League News Roundup: 31 July 2017

Lance Berkman Released, No Longer A Suspect in Taklamente Murder
Former Spartan Lance Berkman has been released by authorities and is no longer considered a suspect in the murder of Meow Meow Dui coach Checko Checko Taklamente. Berkman was found just blocks away from the scene of the crime, throwing something into a sewer grate. When apprehended, Berkman admitted to “doing a really horrible thing”, that he “was just angry” and that “that person didn’t deserve it.” It was thought at first that Berkman was referring to murdering Taklamente and was throwing a murder weapon into the sewer. But as police authorities have termed it, this was simply a case of the “wrong man, in the wrong place, at the wrong time.” Berkman had been drinking heavily that day and had apparently gotten into a bar fight with Spartans reliever Chris Mears. The two had been quarreling over which player had had the better career. The fight resulted in Berkman dragging Mears into the bathroom and giving him repeated swirlies while broadcasting the entire affair over his Snapchat account. Later Berkman drank an entire bottle of Jack Daniels in one evening and was attempting to throw away the bottle in the sewer grate when the police found him. His comments at apprehension had referred to the previous incident with Mears and had nothing to do with Taklamente. Darkpaws Bench Coach Harlan Ellison and Former Wildheart pitcher Tomo Ohka remain in police custody and are still both being treated as suspects.

Ishmael Von Corrin: "Something is not right about Lord Sith."
In an interview after his team’s 15-7 drubbing at the hand of the Z-Slayers, Red Clay GM Ishmael Von Corrin became yet another voice to join in about the strange behavior of the newly appointed Z-Slayers coach, Lord Sith. “To be honest,” Von Corrin said, “he really just looks like a rag doll or even a corpse. He just sits in the dugout totally limp for the entire game. His players drag him in from the clubhouse in the beginning and drag him out at the end. In fact, no one has ever seen Sith do anything under his own power. It just seems very strange to me.” Sith, who disappeared after the fall of the Numidian Empire, has resurfaced after years of supposedly being on the run from law enforcement. Currently he’s only wanted in Zachria for crimes against humanity and charges of terrorism, while many other jurisdictions have labelled him as being dead. In response to these comments, Z-Slayers GM Lord Sinister had the following to see. “You know, I used to think that Von Corrin was one of the better GMs in the league. But I’m disappointed to see that he’s just another one of these crybaby conspiracy theory Pee Wee Leaguers. He’s probably saying this to take the media’s attention away from his team’s absolutely pitiful performance last game.” Game 2 of the series should prove to be rather interesting.

Darkpaws Hint At Rebuilding Team: AM Still Very Much on the Hot Seat
Although technically not eliminated from the playoffs, the Alyxian Darkpaws are limping towards the close of their worst season yet as a franchise. That being said, rumors are circulating that GM ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER could be fired any day now in a gesture that signals the team’s intent to make radical changes in the offseason. Several commentators, John Kruk included, have questioned this logic, saying that AM really hasn’t been the source of the team’s problems. Instead, it has been a very poor performance from the offense. Nevertheless, AM’s regime is currently in chaos. His bench coach, Harlan Ellison, is currently one of the prime suspects in the murder of Coach Taklamente. Outside consultants from BillyWitchDoctorDotCom have apparently sold all of the team’s workout equipment to raise funds for a resurrection ceremony for a big bucket of KFC. The franchise player Ken Griffey Jr. reportedly does not get along well with hitting coach Ted. But should the Darkpaws decide to remove ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER, he would probably not be long unemployed with several new franchises currently in the works for next season, which would be glad to have a league veteran at the helm. The Tenbil Town Green Sox, still without any staff, have been mentioned as another possible fit.

Series 9 Part 2: Patterns of Force

LIN - 3   TEN - 9  F
W - Thomson (2-1)   L - Rueter - (1-3)
TEN: Thomson: 8 IP, 3 ER, QS (2)
LIN: Rueter: 5 1/3 IP, 7 ER
TEN: Drew: 3-4, HR (5), BB, 3 RBI (8)
TEN: Ortiz: 1-4, 2B, BB, 2 RBI (15)
TEN: Ordonez: 2-4, HR (4), BB, 2 RBI (6)

