoons who came within striking range; shortstop Edgar “I’d Like to Rent A Ria” Rentaria lead off with a single plus. After the next batter struck out, Renteria made it to third after catcher Joe Mauer moved him along with a ground ball. But Ryan Freel couldn’t bring the go ahead run home, striking out against reliever Shingu Takatsu. Fast forward to the top of the thirteenth where very fatigued Tycoons closer Danny Kolb began his second inning of work against the heart of the Aces offense. After very long at bats, Kolb ended up walking three Aces hitters in a row. With the bases loaded, no outs, and a clearly exhausted pitcher, the Ghost of Mao went to the bullpen and called in Trevor Hoffman, an also tired pitcher after an appearance in Game 1. The next batter was Alfonso Soriano, who promptly lined a shot into left field, scoring run number four for the Aces. Hoffman held them off, however, from any further scoring so he Aces put their one run lead in the hands of also fatigued closer Billy Wager. Things looked interesting when Tycoon lead-off man Chuck Knoblauch singled and stole second. But Wagner showed why he’s one of the best closers in the game, striking out the next three batters in quick succession. With this sweep, the Aces move into undisputed first place of Division 2, as they are now incredibly the only Pee Wee League team with a winning record! The Tycoons however, fall to a miserable 7-8 record, with no less than three teams breathing right down their neck. Truly a zany situation, as the playoff spots are entirely still up for grabs.
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TEN - 5, STL - 8   F
W - Morris (2-1)   L - Ishii (1-2)   S - Isringhausen 03 (1)
STL: Morris: 7 IP, 5 ER
TEN: Ishii: 7 IP, 8 ER
STL: Renteria: 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI (11)
STL: Grudzielanek: 1-5, 2B, 2 RBI (3)
TEN: Posada: 2-5, HR (4), 2B, 3 RBI (10)

Cardinals starter Matt Morris is covered in bite marks, as he's had quite a number of bad performances in his career like his last start, which was an eight run debacle. Things got off to an equally terrible start for him in the top of the first, where Edgar Martinez Jr. doubled, J.D. Drew singled, and then Jorge Posada belted his fourth homerun of the year to bring them all home and put the Green Sox out ahead with a three run lead. The Green Sox struck again in the third with two doubles in a row from Willie Harris and Brent Mayne, bringing home another run. Newest Green Sock Jeffrey Hammonds then belted out a solo homerun in the fourth; his second homerun in the two games that he's been with the team. Green Sox starter Kazushisa Ishii was cruising early on, not giving up a hit until the fourth. He had a major stumble in the sixth however, getting tagged for four runs after a series of walks and singles. This is perhaps a critical moment where the Green Sox suffered from not having a head coach; when Ishii came out to pitch the seventh, no one was warming up in the bullpen. When he loaded the bases with nobody out, still there was nobody getting up in the pen. But by then it was too late; second baseman Mark Grudzielanek lined a shot down the third base line that brought home the tying and go ahead runs. The Cardinals managed to notch another two runs before the Green Sox were finally able to get out of the inning, bringing the score to 8-5. Matt Morris settled down enough after giving up five runs to still be in the game, and pitched through the seventh inning before handing the game over to Jason Isringhausen 03. Since Jason Isringhausen 04 was unavailable due to rest, the 03 card needed to pitch two innings. The Green Sox brought the tying run to the plate in the form of Jorge Posada in the top of the ninth, but a golden glove play from short stop Edgar Renteria was able to turn a difficult double play and end the game. With this win, the Cardinals split yet another series, playing remarkably solid .500 baseball. So solid, in fact, they now move into second place in Division 2. That doesn't say a lot, since they are only three games ahead of the last place team, but the Cardinals have a clear path to the playoffs if they can maintain the rate that they are going at. As for the Green Sox, its a game that they really would have liked to have won, but in the madness of the Pee Wee League, there's not much ground to make up and still plenty of baseball left to play.
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BOB - 3, MMD - 0   F
W - Glavine (3-0)   L - Rodgers (2-1)
BOB: Glavine: CG(3), 0 ER, 2 H, QS (3)
MMD: Rodgers: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
BOB: Lowell: 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI (4)
BOB: Aparico: 1-4, R, 2 SB(17)
MMD: Gregg: 3 IP, 0 ER

