The Kruk Bucket, Tax Return Christmas Edition

Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas and a Happy Kruk Bucket to all! Today I'm playing Santa here at JELLY QUEEN Arena, distributing free tax returns to the first 30,000 fans that show up here. Afterwards we'll be covering the much anticipated battle between the Lindsyans and her feline rivals Meow Meow Dui. Tell you what, I know what I'd be spending my tax return on...a mountain of the world famous Lindsayn Christmas Crambeau! You might be surprised at my choice there, but rest assured, I got my gift certificates to the Burger Palace covered on my Xmas list. Santa bats 1.000 for me, so no need to worry folks.

Speaking of high batting averages, an important piece of news came out this week. Edgar Martinez Jr., the son of the longtime Alyxian DH who was murdered by a mob of angry Zachrians during a game ten years ago, has now announced his free agency. Word on the street is that his asking salary is exceedingly high, but he's still attracted the attention of several teams. Rumors have it that the most interested parties were the Red Clay Aces, Mao's Tycoons, and the Alyxian Darkpaws, of whom his father played for. Because of the high price of this prospect, either team would have to move a lot of players around which wouldn't make it an immediately good fit for the Aces or Tycoons, who are both doing well now; the Darkpaws had just cleaned out house, so the timing for them isn't ideal either. But one thing is for sure, this news has caused the most buzz in the league since Cluckin Bell ended their discount for the press covering Ash Street Showdown.

Anyway, I got a few comments from some people around the league regarding where Martinez might end up.

"Trust me, we are evaluating this player very closely. We probably have more open cap space than any other team in the league AND we carry a sixth reliever. If we eventually decide that it makes sense to add Edgar to our roster, we will make that move as fast as we can." -Ishmael von Corrin, General Manager of the Red Clay Aces

"It's difficult to integrate this kind of player into an already established team. You really need to build one around him." -Ronde Barber, General Manger of the Spartans of Bobia

"We need him. He's the kind of player that can turn our season around. You know Mike [Cameron] and I would love to have us three Seattle Mariners batting 1, 2, and 3 again for the Darkpaws. If anyone could bring the glory days back to Alyxia, it would be us three." Ken Griffey Jr., CF Alyxian Darkpaws

"I've been crunching the numbers on this one, and to be honest, I think there's a distinct possibility that we might not see Martinez catch onto a team until the offseason. If that ends up being the case, I see him possibly being the centerpiece of one of the expansion teams, possibly the one for Cape Koresh, if that ends up materializing." -Al Leiter, Leit'em Up Roster Report correspondent.

So folks, I've been here talking tax policy all day, and I've already tired myself out talking about all this Edgar Martinez news. So I'll do a quick lightning round of my power rankings, and then its time to sample some of the Christmas Eve's Eve delicacies.

1. BOB (+1) six straight wins, nine straight quality starts, a rotation that gives the league nightmares, and an offense with the hottest hitter (Ichiro), the hottest baserunner (Luis Aparicio), and the highest hot sauce tolerance (Charles "Colon Cleaner CJ" Johnson), and I just don't see anyone slowing this team down. In the last few games, the second you give up a run to them, you essentially lose. This is going to be the most exciting pitching staff to watch in the entire league heading into the second half of the schedule. I'm just really impressed; I know I'm repeating myself, but you really can't sing GM Ronde Barber's praises loud enough...at this point, at least.

2. RED (-1) Bit of a tough series against Meow Meow Dui, but the downgrade here is really just because the Spartans have come on so strong. With the Tycoons getting swept, the Aces again sit at the top of Division 2. This next series against the Cardinals is an important one; a strong performance would firmly entrench them as the inter-divisional counterpart to the Spartans. If they should stumble here, that would send Division 2 into looking even more like plate of spaghetti shot up several times by a shotgun.

3. ZSY (0) Well, we know the offense works well. But how much longer can this team put up Cy Young like pitching performances? Really they've only had serious issues with their 4th starter, as the other 3 have racked up 6 quality starts. Rumors keep floating around that they are looking to beef up the offense further, but what could the possibly improve on? And where would they be getting the money? In any case, golden opportunity to pick up some wins as the Darkpaws come to play in the still worse for wear Z-Slayer Park.

4. MMD (0) Just when you open your mouth to criticize this team's offense, they go ahead and beat down the Aces for 12 runs. So go figure. Huge matchup here this week though against the Lindsyans; they're both clawing (no pun intended) at a playoff spot in the highly competitive Division 1. I'm excited to see Curt Schilling take the mound this next game: he's 2-0 with two quality starts in both his appearances.