Currently both of these find themselves in fourth place, outside the playoff picture. Therefore, you can imagine how intense this series might shake out to be. But it really seemed to be the Green Sox who brought their A-game to this one. J.D. Drew continued his improvement after a disastrous first half of the season by taking Lindsyan starter Kirk Rueter deep in the top of the first for two scores. The Green Sox extended their lead to 4-0 in the third when Magglio Ordonez followed himself with a two run blast. Things didn’t get better for Rueter in the fourth either, when David Ortiz hit a bases loaded double, bringing him to 15 RBI’s on the season. That ties him for second most in the league. Edgar Martinez got in on the action as well, knocking in a run in the sixth, as well as knocking Rueter out of the game. On the other side of things, the JELLY QUEEN offense was truly pathetic in this one, with many bad rolls and quite a few double plays. Not to take away from the performance of John Thomson, but it just seemed like the whole team was out of whack. Besides a second inning jam, Thomson cruised all the way to the eighth, his longest performance so far this season, when he surrendered a three run rally to the Lindsyans. But by then it was too late; the Green Sox had added another two runs against relief pitcher Braden Looper. Increasing the deficit to an insurmountable nine runs. The explosive offensive performance by the Green Sox show just how powerful homeruns can be once you have men on base. Despite having 5 homeruns, J.D. Drew only has 8 RBIs; despite having 4 homeruns, Magglio Ordonez only has six RBIs. The Edgar Martinez strategy certainly paid off in today’s game, as he was brought home twice on long balls from batters further down the order. Both teams hold their fourth place position as they quietly wait to see the results of other games.
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MAX - 4   MMD - 3   F
W - Pettitte (2-2)   L - Ortiz (1-2)   S - Rivera (3)
MAX: Pettitte: 7 1/3 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
MMD: Ortiz: 7 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
MAX: Martinez: 2-4, HR (2), 2B, BB, 2 RBI (13)
MMD: Rowand: 3-5, 2B, RBI (7)
MAX: Rivera, IP, 0 H, 0 BB, 0 ER, S (3)

For a fourth starter matchup, this sure was a good one, pitting Maxion former Cy Young winner Andy Pettitte against MMD Russ Ortiz, both of whom have been quite solid. However, the two rivals got off to rocky starts: in the first inning Ortiz surrendered a home run to Edgar Martinez, while Pettitte surrendered two doubles, one to Aaron Rowand and the other to Miguel Tejada, which brought Rowand home for a score. After this initial hiccup, both pitchers really settled down and mowed through the enemy lineups until the sixth inning. Up to the sixth, Ortiz had given up only one hit which was the Martinez homerun in the first. But the Bombers woke up at that point and strung together a series of four hits: a single from Richie Ashburn (who then went on to steal second), then a single from Corey Koskie, then an RBI double from Edgar Martinez, and finally an RBI single from Hideki Matsui. The Bombers extended their lead to 4-2 in the top of the eighth, thanks to a Corey Koskie double. In the bottom of the eighth, Pettitte came out to start the inning but surrendered a double to Eric Chavez after getting one out. This lead the Maxions to go to the bullpen to bring in reliever Mike Stanton, who looked very shaky. He surrendered a walk and then a double which cut the lead to 4-3, with Meow Meow Dui in position to tie the game. But Stanton pulled up his pants and delivered two outs which ended the danger. Maxion closer Mariano Rivera entered in the ninth and pitched a 1-2-3 inning against the top of the Dui order, squeezing out a win for the Maxions and earning his third save of the year.
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RED - 7   ZSY - 15   F
W - D'Amico (2-2)   L - Ortiz (1-1)   S - Myers (1)
ZSY: D'Amico: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS (1)
RED: Ortiz: 5 IP, 5 ER
ZSY: Harvey: 5-5, 4 RBI
ZSY: Kiner: 2-4, HR (6), GS (1), 2B, 4 RBI (19)
RED: Tejada: 3-4, HR (4), 2 RBI (13)