After a moving pre-game ceremony mourning the loss of Coach Taklamente, Meow Meow Dui took to the field, sending the very high performing and undefeated Kenny Rodgers to the mound. He really looked strong for most of the evening, but faltered twice. In the third inning he surrendered a solo homerun to six season veteran Mike Lowell, his first of the year and only his third RBI. The next mistake came in the sixth, when Ichiro had a clutch triple, bringing home Luis Aparicio from third. Aparicio, by the way, had his sixteenth and seventeenth stolen base of the year; he's only two away from matching the season record set by Carl Crawford in Season Four. Back to this game, Ichiro was eventually brought home by an RBI double off the bat of Mike Lowell, effectively doubling the number of RBI's he's had this season in one game. Although Rodgers pitched well, the real story in this game was Tom Glavine SS, never even allowing a player to reach second base throughout the entire game. Of the nine innings he pitched, five were perfect, and only two hits were surrendered the entire night. Credit must be given to Spartan pitching coach David Cone, whose pitching staff owns every single notable pitching performance so far this year. People are starting to talk about Cy Young, and Halladay and Glavine seem to be the top of everyone's lists. This win keeps the Bobians tied for first with the Z-Slayers in Division 1. They head into a relatively easy match-up next week against Dr. Vindaloo's Melmegetian Marauders. As for Meow Meow, the teams period of mourning just got a little more difficult to bear. They will carry a three game losing streak into their next two games against the reformed Maxion Bombers. Once thought to be a lock for the playoffs, they now only have a one game lead over the fourth place JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM.

League News Roundup 21 June

Checko Checko Taklamente Found Dead; Murder is Probable

Meow Meow Dui coach Checko Checko Taklamente was found dead this weekend in what is being declared by the police to be a probable murder. The coach, who has lead his team to an impressive 9-5 record in their first season of existence, was known around the league as a hardliner, enforcing all sorts of strange diets and exercise regimens on his team, as well as several harsh punishments for players who do not perform. He made headlines earlier in the year for implementing a team policy that banned all Japanese and Korean players from joining the team. He was most recently in the news for being the first manager ejected from a game after contesting the use of a player during Series 7, which took place during the overseas promotional games in Germany. For now the police have stated that former Cy Young winner Carl Pavano is under investigation for the murder, although he has not been arrested. Pavano had a very difficult relationship with Taklamente after being publicly berated by his manager in the media after his games. He furthermore also had the very embarrassing experience of being forced to pitch an entire game without any bullpen relief as punishment for failing to achieve a quality start. This shock comes at a bad team for Meow Meow Dui as they are in a difficult series with the Spartans of Bobia, as well as struggling to hold onto a playoff spot with Division 1 rivals JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM and the Queynos Warriors both making strong performances to effect a playoff push. Stay tuned for further developments in the case.

Division 1 Secondbaseman All Star Race Takes on a Life of Its Own

An online entrepreneur has created a stock exchange in which users can buy and sell shares of Division 1 second basemen based on their chances of making the All Star Team. This is a competition that has been watched very closely from all around the league, to the point that folks are becoming eager to make a quick buck and cash in on the very close race. As it stands right now, Bobian Marcus Giles enjoys the highest stock price with the latest ticker quote coming in at $7.61. He’s followed closely behind by Lindsyan Brian Roberts, who stands at $6.10. The rest of the available stocks stand much further below with Ken Harvey (ZSY) coming in at $2.49,  Luis Castillo (QEY) at $1.04, Mark Ellis (MMD) at $0.78, Luis Rivas (AXN) at $0.25, Jose Vidro (LIN backup) at $0.09, and Charles “Value Buy CJ” Johnson (BOB) at $0.02.