5. LIN (+2) Maybe this team has the highest morale in the league at the moment. Coming out with a hard fought sweep against the ascendant Marauders, Manny Ramirez and Rondell White continue steadily manufacturing runs while the veteran bullpen is clearly one of the best out there. But can they win the big games? They certainly have two big ones next against MMD, but a very easy schedule after that when the last place teams of both divisions come to town.

6. TYC (-1) Commence hate mail. But Tycoon fans, I got news for you. Your team got swept! Outscored 9-0 in their last two games! And you think I'm biased against them? Really people, what does this team have going for it? The offense has been drier than Mee Maw's Thanksgiving turkey.


7. STL (+2) Finally breaking out from the number 9 spot, I'm bumping this team up a few spots. They've only been swept once (by MMD way back in Series 1) and otherwise have been able to get a piece of every opponent they've faced. Lots of inconsistency here, that shouldn't be news to you, but there's certainly potential. Looking at the matchups, I think they'll maintain the number 3 spot in Division 2 despite a tough fight coming up against the Aces.

8. QEY (+2) Gotta say that these guys looked good this week, taking the Green Sox to task. But I still have to say that there are still a few open questions about this team, despite the fact that we are nearing the middle of the season. Its anybody's guess which bullpen shows up on any given game; Luis Castillo and Carlos Guillen both do not have a single RBI between them, none the less worrying because they are at the top of the Warrior order. Although this team has worked their way back to a respectable 4-5 record, they have the most brutal stretch of scheduling of many any team for the next four series: BOB, then RED, then ZSY, then TYC.

9. MEL (0) They took two losses to the Lindsyans, but they were "good" losses. They were only outscored by three runs, and both the offense and pitching is looking much better than how they did at the beginning of the season. Scott Rolen is starting to heat up, and is going to be toward the top of the leaderboards if he keeps up his current pace of RBIs and homeruns. This team has a tough road ahead and will be watching the Cardinals and Green Sox very closely. Of the three, the Marauders arguably have the most difficult matchup against the Tycoons. Dr. Vindaloo certainly gets credit for a novel approach, but I personally don't see how a replica of the Ganges River in the outfield will help.

10. TEN (-4) This team just can't seem to catch a break. After losing three straight games by just one run, they got taken to the cleaners by the Warriors in just a morale crushing loss. As John Kruk said, this team certainly has the ingredients for success, but something just isn't congealing right. The team hits a lot of homeruns, but their baserunners are so few that most of them go for solo shots. It also hasn't helped that Magglio Ordonez and former MVP J.D. Drew are both having their worst seasons of their career so far. This team certainly has a chance to get two much needed wins against the hapless Bombers, but you can really feel that the winds have entirely vacated this team's sails.

11. AXN (0) Woohoo! You swept the Bombers! But can you beat anyone else? Open question. I personally don't think they have a chance against the Z-Slayers next week. Either way, Hank Blalock has performed quite nicely since the team added him a few games ago, Enough to keep his job if Edgar Martinez is still available down the stretch?


12. MAX (0) Ouch. Swept by the Darkpaws. But to be honest, I think they might be able to pull an upset against the Green Sox. If there is any team that's more in need of a bacon flavored ice cream sundae, it might be them. Ah what the hell, I'll go ahead here and predict that they snap their eight game skid this series. I think most fans are still buying tickets for this team more to see if Ashburn can put together another all star season.

Well that's it for now folks. Hope you had a merry koreshmas and look forward to a happy new year! According to the Chinese Zodiac its going to be the Year of the Cordon Bleu, so I'm excited!

Series 5 Finale

AXN 5, MAX 4 F

                1              2              3              4              5              6              7              8              9

AXN        0              0              0              0              5              0              0              0              0           

MAX       0              0              1              1              0              0              1              1              0              

W – Zito (2-0)                   L – Halladay (0-1)                  S – Kolb (3)

Both starters looked on point early. Longtime Darkpaw Barry Zito was nearly perfect before he gave up a solo homerun to Bengie "Don't Make Fun of My Speed" Molina in the third, and another solo homerun to Tony Clark in the fifth, his first RBI of the season. The Darkpaws responded with a 2 out rally in the fifth, culminating in a Hank Blalock three run shot. He has homered in his first two career games now, and otherwise had a very solid showing at the plate in this one, going 3-4 with a walk. Halladay settled down and pitched well through the eighth. Zito was replaced in the seventh by Satoru Komiyama who worked into a jam but managed to escape with giving up only one run. Coach Gorrister sent him out again in the eighth, and things began to get interesting when he immediately surrendered a solo homerun to Jeff "Automatic Out" Kent. This lead to a very tense bottom of the ninth, where Darkpaw closer was called upon to collect the save. Despite pitching in two straight games, he managed to earn his second straight save and third of the season. This is the second straight Darkpaw win of the season, their third overall of the season, and their first sweep. If there ever was an opponent to energize this team, it was the Bombers. We'll see if Blalock and crew can keep the momentum in a brutal matchup next week against the Z-Slayers. As for the Bombers, not much to say after an eigth straight loss. Richie Ashburn was 0-5 in this contest, a shame because it was Assburn Bobblehead Night at the stadium, which featured an innovated bobblehead design that bobbles also on the...er...assburned side...