The Z-Slayer offense was relentless in this one, starting right from the beginning. Red Clay starter Ramon Ortiz was constantly under attacked and did a decent job at containing the bleeding to only one run in the second, another in the third, another in the fourth, and then two in the fifth. It also didn't help that Carl Crawford and Juan Pierre seemed to be on base every inning, which gave major headaches to catcher A.J. Pierzynscki. Crawford and Pierre had EIGHT stolen bases, four each, throughout the course of this game. Pierzynscki only threw out Pierre once. Travis Harper came in relief for the Aces, but he too ran into major issues, surrendering an RBI triple to Jack Wilson and yet another RBI single to Ken Harvey, who by the way, has now re-entered the discussion about All Star second baseman. But the Red Clay offense had not yet died. Shortstop Miguel Tejada got his team on the board in the fourth with an RBI single and then again in the sixth with a solo homerun. Mike Myers was the Z-Slayer reliever who entered in the seventh; he went 1-2-3 in the seventh, but faltered in the eighth by surrendering a two run rally. So at the top of the ninth, the Z-Slayers had a 7-4 lead. Enter reliever Mike Remlinger, the only available reliever in the Red Clay bullpen after their marathon series against the Tycoons. To say it politely, Remlinger got pummeled. Up to this point none of the Z-Slayer runs had come via homerun, but they corrected that right away with Ralph Kiner continuing his miracle season with a grand slam. He was followed three batters later with a two run shot from catcher Jason Larue, who has quietly amassed four homeruns and ten RBIs on the season. Before the half of the inning was over, The Z-Slayers had added another two runs thanks to more smart base running from Crawford and Pierre and clutch hits from Wilson and Harvey. With an eleven run lead, Coach Sinister sent Mike Myers out to the mound to finish the game and his third inning of work. Myers was obviously fatigued, and struggled to complete the inning, with Alfonso Soriano smashing a three run homer and the Aces threatening more. But indeed Myers was able to finish the game and bizarrely earn a save since he successfully defended a three run lead in the eighth. This is despite the fact that he allowed five runs over three innings. Yet another win for the Z-Slayers (that's eight straight) and yet another loss for a Pee Wee League team.

League News Roundup July 21

Three Arrests Made in Taklamente Murder
Police have released the identities of three people taken in as suspects in the murder of Meow Meow Dui general manager Checko Checko Taklamente. The first was Harlan Ellison, the bench coach of the Alyxian Darkpaws, who was seen making threats against Taklamente in a video that went viral after the team’s latest loss against the JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM. The threats, which came during a long tirade in the Darkpaw locker room, referenced all sorts of violence to be used against the Meow Meow Coach for “ruining the balance of Division 1.” Ellison, who many have already considered to be slightly unhinged after he forced one of his relievers to chug an entire keg of Gatorade after a blown save, made the comments a day before the murder happened. The second suspect was named as former Spartan Lance Berkman, was positively ID’d just blocks away from the site of the murder shortly after it happened, retching violently into a sewer grate on the street. When police asked him why he was vomiting so much, his first response was mysteriously to say “Because I’ve done a really horrible thing. I was just angry; that person didn’t deserve it.” Police are still determining what these words mean, but reports indicate that Berkman had previously met with Meow Meow Dui leadership to discuss a possible comeback. The third and final suspect is Zachrian-Japanese pitcher Tomo Ohka, who previously pitched for the Zachrian Wildhearts. Ohka was arrested at Atheninia International Airport after buying a one-way ticket the night of the murder for a flight that same evening out of the country. He arrived at the airport in such a rush, that he was stopped at security for forgetting his passport. It is not known at this time what connection Ohka had with Taklamente, but Taklamente’s anti-Japanese bias was notorious throughout the league. Stay tuned to this one, more details sure to come.

Formal Investigation to be launched against Dr. Vindaloo
The league commissioner has formally launched an investigation in an apparent corruption probe against Marauder manager Dr. Vindaloo. Sources have been tight lipped as to what sparked the investigation, but several people have speculated that it might have something to do with a cover-up operation undertaken by Vindaloo himself. Several trucks worth of Indian food was seen being sent by Vindaloo to Dulcolax Stadium in what Marauder leadership called “a gesture of good will.” The Marauders will host the Spartans next week at Melmegetia Municipal Stadium.

Seaver Hints At Leaving Spartans; Will Be a Free Agent
As talk begins to heat up about several expansion teams, Spartan ace Tom Seaver said recently in an interview that we would feel a certain sense of obligation to pitch for the New York Mets, if they were to join the league. “When someone calls me ‘The Franchise’, what exactly do you think that's referring to?” Seaver replied to the reporter with a twinkle in his eye. Seaver ruled out the possibility, however, of pitching for the Red Clay Aces, a team that has expressed interest in signing him. Unless he was traded, he said, his decision would be between the Spartans or Mets. Although Seaver has pitched very well, he’s been somewhat overshadowed this year by the other pitchers on the staff; Roy Halladay and Tom Glavine SS are both very strong candidates for Cy Young while John Burkett is tied for the league lead in quality starts. Word has also gotten out that Seaver hasn’t exactly gotten along with coach Maddux, but this remains an unconfirmed rumor.