Lord Sith Still Yet to Make Any Public Statement; Concerns Some Fans in First Game

The newly announced head coach of the Z-Slayers still has yet to say anything in public. In fact, during his first game against the Queynos Warriors, Lord Sith was seen to be sitting completely motionless in the dugout throughout the entirety of the game. When the time came to bring in a new pitcher, GM Sinister made the trip out to the mound, a duty that is normally carried out by the coach. After the game, Sith was seen being carried into the clubhouse by several players at the direction of Sinister. This was eerily reminiscent of the way Sith had slouched over and said nothing at the press conference announcing him as coach. Although Sith was a controversial pick to begin with, this opens up a new controversy as to if Sith is indeed even still alive or if he is merely some kind of corpse or puppet. Sinister denied these rumors after the game, saying that Sith’s coaching was instrumental in the very close 1-0 win over Queynos, without giving any specific details however. With regards to Sith’s silence, Sinister said that the former gangster simply was tired and that he would be having press conferences of his own in due time.    

Series 8 Part 3: Last Call for Close Calls!

MEL - 10   MAX - 8   F
W - Groom (2-1)   L - Hasegawa (0-1)   S - Koch (3)
MEL: Redman: 6 2/3 IP, 5 ER
MAX : Franklin: 7 IP, 5 ER
MEL: Thomas: 3-5, 2 2B, 2 RBI (6)
MEL: Kennedy: 3-4, 2 2B, BB, 2 RBI (8)
MAX: Jeter: 1-4, HR, BB, 3 RBI (4)

With a win here, the ascendant Maxions could complete the sweep and finally move out of last place. Things did not get off to a good start for them however, with Melmegetian SS Derek Jeter taking starter Ryan Franklin deep on the first pitch of the game. Franklin continued to struggle early, surrendering a two run rally in the third. Melmegetian starter Mark Redman ran into some trouble at this time as well, giving up a two run rally in the fourth, thanks in part to good base running by Richie Ashburn and a clutch RBI double by Edgar Martinez, his team leading 11th RBI of the season by the way. The Bombers struck again in the bottom of the sixth, with their own SS Derek Jeter taking Redman deep for a three run blast, giving his team a 5-3 lead at that time. After Franklin allowed the first two Melmegetian baserunners on, the Bombers went to the bullpen and brought Shigetoshi Hasegawa into the game. Unfortunately for his team, he had a complete and utter meltdown, giving up big hits to Frank Thomas, Orlando Palmeiro, and Adam Kennedy. When the dust had settled, seven runs had come home in this hell inning, giving Dr. Vindaloo’s team a 10-5 lead. But this wild game was not over yet, folks. The Bombers fought back in the bottom of the ninth, loading the bases with only 1 out. Jeff Kent stepped up to the plate and hit a rocket down the third baseline that brought in two runs. Tony Clark was the next batter, and singled in yet another run. At this point the Marauders brought in closer Billy Koch to try and get out of the jam and secure the win. He walked the first batter Derek Jeter to load the bases again and set up the double play. However this proved unnecessary, as Koch struck out the next two batters in short order, earning his third save of the year. A very disappointing loss for the Bombers, who were so close to finally moving up in the ranks, and a desperately needed win for Vindaloo’s Marauders, who narrowly avoid a sweep at the hands of a team that they very well should have swept themselves. Both teams walk away from this split series highly unsatisfied; they both have very difficult matchups next week against the two of the Big Three in Division 1.
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QEY - 0, ZSY - 1   F
W - Day (1-0)   L - Morris (0-2)   S - Graves (4)
ZSY: Day: 6 IP, 0 ER, QS(4)
QEY: Morris: 6 IP, 1 ER, QS(3)
ZSY: Kiner: 1-4, HR(5), RBI (15)
ZSY: Pujols: 0-3, BB
QEY: Spooneybarger: 2 IP, 0 H, 0 BB