------------------------------------

MEL 4, LIN 5       F/12

                1              2              3              4              5              6              7             8              9          10          11          12

MEL       0              3              0              1              0              0              0              0              0            0            0             0

LIN         4              0              0              0              0              0              0              0              0            0            0             1    

W – Nen (1-1)                   L – Pollitte (0-1)                 

This one looked like it was going to get ugly early for Moyer and the Marauders; the twin threat of the JERKY QUEEN offense struck powerfully in the bottom of the first with Manny Ramirez unleashing an RBI double that was immediately followed by Rondell White’s third homerun of the year, a three run shot. But Lindsyan ace Josh Beckett really struggled in the inning immediately succeeding, surrendering an ugly three run rally to the bottom half of the Marauder lineup. Scott Rolen tied things up for the Marauders in the top of the fourth when he took Beckett deep, also his third long ball this year. After that Beckett was back to his prime form, and was quite dominant through seven. Season 1 Cy Young winner Jamie Moyer was good enough to keep the Lindsyans off the board also through seven, but he was not without his own struggles, working out of a bases loaded jam in the seventh. Thus commenced another battle of bullpens: Jelly Bean sent out her star reliever Steve Karsay, who is starting to be mentioned in Cy Young conversations, unprecedented for a reliever. Karsay put out an unbelievable performance, pitching 4 and 2/3s innings, surrendering only two hits. Had he pitched one more out, he would have received his third win of the year. For the Marauders, Buddy Groom entered the game in relief of Moyer and had to work out of jams in both innings that he pitched; the Lindsyans were an atrocious 0-5 with runners in scoring position in the late innings of this game, blowing multiple opportunities to end this one. The game looked like it was going to drag on for a while until Lindsyan third baseman Jeff “Silly” Cirillo homered off of Cliff Pollitte’s first pitch in the bottom of the twelfth. The walk off win puts the JELLY QUEENDREAM TEAM back in winning territory with a 5-4 record and at a very interesting position in Division 1; currently at 4th place, but only 1   and ½ games back of first place. Next week is the second battle of Cat teams when they face off against Division rivals Meow Meow Dui. A good performance in that series could have far reaching effects as far as standings are concerned. As for the Marauders, the team’s performance has absolutely improved as of late although this sweep at the hands of the Lindsyans is certainly a setback. But Doctor Vindaloo’s faith in his team is not shaken; he’s been active in the media making all sorts of guarantees that his team will make the playoffs. His latest claim is that he will promise to convert bleacher seating in the Melmegetia Municipal Stadium into a full scale replica of an elbow of the Ganges River. 
--------------------------------------------------

TYC 0, BOB 1 F

                1              2              3              4              5              6              7              8              9

TYC         0              0              0              0              0              0              0              0              0           

BOB        0              0              0              0              0              0              0              1              0  

W - Seaver (1-0)                   L - Johnson (1-1)                    S - Fingers (1)

Tom Seaver had a lot to live up to in his first career start; the Bobians were riding a five game win streak, Bobian starters had chained together an incredible string of 8 quality starts, and Roy Halladay and Tom "Schutzstafel" Glavine both put up two of the best starts in the entire league to date. No less against the ace starter of the number one team in Division 2. Although it was close, I think it's safe to say that Seaver lived up to expectations. Although he faced bases loaded jams at three different instances, he managed to pitch a relatively solid eight innings. He gave up probably a few more hits than Greg Maddux might have wanted, but eight innings of shut out baseball against a two time champion is nothing to complain about in your first career start. Randy Johnson turned it into a real pitching dual, really only getting into trouble twice. On the second instance, Luis Aparicio stole two bases, his league leading ninth and tenth., leading to a situation where the Bobians had a speedy runner on third with nobody out. Johnson looked like he was going to get out of it after retiring Ichiro and Edgar "Fredgar" Martinez, but Travis Hafner certainly had other ideas, and brought Aparacio home with a double. One run was all the Bobians needed when they turned over the game to Rollie Fingers in the ninth, who went 1-2-3 through the top of the Tycoon order. While the Bobians now take a commanding league of Division 1 with the best record in either league, the Tycoons now drop down to second place for the first time in Division 2. While both teams are pitching great, Mao might be getting a little nervous after failing to score a single run against the extremely strong pitching of the Spartans.