Start of Series 9

TYC - 4   QEY - 2
W - Lopez (1-2)   L - Haynes (0-1)   S - Kolb (3)
TYC : Lopez: 7 IP, 2 ER, QS (2)
QEY: Haynes: 5 IP, 4 ER
TYC: McGriff: 3-3, HR (4), 3 RBI (14), 2B, BB, 2 R
QEY: Burks: 1-4, HR (3), RBI (13)
TYC: Kolb: 2 IP, 0 H, BB

The Tycoons found themselves in a desperate situation this week, heading into Queynos: knocked down to third place and with a bullpen that has been worked down to the bone. What's worse, fourth starter Albie Lopez is not known to pitch very many innings and tends to rack up a large pitch count early. He thankfully got some run support early, in the form of a three run blast off the bat of Fred McGriff, who has had a rather pitiful season despite having great STATS (4 HR, 14 RBI). Most of those homeruns and RBIs came in the first two series of the year; this is McGriff's most significant production since. The Warriors answered directly in the bottom of the second, scoring a run of their own thanks to always great base running by Frank Catalonotto and a clutch single by Edgardo Alfonzo. In the fifth inning, McGriff lead off with a double, and was later brought home by a Ryan Freel single, bringing the score to 4-1 in favor of the Tycoons. But with a very badly depleted bullpen, the Tycoons were still in a very precarious situation. Queynos centerfielder Ellis Burks hit a solo homerun in the sixth to bring the deficit to two. With an already very high pitch count, Lopez was sent out to pitch the seventh inning at the behest of the Ghost of Mao. The gamble paid off and Lopez cruised through the inning, giving some badly needed rest to the bullpen. Closer Danny Kolb made his third straight appearance, but certainly didn't look tired, going two very strong innings to close the game and earn his third save of the year. This win puts a little bit of wind back into the Tycoons sails as they snap a four game losing streak. For the Queynos Warriors, a shot at the playoffs seems dimmer and dimmer with each day. Truly a shame, since this team has played much better than their 6-10 record might indicate.
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MEL - 1   BOB - 7
W - Burkett (4-0)   L - Garcia (0-3)
BOB: Burkett: 6 IP, ER, QS (4)
MEL: Garcia: 6 IP, 7 ER
BOB: Lowell: 3-4, HR(2), 3 RBI (7), R
BOB: Ichiro: 1-3, 2 RBI (12), 2 BB
BOB: Fingers: 3 IP, 0 ER, 0 H, 0 BB, 3 K

Before a packed capacity crowd at "Dulcolax Stadium", the hometown Spartans took on a Marauder team that is in a death struggle to squeeze into the playoffs. John Burkett, the only Spartan starter to survive on the roster since opening day, in some ways has been the most consistent pitcher on the team. His performances have not been dominant nor lengthy, but he is currently one of only six players in the league to achieve four straight quality starts. In this game he did have to work out of trouble more than once, but was quite effective at handling the rather weak Marauder attack. He only faltered once when he surrendered a solo homerun in the second inning. His rival and former teammate Freddy Garcia did not fare so well against his own team, taking a beating of seven runs over six innings. Big hits came off the bat of Ichiro Suzuki (2 RBI single), Fredgar Martinez (RBI double), Marcus Giles (solo HR), and most importantly, a crushing three run blow from the hot hitting Mike Lowell. Lowell has five RBIs over his last two game and is arguably the hottest hitter in the league at the moment. After Burkett had dutifully put in six innings of good work, he turned the game over to Rollie Fingers who had another incredible performance, twirling three perfect innings. With pitching as good as the Spartans have, they must be feeling really excellent when their offense puts up seven runs; they've only allowed more than three runs once as a team all season. As for Vindaloo's Marauders, they too can feel their shot at the playoffs slipping away, especially with one of the most difficult remaining schedules in the league. But then again, anything seems possible in the Pee Wee League.
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AXN - 4   STL - 3   F
W - Maroth (1-0)   L - Ankiel (1-2)  S - Kolb (5)
AXN: Maroth: 6 IP, 0 ER, QS(2)
STL: Ankiel: 6 IP, 2 ER, QS(1)
AXN: Blalock: 3-4, HR(4), 2B, BB, 2 RBI (8)
STL: Renteria: 1-3, 2B, BB, 2 RBI (13)
AXN: Cameron: 1-4, BB, RBI(7)