The miracle story continues; the team that was thought to have the worst pitching in the league has come up big yet again. Third starter Zach Day pitched brilliantly against the strong Queynos offense, going six strong innings and never really ever coming into danger. Despite this being his league leading 4th quality start in a row, this is only his first win of the season. After the sixth, he handed the game over to reliever Ricardo Rincon, who continued his excellent season with two shutout innings. In the ninth, Danny Graves made his second appearance in as many games to earn his fourth save of the year, tying him for the league lead. To talk about the other side of the coin for a moment, lets certainly give credit where it is due; opposing pitcher Matt Morris pitched a gem himself, matching Day inning for inning, aside from a solo homerun surrendered to Ralph Kiner in the second. Morris also got into a bases loaded jam in the sixth, but brilliantly worked out of it to prevent any further scores. It is to be noted that both teams played very well defensively in this contest, with players making some impressive plays to come up with difficult double plays, most notably third baseman Jeff Cirillo for the Z-Slayers and shortstop Carlos Guillen for the Warriors. The Z-Slayers cannot be happy with scoring only 4 runs in a series, but when your pitching has given you three straight shutout wins, I guess there isn’t a lot to complain about. Depending on how things shake out, the Z-Slayers could possibly clinch a playoff spot as early as the end of next series, in which they will try to keep their seven game win streak alive against the Red Clay Aces. As for the Warriors, this series was a very bitter pill to swallow, losing two crucial games by razor thin margins. Hope still springs eternal according to GM Mhassa Spellcaster, who was quoted after the game as saying “No, this result wasn’t ideal, but my team is still alive. And we are as hungry as a gnoll, which makes us very dangerous.” They’ll travel to Tycoonia next week to try to get some wins against the Ghost of Mao’s struggling ball club.
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LIN - 1   AXN - 0   F
W - Nen (2-1)   L - Kolb (0-2)
LIN: Loaiza: 7 IP, 0 ER, QS (4)
AXN: Maroth: 6 IP, 0 ER, QS (1)
LIN: Mientkiewicz: 1-5, RBI
LIN: Ramirez: 2-4, BB, 2B, R
AXN: Kolb: 2 IP, ER

Darkpaws starter Mike Maroth made his first start of his career, and definitely surpassed expectations. The Control 2 pitcher went six strong innings without really ever getting into trouble. His opponent Esteban Loaiza was as constant as always, earning his fourth consecutive quality start in a seven inning shut out performance. Surprisingly enough, he did not earn the win or the loss, keeping his record at an even 0-0 on the season. Loaiza did however work into trouble twice, facing bases loaded with only one out on two separate occasions. In both instances, the speedy Mike Cameron was on third, preventing an easy out at home. In both instances, second baseman Brian Roberts skillfully turned double plays to end the inning and prevent any runs from coming home. After both starters had done a hard days work, it became a scoreless battle of bullpens. Vladimir Nunez pitched a scoreless seventh for the Darkpaws and then turned it over to closer Danny Kolb, who finished the eighth. All Star and always reliable Jesse Orosco pitched the eighth for the Lindsyans. Danny Kolb came out to pitch his second inning of work in the top of the ninth. He surrendered a lead off single to Manny Ramirez, which became a lead off double after the power of silver slugger. Rondell White followed with a single, moving Ramirez to third. The silver slugger was a good move, because catcher Victor Martinez was the next batter, and promptly grounded out into a double play. That left Ramirez at third with two outs and Doug Mientkiewicz at the plate. Mientkiewicz hit a ground ball that barely got past the short stop and trickled into left field, just enough to bring Ramirez home. (Kolb had rolled a 17, which was a single only because he was tired in his second inning of work).  Lindsyan closer Robb Nen finished off the Darkpaws in the bottom of the ninth, completing the sweep of the series. While the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM definitely are happy to be walking away with two wins, they only out scored the Darkpaws 4-1 over the last two games. That being said, they now enjoy a winning record and are very much alive in the race for a Division 1 playoff spot. Should Meow Meow Dui lose their next game, the Lindsyans will only be 1 game back of third place. As for the Darkpaws...not so much. It's possible that they will officially be eliminated from playoff contention as early as next series, which they will play against the Cardinals.

