League News Roundup 15 JUN 18

League News Roundup 15 JUN 18

Grievous Error: Melmegetian Marauders Not Actually Eliminated from Playoffs

It was reported several weeks ago that the Melmegetian Marauders were eliminated from playoff contention. With one game left in the season, a scenario has been discovered in which it is still possible for the Marauders to advance: if they defeat the Green Sox and are helped out by a loss by the Bombers. Should all these teams finish the season with 9 wins, the Marauders actually own the tie breaker over the Bombers, Green Sox, and Cardinals due to head-to-head record and divisional record. While Maxions and Tenbil Town still fully control their own destinies, the Cardinals are now officially eliminated with their most recent loss. If the Maxions and Tenbil town both win, then the Marauders will be eliminated and those two teams will head to a one game playoff. In response to this news, Marauder General Manager Doctor Vindaloo has banned John Kruk from Melmegetia Municipal Stadium for their final home game. Krukkie is now banned from two stadiums, the other being the New Z-Slayers Park. In his defense, Kruk said that he had been distracted by some kielbasa when he meant to say that the Marauders had been eliminated from winning the division, not from playoff contention. Kruk went on to say that since the Polish sausage was now lodged in his heart, the apology that he offered was truly "heartfelt."

Massive Rains Engulf Bobia for More than Six Months: Dulcolax Stadium in Great Shape

For more than six months the league was put on hold by monsoon like weather that made the Spartans vs. JELLY QUEEN game simply impossible. League rules state that the game could not be rescheduled and neither team consented to forfeit. Therefore the league enjoyed a several month hiatus before finishing off the regular season. Although the Bobian home field of Dulcolax Stadium was full to the brim several times with water, the incredible "flush" function installed by the good people over at Dulcolax kept the stadium in perfect working order. As a side note, the stadium recently announced several new concessions to go along with the Bacon Boutique and Bobby's Burger Palace: Cluckin' Bell, Dulcolax Emergency Care, Pizzeria Bobiana, Baconator's House of Bacon, and Crazy CJ's (Home of the Mad Burger). 

Taklamente Murder Investigation: Ohka speaks of "Mister B"

Former Zachrian Ace Tomo Ohka has officially confessed to the murder of Meow Meow Dui Coach Checko Checko Talklamente, but a shocking new detail has leaked to the press: Ohka insists that he did not act alone. Instead, he says that he was aided and abetted by a shadowy figure named "Mister B." No word yet on what role this "Mister B" played exactly, but an investigation has been launched into who this person might be. While Ohka insists that he himself has no idea who this person is, but suspicion is now cast upon all players, coaches, and personalities with a "B" initial in their name. Some of the most spoken about persons are Danys "Slapass" Baez (free agent relief pitcher), Benny (AXN first base coach), Ellis Burks (QEY CF), Bengie "Don't Make Fun of My Speed" Molina (MAX catcher), and Lance Berkman (league drunk), to name a few.