The control 2 Mike Maroth surprised the showdown world again with his second consecutive strong performance. The Cardinals, inconsistent as always, looked pretty dull in the early innings and were mowed down with relative ease by Maroth. Their bats did seem to come alive as the game went on, more on that later. On the flip side, Cardinals fourth starter Rick Ankiel pitched well enough to earn his first quality start of the year; going six strong only giving up two runs. It seemed like Ankiel had most of the Darkpaw lineup figured out with the exception of third baseman Hank Blalock, who continues to be the only offensive player of note for the Darkpaws. Blalock took Ankiel deep for a solo shot in the second inning, and then struck again with an RBI double in the fourth. As stated earlier, the Cardinals offense got off to a slow start early but seemed to pick up some steam towards the end. In the sixth inning, the Darkpaws defense committed an error and plunked Maroth into quite a jam with runners on second and third with no outs. But thanks to three strikeouts (and an intentional walk to Larry Walker) he finished his performance without giving up any runs. But reliever Satoru Komiyama struggled in the eight, allowing Larry Walker 04 to put the Cardinals on the board with an RBI single. Cardinals reliever Jason Isringhausen struggled himself in the top of the ninth and allowed the Darkpaws to rally for another two runs. With the score at 4-1, the Darkpaws brought in closer Danny Kolb to end the game. By now the Cardinals offense had awoken, and quickly loaded the bases with one out. Edgar "I'd Like To Rent A Ria" Renteria stepped up to the plate and whacked a line drive down the third base line that brought home two runs. Those are Renteria's team leading twelfth and thirteenth RBIs on the season. But the heart of the Cardinals order could not bring home the tying run, with Kolb managing to fly out Larry Walker and ground out Larry Walker 04. A very bitter loss for the Cardinals who really should have considered this an easy win. But it almost seems like they are cursed to split every series they play in, whether it be against the lofty Spartans or the lowly Darkpaws. They will have a tremendous pressure next game to avoid a sweep at the hands of one of the worst teams in the league. As for the Darkpaws, this win simply might just keep ALLIED_MASTERCOMPUTER in his job for a little while longer. The other upside is that closer Danny Kolb now leads the league in saves. Although Kolb really hasn't pitched particularly well, the Darkpaws rarely dominate their opponents, leading to lots of save situations for the struggling bullpen.

The Kruk Bucket: Episode 7: HOT DOGS!

Welcome to Episode Seven of the Kruk Bucket; I’m your host John Kruk, also known affectionately as “Krukkie” to the staff of Bobby’s Burger Palace. You might have noticed this delicious, half eaten hot dog that I got here. If you’re wondering why, you might remember of an incident I spoke of during my last Kruk Bucket in which several mischievous Tycoons fans thought it might be funny to humiliate me by publicly offering me hot dogs everywhere I went. Although I might have acted a little angrily at first, this boy doesn’t see an ounce of shame in enjoying a good hot dog (as long as you got the relish to go along with it). So in a show of defiance to that, worldwide fans of the Kruk Bucket have been sending me hotdogs through the mail.  This one here comes to us all the way from Lithuania, sent in by a fellow who would like to be kept anonymous. Thanks for all your support, folks, and just know that you’re the greatest fan that a baseball analyst could hope for!


Today’s episode will be a little different. I will give my power rankings as usual, but I will just be giving a quick run-down of each team’s man strength, weakness, and X-factor as we enter playoff push territory towards the end of the season.

1. BOB (0)

Strength: The starting Pitching. David Cone’s staff is on a 15 game quality start streak and have been simply dominant. I’m ready to say it's the best starting rotation that the league has ever seen.

Weakness: The offense, generally speaking. No one has really stepped up to lead it. Ichiro started hot, but has noticeably cooled. For Koresh sake, Giles in 2nd in the team with 8 RBIs!

X-Factor: I’m gonna say Luis Aparicio for the Spartans. Not because he’s gonna set a league record for stolen bases, but because he is exactly the kind of player that you need to manufacture runs. With pitching as dominant as the Spartans have, every run that Aparicio can squeeze out is going to have big consequences.

2. ZSY (0)

Strength: The three players Albert Pujols, Jack Wilson, and Ralph Kiner have a combined 47 RBIs. To put that in perspective, the entire Darkpaws team only has 35 so far this season.

Weakness: Paradoxically the offense. They only scored 4 runs last series, even though the pitching bailed them out to achieve the sweep. It’s feast or famine with these guys, and it's a bit too streaky for comfort.

X-Factor: Their first three starters: Wells, Hernandez and Day, who are all having career years and performing WAY above their potential. As long as they can keep that up, this team will be close to Number 1.