Series 8 Part 2; Astounding Performances

ZSY 3   QEY  0   F
W - Hernandez (3-0)   L - Rodgers (1-2)   S - Graves (3)
ZSY: Hernandez: 7 IP, 0ER, QS (4)
ZSY: Pujols: 1-3, HR(8), RBI(22), 2 BB
ZSY: Harvey: 4-5, RBI
QEY: Rodgers: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS(3)

Things looked like they were going to be ugly early; the powerful Z-Slayer offense managed to load the bases in each of the first three innings, but the veteran Queynos starter managed to escape surrendering only one run. The Z-Slayers kept Rodgers on his toes throughout the entire evening, but he did reasonably well to keep them off the board. He only faltered in the fifth, where he surrendered a solo homerun to Albert Pujols, and in the seventh, where he surrendered an RBI single to second baseman Ken Harvey, who is making a push to be mentioned in the contentious Division 1 All Star discussion. Maybe just another word about Pujols, as he is the hottest player in the league right now; he has gone three straight games with a homerun, racking up 5 homers and ten RBIs during that streak. As for the Z-Slayer pitching, Runelvys Hernandez had another smashing performance, handling the Warriors with relative ease for seven innings strong. This very standard control 3, 17 and up pitcher has surprised the entire league to become the first in the league to nab four quality starts. ZSY closer Danny Graves entered the game in the eighth and pitched two scoreless innings to close the game and earn the save, his third of the year. While neither team was fully satisfied with their performance, you can really feel the pressure from the Queynos side, as they try to keep pace with the "big boys" of Division 1 and try to prove that they are playoff material.
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STL 2   TEN 7   F
W - Beckett (3-0)   L - Oliver (0-2)
TEN: Beckett: 8 IP, 2 ER
STL: Oliver: 7 IP, 7 ER
TEN: Hammonds: 1-4, 3R HR
TEN: Ortiz: 1-4, 3R HR
TEN: Edgar Martinez Jr.: 1-4, 1B

Sometimes a game can be boiled down to just a few swings of the bat. So it went for last nights game between these two Pee Wee league rivals. A win for the Cardinals would actually move them into second place, while a win for the Green Sox would put them into an effective tie for third. Both starters were decent through the early innings, but Cardinals Darren Oliver made one mistake in the second, surrendering a three run shot to Jeffrey Hammonds, in his first at bat as a member of the Green Sox. Things then moved briskly through the middle innings with both starters looking sharp. But Oliver made yet another mistake in the seventh, serving up a solo homerun to Magglio Ordonez. Another mistake came a few batters later when David Ortiz took him deep for another three scores. David Ortiz started off the season on fire, but has been rather bad through the middle of the season; these are his first RBIs in three series. Tenbil Town starter Josh Beckett then went on to make a mistake of his own in the top of the eighth, becoming the victim of a Larry Walker two run blast. So when the game was all said and done, nine runs had been score but only four swings of the bad had really mattered. The Green Sox are a team that lives and dies by the homerun, which they are trying to change with the addition of Edgar Martinez Jr. In his first career game he was a non-factor, going 1-4 with a single. The winner of Game 2 of this series will find themselves in sole possession of third place, and possibly second depending on a Tycoon loss.
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MMD 0   BOB 4   F
W - Halladay (3-0)   L - Schilling (3-1)
BOB: Halladay: CG, QS, only 3 hits allowed, 0 ER
MMD: Schilling: 7 IP, 4 ER
BOB: Mondesi: 2 2B, RBI
BOB: Aparicio: 2-5, 2 SB

In one of perhaps the best pitching match-ups of the year, two Division 1 rivals met for a showdown at Dulcolax Stadium, with the Spartans in the strange situation of trying to avoid a losing streak. Ronde Barber's lineup shakeup yielded fruits in the top of the first. Luis Aparicio picked up two stolen bases and was brought home thanks to an Ichiro sacrifice fly. Then followed several difficult innings for Schilling, who seemed to struggle for most of the night. He surrendered key hits to Marcus Giles, Raul Mondesi and Edgar Martinez, all of whom knocked in a run to build on the Bobian lead. As for Halladay, he was in top form, never even allowing a runner to reach second base the entire evening. He struck out 7 batters along the way, completing the game surrendering only 3 hits. This was the second best pitching performance of the year, bettered only by his one hitter debut. After the game, Ronde Barber expressed approval with his offenses performance, saying that initial results look good, but that the lineup shifts will go on anyway so that it can be experimented against several different kinds of pitchers. Game 2 features yet another amazing matchup as Tom Glavine SS goes up against Kenny Rodgers. Both stand undefeated with records of 2-0.

League News Roundup 17 MAY 2017

Lord Sinister Announces New Coach for Z-Slayers; Controversy Erupts
During a press conference yesterday, the Z-Slayer General Manager Lord Sinister announced the new head coach for his hot hitting team: none other than Lord Sith, a cyborg who ruled over the puppet state of Sithia for several years during the era of the Tycoon Wars. The announcement was met immediately with uproar from around the league, including very strong criticism from the St. Louis Cardinals, who immediately banned Sith from all their games.  Other Zachrian players certainly had their fair share to say about the move.  Most notable were comments from two time Cy Young winner Joel Piniero, who now pitches for the Darkpaws: “If Sith ever has the courage to enter the same stadium as me, expect my control to be very off that day. I might throw just a little outside of the strike zone that day…ie right into the dugout where he is sitting.” The Darkpaws have already played against the Z-Slayers, and are already out of playoff contention. But wouldn’t it be interesting if the Cardinals and Z-Slayers met in the championship round? The reaction from non-Zachrians was uniformly negative as well: The Ghost of Mao called upon the league commissioner to review the move on the basis of security concerns. Ishmael von Corrin questioned the wisdom of having a coach with zero baseball experience. And Mhassa Spellcaster was quoted as saying “Isn’t one alleged terrorist enough for a ball club? Sinister himself was questionable, but Sith is just a step way too far.” Back at the press conference, Sinister claimed that he could not think of anyone better to live up to the name of a “Z-Slayer”, and would be proud to have Sith take over coaching duties this week in their series against the Warriors. Strangely enough, Sith himself did not say a word during the entire conference, and sat rather slumped over on his chair at the front of the room.

Ronde Barber Denies Trade Rumors; Announces Lineup Shakeup Instead
After their nine game win streak was snapped last week against the St. Louis Cardinals, reports circulated of a furious Ronde Barber unloading an entire clip of ammo on a helpless Gatorade bucket while simultaneously threatening to send some of his players “back to their dead end jobs.” These are undoubtedly exaggerations, as it is almost impossible to imagine the cool and collected Barber losing his temper over a single loss. But further rumors began to circulate about possible roster moves, namely that center fielder Juan Pierre was on the chopping block and that hitting coach Mike Piazza would be transferred to ball boy. Ronde Barber took to a press conference of his own and laughingly brushed off those rumors, assuring the press that Pierre’s job was safe for now and that Mike Piazza is a Bobian legend and would never be given such short shrift. Acknowledging however that he was disappointed with his team’s offensive performance of late, Barber said that he would attempt to shake things up by retooling the batting order. Luis Aparicio, currently the league leader in stolen bases, would be moved up to lead off man. Juan Pierre would be tacked on at the ninth spot as a “secondary leadoff man”, a strategy currently used by other teams such as Mao’s Tycoons and the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM. Ichiro would be taken out of the third spot to bat second. Analyzing the moves, John Kruk had the following to say: “In general I think this is a good idea. I like giving Louie more freedom at the top of the lineup; I’m personally keeping my eye on Raul Mondesi, actually. He’s been decent all year, but I think we can agree that he hasn’t exactly been performing up to expectations. Travis Hafner can’t continue to carry this team offensively all by himself, so I really see Mondesi as a key player to step up and make this work.”

Darkpaws Griffey Claimes He's Cursed; Hires BillyWitchDoctor.Com
With just two homeruns and seven RBIs, Darkpaws center fielder is objectively having the worst season of his career thus far. To make matters worse, his STATS include a grand slam. So aside from that one swing of the bat, the Season 4 MVP is limping along with just a handful of big hits this year. His day-to-day at bats have been pitiful, with an awful average and an even more embarrassing strikeout and double play rate. He's only one of a handful of players to make the All Star team three years in a row, but he's really going to need a miracle to make it four. In a recent interview, "Ken Whiffey" (as fans around the league have taken to call him) described his belief in a curse that was put on him at the beginning of the season. "I didn't mention this before cause...well...that voodoo stuff just sounds ridiculous. But it's true. There just ain't no other explanation for it." Griffey claims that he's not sure who cursed him or how, but that he has hired a consulting firm called BillyWitchDoctor.Com to get to the root of the issue. What will it uncover? Who knows, but at this point it's basically the Darkpaws trying to get a leg up on next season.