3. RED (+1)

Strength: Threats up and down the lineup, leading to a very strong but balanced attack. Six batters have at least 2 homeruns

Weakness: Part of the thing holding them back from absolutely dominating the Pee Wee League is their clear lack of an ace. Mark Buerhle is clearly not getting it down, with a record of 0-3 and no quality starts.

X-Factor: Bullpen. I see 10 quality starts from other 3 starters and none of them with any losses. That tells me that a lot of their games are decided in the late innings. We’ll see how they recover after their 30 inning series against the Tycoons.

4. MMD (-1)

Strength: Pitching in general. Although Cy Young winner Carl Pavano hasn’t exactly matched his previous year’s performance, both the starting rotation and bullpen have been quite solid.

Weakness: The offense is being carried entirely on the backs of catcher Gregg Zaun and outfielder Eric Chavez. They are the only two players on the roster with more than 6 RBIs.

X-factor: The top of the order really needs to be getting on base more. Zaun and Chavez consistently get the big hits, but there just never seem to be runners in scoring position to cash in on.

5. LIN (+1)

Strength: Bullpen. Jesse Orosco and Steve Karsay have been unhittable. I think they are both strong candidates for the All-Star Team. Closer Robb Nen hasn’t been too shabby either.

Weakness: JELLY QUEEN pitchers seem to have some kind of curse on them, in which they are subject to “hell innings.” This is where they are pitching very well, and then have one inning where they breakdown and give up a big rally.

X-Factor: Manny Ramirez. At times, he really looks like MVP material. Not only does he get the big hits, but he really does a good job of moving runners and manufacturing runs. When him and Rondell White are hot, this is a very potent offense.

6. STL (+1)

Strength: Inconsistent in a consistent way, as they’ve split every series but one this year. Continuing this will get them into the playoffs for sure.

Weakness: Aside from Renteria, Cepeda, and Walker, the offense is weak, especially so in the middle of the lineup. Aside from the players mentioned, no other with more than 5 RBIs.

X-Factor: Defense. With three golden gloves in the infield, I can definitely see that being the edge for this team to pull out wins in close games.

7. QEY (-2)

Strength: Dynamic offense that moves runners. They lead the league in extra bases and moving runners with sacrifice flies. Outfielder Frank Catalonotto is one of the best examples of this; he gets on base A LOT and rarely gets stranded at first.

Weakness: This team would definitely have another chance at winning the division if it wasn’t for the abysmal performance of their bullpen. They’ve taken 4 losses, only the Darkpaws are worse in that regard.

X-Factor: Tim Spooneybarger. While the rest of the bullpen has been horrible, Spooneybarger has been nothing short of dominant. Look for Coach Jaby to rely on him very heavily as they make a final charge towards the playoffs.

8. TYC (0)

Strength: Like most years, their bullpen has been one of the best. The problem is, most their games this year have been decided in the early and mid-innings.

Weakness: I gave these Tycoons their due. But this team’s offensive performance has been shameful. Shutout 4 of the last 8 games!

X-Factor: You know, I see a lot of parallels with the Darkpaws. Both teams are over-relying on a former MVP. While there is little that Ken Griffey Jr. can do at this point to make a difference, reigning MVP Jeremy Giambi still could do a lot to help his team finish the season strong. He had 34 RBIs last season compared to only 8 RBI so far this year.

9. TEN (0)

Strength: This team is the master of the long ball. They hit a lot of homeruns. David Ortiz, J.D. Drew, Jorge Posada, and Magglio Ordonez are all deadly threats in each and every at bat.

Weakness: Most of their homers are solo homeruns. On base performance has been pitiful; they really could be scoring a lot more runs if they simply had men positioned on base for the big hits.

X-Factor: Edgar Martinez Jr. was brought in specifically to remedy this weakness. He’s been quite in his league debut, but can really have a big impact down the stretch if he gets hot. He is a natural fit for this team.

10. MAX (+1)

Strength: Although this team sits at the bottom of the Pee Wee League, they have a rather dangerous offense with Riche Ashburn, Edgar Martinez, and Bengie “Don’t Make Fun of My Speed” Molina all having rather good seasons at the plate.

Weakness:  The starters have been blowing their run support. Less than 50% of their starts are quality ones

X-Factor: Starting rotation. Halladay, Daal, Franklin, and Pettite all show flashes of brilliance. If they can get their acts together and start putting together some quality starts, I actually think this team has what it takes to sneak into the playoffs in a very weak Division 2.

11. MEL (-1)

Strength: This team doesn’t quit, and has a penchant for late inning heroics. I’m not exactly sure why this happens, but Dr. Vindaloo has attributed it to his mother’s chicken tandoori recipe.

Weakness: Definitely their defense. Catcher Miguel Olivo has one of the weakest arms in the league and gets run all over. Kind of scary with their next matchup against the feet happy Spartans, who have the most stolen bases as a team in the entire league.

X-Factor: Second baseman and coach Adam Kennedy anchors this offense, totaling  8 RBIs so far. He’s actually not a big hitter, but gets on base remarkably often.

12. AXN (0)

Strength: I hate to be crass here, folks…but this team doesn’t have any strengths. This team is even worse than salad; at least salad has got that green fiber that helps a day later when you’ve overdone it on the meats…

Weakness: Everything has been going wrong, but I think the biggest weakness has been the offense. Every single player (with the exception of mid-season acquisition Hank Blalock) is having the worst year of their career. Griffey has only a pitiful 7 RBIs.

X-Factor: None, they're already done like dinner.




That’s all for now, folks. Thanks for tuning in and thanks to all my fans for these delicious hot dogs. Let’s see, what do we have next…oh, an entire crate of of Ballpark Franks? Signed from G. Hammy, of the UK? I really do have the best fans! Thanks again and until next time!

End of Series 8

RED - 4   TYC - 3   F/13
W - Wagner (2-1)   L - Kolb (2-1)
TYC: Penny: 8 IP, 3 ER, QS (3)
RED: Sheets: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS(4)
RED: Giambi: 1-4 HR (4), 2 RBI (10), 2 BB
RED: Myers 3 IP, 0 H, BB

After the longest game of the season, these two teams continued their battle for Pee Wee League supremacy. Both starters did well in the early innings, helped out also from some nifty defensive plays in the field. The Aces were first to draw blood in the fourth, with first baseman Jason Giambi taking Tycoon starter Brad Penny deep for a two run shot. Aces shortstop Miguel Tejada followed that with a solo homerun in the fifth, giving his team a 3-0 lead. The always reliable Ben Sheets ran into some trouble of his own in the fifth, surrendering a three run rally with the big hit coming in the form of a Ryan Freel two run homer. With the game tied and going into the later innings, both teams eventually had to turn to their beleaguered bullpens, entirely exhausted from their 17 inning marathon in Game 1 of the series. For the Aces, reliever Mike Myers was highly effective for the rest of regulation, going three innings and surrendering only one walk the entire time. For the Tycoons, Penny pitched until the eighth inning, which he narrowly escaped from thanks to a key double play. The Aces had another golden opportunity to score in the top of the ninth, loading the bases with nobody out. But yet again, a double play took out two of those baserunners and Larry Walker 04 was unable to keep the inning alive. The Aces had yet another opportunity to score when lead-off man Tom Goodwin doubled to kick off the top of the eleventh. Nevertheless, the heart of the Red Clay order was unable to bring him home. In the bottom of the eleventh it was the Tycoons who came within striking range; shortstop Edgar “I’d Like to Rent A Ria” Rentaria lead off with a single plus. After the next batter struck out, Renteria made it to third after catcher Joe Mauer moved him along with a ground ball. But Ryan Freel couldn’t bring the go ahead run home, striking out against reliever Shingu Takatsu. Fast forward to the top of the thirteenth where very fatigued Tycoons closer Danny Kolb began his second inning of work against the heart of the Aces offense. After very long at bats, Kolb ended up walking three Aces hitters in a row. With the bases loaded, no outs, and a clearly exhausted pitcher, the Ghost of Mao went to the bullpen and called in Trevor Hoffman, an also tired pitcher after an appearance in Game 1. The next batter was Alfonso Soriano, who promptly lined a shot into left field, scoring run number four for the Aces. Hoffman held them off, however, from any further scoring so he Aces put their one run lead in the hands of also fatigued closer Billy Wager. Things looked interesting when Tycoon lead-off man Chuck Knoblauch singled and stole second. But Wagner showed why he’s one of the best closers in the game, striking out the next three batters in quick succession. With this sweep, the Aces move into undisputed first place of Division 2, as they are now incredibly the only Pee Wee League team with a winning record! The Tycoons however, fall to a miserable 7-8 record, with no less than three teams breathing right down their neck. Truly a zany situation, as the playoff spots are entirely still up for grabs.
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TEN - 5, STL - 8   F
W - Morris (2-1)   L - Ishii (1-2)   S - Isringhausen 03 (1)
STL: Morris: 7 IP, 5 ER
TEN: Ishii: 7 IP, 8 ER
STL: Renteria: 2-5, 2B, 2 RBI (11)
STL: Grudzielanek: 1-5, 2B, 2 RBI (3)
TEN: Posada: 2-5, HR (4), 2B, 3 RBI (10)

Cardinals starter Matt Morris is covered in bite marks, as he's had quite a number of bad performances in his career like his last start, which was an eight run debacle. Things got off to an equally terrible start for him in the top of the first, where Edgar Martinez Jr. doubled, J.D. Drew singled, and then Jorge Posada belted his fourth homerun of the year to bring them all home and put the Green Sox out ahead with a three run lead. The Green Sox struck again in the third with two doubles in a row from Willie Harris and Brent Mayne, bringing home another run. Newest Green Sock Jeffrey Hammonds then belted out a solo homerun in the fourth; his second homerun in the two games that he's been with the team. Green Sox starter Kazushisa Ishii was cruising early on, not giving up a hit until the fourth. He had a major stumble in the sixth however, getting tagged for four runs after a series of walks and singles. This is perhaps a critical moment where the Green Sox suffered from not having a head coach; when Ishii came out to pitch the seventh, no one was warming up in the bullpen. When he loaded the bases with nobody out, still there was nobody getting up in the pen. But by then it was too late; second baseman Mark Grudzielanek lined a shot down the third base line that brought home the tying and go ahead runs. The Cardinals managed to notch another two runs before the Green Sox were finally able to get out of the inning, bringing the score to 8-5. Matt Morris settled down enough after giving up five runs to still be in the game, and pitched through the seventh inning before handing the game over to Jason Isringhausen 03. Since Jason Isringhausen 04 was unavailable due to rest, the 03 card needed to pitch two innings. The Green Sox brought the tying run to the plate in the form of Jorge Posada in the top of the ninth, but a golden glove play from short stop Edgar Renteria was able to turn a difficult double play and end the game. With this win, the Cardinals split yet another series, playing remarkably solid .500 baseball. So solid, in fact, they now move into second place in Division 2. That doesn't say a lot, since they are only three games ahead of the last place team, but the Cardinals have a clear path to the playoffs if they can maintain the rate that they are going at. As for the Green Sox, its a game that they really would have liked to have won, but in the madness of the Pee Wee League, there's not much ground to make up and still plenty of baseball left to play.
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BOB - 3, MMD - 0   F
W - Glavine (3-0)   L - Rodgers (2-1)
BOB: Glavine: CG(3), 0 ER, 2 H, QS (3)
MMD: Rodgers: 6 IP, 3 ER, QS (4)
BOB: Lowell: 2-4, HR, 2B, 2 RBI (4)
BOB: Aparico: 1-4, R, 2 SB(17)
MMD: Gregg: 3 IP, 0 ER

After a moving pre-game ceremony mourning the loss of Coach Taklamente, Meow Meow Dui took to the field, sending the very high performing and undefeated Kenny Rodgers to the mound. He really looked strong for most of the evening, but faltered twice. In the third inning he surrendered a solo homerun to six season veteran Mike Lowell, his first of the year and only his third RBI. The next mistake came in the sixth, when Ichiro had a clutch triple, bringing home Luis Aparicio from third. Aparicio, by the way, had his sixteenth and seventeenth stolen base of the year; he's only two away from matching the season record set by Carl Crawford in Season Four. Back to this game, Ichiro was eventually brought home by an RBI double off the bat of Mike Lowell, effectively doubling the number of RBI's he's had this season in one game. Although Rodgers pitched well, the real story in this game was Tom Glavine SS, never even allowing a player to reach second base throughout the entire game. Of the nine innings he pitched, five were perfect, and only two hits were surrendered the entire night. Credit must be given to Spartan pitching coach David Cone, whose pitching staff owns every single notable pitching performance so far this year. People are starting to talk about Cy Young, and Halladay and Glavine seem to be the top of everyone's lists. This win keeps the Bobians tied for first with the Z-Slayers in Division 1. They head into a relatively easy match-up next week against Dr. Vindaloo's Melmegetian Marauders. As for Meow Meow, the teams period of mourning just got a little more difficult to bear. They will carry a three game losing streak into their next two games against the reformed Maxion Bombers. Once thought to be a lock for the playoffs, they now only have a one game lead over the fourth place JELLY QUEEN DREAM TEAM.